The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Chapter 25

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm baaaack for another review!! Sorry for taking longer than usual...I'm simultaneously chasing after things in the checklist challenge

First Impression: Okayy...well an exciting chapter here, quite a few things having changed from the previous version and I think it makes this one that much more powerful here, especially that last scene and how you've tied someone that Felistia and Shiraku knew to describing the horrible ritual for The Death Grippers.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The shadows grew longer as Zoltar hurried through the ever darkening woods.

Questions whirled through his head as he ran. What had just happened? A Wisp Talon had just let him go, without a scratch. How? Why?

He couldn’t get his head around it. Still, he wasn’t going to push matters and hang around in the forest waiting for her to change her mind.

Ahh....I love that conclusion by Zoltar, not only does it add an extra bit of humor into the situation, its a very logical conclusion to come to in a situation like that one there....well, Zoltar's definitely a smart one

Insects had started to play their music as they beckoned the oncoming night, their sounds traveling through the hazy air like the shaky notes from a violin. The shrill calls of the night creatures filled the air as they began to stir. Robins called from the tree tops, their songs like a band of flutes and whistles cutting through the evening, while the black bird’s rich melodies seemed to float through the canopy.

It wasn’t long before Zoltar reached the forest’s edge. Spreading his vast wings, he soared out over the lake.

Orange flames of light flickered along his onyx scales as the sun slowly sank towards the distant mountain peaks. He had to get back before night fall. Tilting his wings, he angling west in the direction of the maze and Felistia’s cave.

OKay....so this is interesting, one on hand, the sudden change from the tension at the very start of the chapter to some neat description and relaxation feels like an abrupt change there, I feel like you could've capitalized on the tension a bit more until he reached the cave, sort of not describe to show that he's focused only on getting back and not paying attention to the surroundings, on the other hand I feel like it also shows perhaps his tension draining away as he gets closer to the cave...this one kind of goes either way there...xD

He was a little disappointed that he was coming back with empty claws. He’d promised Felistia that he’d bring something back. Though…things could have gone a lot worse. Zoltar shivered at the thought.

It was obvious that the Wisp Talons prowled the forest at any time of day. He’d have to be more careful from now on. He’d been lucky this time, no need to tempt death.

Well...poor guy doesn't get to pay off the promise, but heyyy, he's alive and that's a pretty good thing...you'd think...at any rate.

It wasn’t long before he reached the maze, the misty cloaked columns taking on a crimson tint in the dying light.

Zoltar scanned the beach below for signs of Death Grippers. It seemed deserted though, with only the crash of breaking waves to disturb the silence.

He landed, keeping a wary eye on the forest. Was it possible the Wisp Talon was following him? He scanned the shadowy trees. It could explain why she’d let him go. Was she hoping to find other outcasts?

Oooh, I am loving Zoltar's theorizing, even if it is him doing our jobs, it's good to see that he's considering all of these possibilities here and making sure not to take any sort of unnecessary risk in this situation that could result in him and his new friends getting captured or killed.

Not wanting to take a chance, Zoltar edged into the ocean, hoping the mist would break up his shape. He was careful to sling his pouch up onto his back out of the waters reach. No need to get that wet.

Zoltar stopped when he was chest deep in water and looked around. It was quite dark, the sun’s weak rays unable to penetrate through the thick fog. Even with his nocturnal vision, shapes were hazy. If the Wisp Talon was following him, she shouldn’t be able to track his shape through this mist.

Well I daresay that's an escape well done there...good on him for using some professional strategies right there to stay out of potential trouble and be a hundred percent sure noone besides Sidious the Hideous is following him home.

Keeping a look out for Death Grippers, Zoltar waded on, heading for the cave.

The sun had nearly dipped behind the mountain peaks by the time he saw the seaweed cloaked column. Trying his best to keep the splashing to a minimum, he sprang out of the water and flew straight into the cave. He hoped that would be enough to give the Wisp Talon the slip if she was out there.

Suddenly, something seized his neck and slammed him to the rock floor. His heart thundered in his ears as his head spun from the impact.

“Who are you!” the dragoness demanded, digging her serrated claws between his scales.

Whoa, wow....its very clearly Shiraku or Felistia doing this, but I love how we go from tension to a feeling of safety and then BOOOM, that's a lovely jump scare there...you just immediately are on edge once again and think that the Wisp Talons have the invaded the cave or something

“Zoltar!” Zoltar growled, trying to wriggle out from under the dragoness clamping him to the ground.

Instantly the talons released as the dragoness leapt off Zoltar. He scrambled to his paws to face his attacker, snarling. He was surprised to find himself staring at Felistia.

“I’m so sorry,” Felistia began apologising, “It’s just…I can’t…”

“See me,” Zoltar realized as he watched the Ice Talon strain her eyes to make him out. She’d be able to make out a blurry form at best. There was no way she’d be able to recognize him though.

“It’s alright,” Zoltar continued, walking further into the cave.

Well, yup, Felistia being careful like that is clearly how she survived on there for so long...and it makes a lot of sense to include a scene like this. Not just to make it more exciting, this seems logically like something that should happen.

It was almost pitch black inside, with only the faint blue glow given off by Shiraku’s scales to provide illumination. It was barely anything though, not enough to tell one dragon from another.

A look of relief washed over Felistia’s face, before she hurried to hand him a fish. Shiraku scowled, but didn’t say a word as she continued to devour hers.

“Here,” Felistia said as he took the fish, “We had a good catch today.”

Hmm, well that was nice of them, I also love how Felistia doesn't even ask him about the result of his hunting expedition, having noticed he's clearly got nothing or at least having assumed so because Zoltar doesn't offer anything up. I love all these subtle character traits that you throw in here.

Zoltar nodded his thanks. His stomach growled loudly at the prospect of food and Zoltar realized how long it had been since his last meal. He’d eaten the last of his rations the day before on the flight over to the island. He hadn’t had a thing since.

A little hesitantly, he took a bite of the fish, painfully aware of Shiraku’s looming gaze. A burst of flavour filled his mouth as he chewed, relishing the rich salty taste. It had been months since the last time he’d had fish.

Well...now you're gonna make me hungry...wonderful, its far too late at night for this. ALso...love to see Zoltar getting a small chance to enjoy a meal in all the chaos that his life has become at the moment here.

“Thank you,” he managed to gulp between the chunks of meat.

Felistia watched, slightly amused, before returning to her meal. Shiraku rolled her eyes and turned to face the wall, though Zoltar managed to catch the faintest flash of a smile as she turned away from him.

They ate in silence as the sky grew ever darker, the sun now just a memory as it disappeared beyond the horizon.

Hmm, well looks like our tension for the moment has disappeared along with the sun...for now...just three dragons enjoying a meal in a what appears to be a relatively companionable silence.

The first of the stars were beginning the flicker into sight when Zoltar first picked up the heavy thud of many wings beating the air. It was faint at first, but it wasn’t long before it was a steady drum, blocking out any other sounds.

“Is that what I think it is?” Zoltar hissed as a shiver of icy dread ran through his scales. Wisp Talons, probably hundreds of them from the sounds of it, all of them heading for the coast. What were they doing? Why were they all suddenly congregating now?

Oooh, well this is starting to sound like that Death Gripper sacrificial ritual situation I think I remember reading about earlier although I can't be a hundred percent sure of course...well at any rate...this adds some nice mystery into the situation on top of everything else that we have.

Felistia nodded grimly. Shiraku had backed up further into the cave, pressing herself against the far wall. Her pupils had narrowed into slits as she watched the entrance in frozen terror. Felistia brushed a wing against hers as she tried to comfort the younger dragoness.

Zoltar curled up in the corner with them, “What’s happening?”

“It’s the beginning of the Full Moon Ritual,” Felistia whispered, her back spines bristling, “Every full moon they’ll gather on this beach and sacrifice a dragon to the Death Grippers. Most of the time it’s an outsider that suffers the fate, but they don’t seem to have any qualms with killing their own kind.”

Well....uhh....yup, that sounds like a suuuper fun ritual that I'm sure that absolutely everyone loves attending. The Death Grippers are definitely not the sort of people you want to be hanging out with. Hopefully Sidious is sleeping somewhere far away, as horrible as he is, we don't want him to die.

Zoltar cringed, his insides twisting as the thoughts of what had happened earlier that day surfaced. Why had the Wisp Talon let him go? If they used outsiders for this, wouldn’t she want to take him captive? Why would she free him, only to have a fallow Wisp Talon die? It made no sense.

He was thankful none the less. Had it been a different Wisp Talon, he could have been the one down on that beach, waiting to be fed to Death Grippers.

Well...I mean, they could've caught some other poor unsuspecting dragon, there's not telling what may have been going on in that village there. This does beg the question though, why did they right away kill Hisster there, was it cause he fought back or...they only wanted one captive and thought to kill the rest? Just a couple of thoughts I had here.

Trying to ignore the sickened feeling clawing at his stomach, Zoltar asked, “Why would they do that?”

“I don’t know. I just know that they do it every full moon without fail,” Felistia paused as she gave him a mournful look, “That’s why I urged you to be back before sun down tonight. Idra didn’t heed the warnings closely enough.”

She looked down at her talons, occasionally glancing at Shiraku. The Sea Talon dragoness was staring blankly ahead, her eyes shimmer as tears threatened to well up.

Well I'm guessing that's Shiraku's father...hmm, so he didn't die from his wounds after all, well that prediction was wrong...but he died in this horrible fashion....and well that is significantly worse...oh dear.

Zoltar cast a questioning look at Felistia, who whispered, “He was her father. We lost him a few months after they landed on the island.”

“Oh,” Zoltar murmured, suddenly feeling terrible for Shiraku. He knew what it was like to lose a family member. Though he couldn’t imagine what it must have been like to watch one’s own father being murdered by those things.

He squeezed his eyes shut as he tried not to think about it. Almost instinctively, he brushed a wing over Shiraku’s back. She flinched at his touch, but didn’t pull away.

She glanced over at him, her snout clouded by grief, before nodding faintly. Zoltar didn’t say anything, only continuing to stroke her back as he tried to share her pain.

Well that's a lovely moment of bonding to end out this mostly suspense filled chapter...we can see here that this seems to pretty much mark this day to be at an end...and the first bonds of friendship are mayybe forming here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, another pretty solid chapter here...I'm excited to see where things are going to turn to next, now we've got enough things being subtly different, that I can't fully assume to know what'll happen next...xD

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Hi felistia,

Mailice here with a short review!

This was another chapter that was wrapped in the beautiful descriptions, combined with the inner thoughts of Zoltar and how everything turned to a new direction. I was very motivated to read the sequel in the hope of seeing this inner life of Zoltar. I'm sure he was very excited and amazed at the sudden change from the Wisp Talon.

The representation between his thoughts and the surroundings resulted in a wonderful, relaxed mix between his hectic life and the quiet life of nature. I thought it was a nice contrast and I think you did a great job of not tipping the scales too far to one side. I was surprised for that brief moment of shock when Zoltar arrived at the cave and was ambushed. I can understand why Felistia has not yet got used to having a new roommate straight away. It definitely threw me off a bit because I wasn't expecting it.

I found this communal dinner quite cold. I liked that the dialogue was not there, which gave this togetherness a certain loneliness. I found it an interesting stylistic device to show that the ice between the three has not yet completely melted.

I felt you kept some sections a little too short, where I think you certainly could have kept some together. It sometimes seemed like a break where I didn't really understand why a new section was starting. Especially more towards the middle of the chapter, when Zoltar goes back to the cave, I found it strange.

The end has already created a good arc of suspense and I am curious to see how something will develop and how or if Zoltar will interfere at all to end this cruel ritual. While I thought you gave some good descriptions there at the beginning to show how full the sky is of the Wisp Talons, I also felt that this "atmosphere" was not expressed so clearly, especially when Idra was talked about.

I liked the chapter because it jumps from one point on a road to the next, and see this ritual as a next crossroads into a new adventure. But maybe it will also help to complete the mission. I'm still curious to see how Sidious will see it.

Some point I noticed while reading:

Insects had started to play their music as they beckoned the oncoming night, their sounds traveling through the hazy air like the shaky notes from a violin. The shrill calls of the night creatures filled the air as they began to stir. Robins called from the tree tops, their songs like a band of flutes and whistles cutting through the evening, while the black bird’s rich melodies seemed to float through the canopy.

This quote really gave me chills. It has this strange feeling of beauty and summer in it. These are really great details. It also shows that although Zoltar is so deeply caught up in his thoughts, the world around him acts as if nothing special has happened. I think this shows a very nice difference between his introspective view and the outside world.

“Who are you!”

A question mark would fit better here than an exclamation mark.

He was surprised to find himself staring at Felistia.

I had really expected it to be the Wisp Talon by now. Nice shock moment.

If they used outsiders for this, wouldn’t she want to take him captive? Why would she free him, only to have a fallow Wisp Talon die? It made no sense.

I have an uneasy feeling that it is the Wisp Talon that Zoltar has let go that will be sacrificed and an even more uneasy feeling that Zoltar will save her.

Have fun writing!

Mailice