The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Chapter 23

Hi felistia,

Mailice here with a short review!

That was a very... ominous chapter. I constantly had the feeling that something was about to happen that would not end well for Zoltar. The note about the full moon, Sidious being able to see everything all the time and that very mysterious cliffhanger at the end gives me a bit of a chill down my spine that makes my stomach queasy. There's something more to come for him and the reader.

It was in chapters that were different from the others. It had a funny aftertaste because so little happened where I felt like it was just a prologue for the next disaster to come. The words of Sidious are still stuck in my head and Zoltar's guilty conscience is also present.

I thought the chapter had a great aspect where you presented that mood and ambiguity well. It felt like an invisible danger. I liked that and how you set it up with Zoltar's thoughts too. Apart from the introduction, where I missed that a bit, I thought it was a great chapter in the sense that it gave off that aura.

What I missed a little in this chapter were the descriptions. I liked the few that were present, but generally felt that the setting or just the poetic notes were a little lacking in this chapter. I think this also contributed to me associating the chapter with this sombre mood, as if it was the calm before the storm.

I found it to be a great chapter. It was a bit short and without much plot, but I think it can be connected as a kind of aftermath to the previous chapter, or as a transition to the next one.

Other points that caught my eye:

Zoltar woke with a start, clumsily attempting to sit up as he looked around wildly. Where was he?
Blinking in the bright sunlight streaming through the cave entrance, the memories of the previous day came tumbling back to him. Flying to the island, the fight with the Death Grippers and meeting Felistia and Shiraku. The last thing he remembered was creeping back into the cave after a less than pleasant conversation with Sidious. He must have passed out after that.

I like that you give a bit of a recap here of what happened, but thought the narrator's voice here sounded a bit too simplistic and neutral without including much of Zoltar's thoughts. If that's the case, of course it's good; but I'm mostly used to hearing a bit more about Zoltar and how he thinks about it. So for me, when I first read it, it seemed a bit like a summary that could be inserted before the actual start of the chapter.

This prompted another round of growls from Shiraku’s direction.

I like these little details of Shiraku where she doesn't speak but you still get to know how she feels about Felistia's suggestions.

Seeing Felistia and Shiraku just brought all those memories back up again.

Maybe you could add here some more examples of these memories?

Seeing Felistia and Shiraku just brought all those memories back up again.
Sighing, he pocked his snout between the seaweed strands.

I find the transition here a little too quick, because you move on from a thought to reality.

Sidious had probably been lurking just outside the cave the entire time.

Just thinking about it gives me goosebumps. Sidious is definitely not to be underestimated. Not knowing whether you are being watched or not, but always knowing that you could be watched....

Have fun writing!

Mailice

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm baaack for another review!!

First Impression: Woohoo...another chapter arrives...very excited to see the friendship develop between these three with the Hideous Sidious threat hanging over them...and potentially them meeting Emerald very soon.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Zoltar woke with a start, clumsily attempting to sit up as he looked around wildly. Where was he?

Blinking in the bright sunlight streaming through the cave entrance, the memories of the previous day came tumbling back to him. Flying to the island, the fight with the Death Grippers and meeting Felistia and Shiraku. The last thing he remembered was creeping back into the cave after a less than pleasant conversation with Sidious. He must have passed out after that.

Definitely can't blame the poor guy for passing out for a bit after the ordeal that was the previous day, if anyone deserved a nice good nap, it was poor Zoltar.

Breathing a deep sigh, he lay back down, letting the sunlight flood over his back scales and snout. The scratches from the previous night’s scuffle were still stinging, but the heat helped sooth the itching.

“Morning.”

Zoltar looked around to see Felistia walking over to him, a warm smile spread across her snout. Behind her, Shiraku was just rolling out of the pile of grass, her fangs flashing as she yawned.

Hmm, alright, well this should be very interesting to see. Unlike last time we now have a lot more things that Zoltar will be considering here as he interacts with these dragons and I for one am very excited to see how this is potentially going to change the dynamic of the friendship these guys have.

“We’re going to go fishing this morning,” Felistia said, brushing a wing against Zoltar’s side, “Do you want to come?”

A series of loud grunts erupted from Shiraku and Felistia glanced back at the Sea Talon in amusement. Ignoring the dirty looks from her, she added teasingly, “Shiraku could teach you how to fish.”

Well I'm glad to see that despite the change in circumstances, these two are definitely still the same dragons that we know...ahh...Shiraku's personality especially is a lot of fun to read sometimes.

The Sea Talon stuck a forked tongue out at Felistia and turned her back on them, muttering something obscene under her breath.

Zoltar watched, a little puzzled, before turning back to Felistia, “Thank you… but I was hoping to scope out the island today. Maybe some other time?”

Felistia nodded, batting him with her wing, “Sure. We’ll bring you back a fish.”

Hm...I distinctly remember that Zoltar actually did go fishing with these two at some point...has this been changed this time around...or is this exploration of the jungle how they all run into Emerald....ahhh...my brain just doesn't seem to have any of the information inside it...

This prompted another round of growls from Shiraku’s direction.

Zoltar flattened his ears, feeling a little guilty. Here he was not lifting a talon to help them and Felistia was offering him food.

“Umm,” he stammered, trying to find his words, “I’ll try to bring something back as well….a deer or something.”

Hmm, that's a good move by Zoltar...as kind as they are, he should certainly at least attempt to help them out a little too.

Felistia smiled at him, before getting to her paws, “Thank you, but don’t stress about it if you don’t manage to catch anything. The forest can be quite difficult to hunt in.”

Zoltar grinned, though he didn’t quite share her thoughts. He’d grown up hunting along the pine cloaked slopes of Mount Mokewtu with his parents. Hunting here shouldn’t be too hard.

Oh believe me Zoltar, hunting here is much harder...mostly cause unlike on the mountain, here there are also things that are hunting you besides you just hunting things and that makes this whole enterprise just a lot more complicated.

“Oh and don’t forget that tonight is a full moon,” Felistia continued, a grave expression clouding her face, “Make sure you’re back well before sundown tonight.”

Zoltar nodded.

Oh a full moon definitely had something to do with Emerald...I know I remember it from somewhere in the back of my head.

Satisfied, Felistia bid him goodbye with a light wave of her paw, before padding over to the back of the cave. Zoltar watched as she playfully flicked Shiraku with her wing. The Sea Talon frowned at her, but ended up smiling after a moment of scowling at the Ice Talon.

Smiling sadly, Zoltar turned and stepped up to the opening. For some reason, watching the two friends reminded him of Mowzan and he found himself missing his brother terribly. It had been four years since his death, but the pain of losing his best friend still ate away at him. Seeing Felistia and Shiraku just brought all those memories back up again.

Well...that's a neat way to slip in that reminder...not to mention it helps with making Zoltar's rather tragic backstory more realistic...I love these little touches whenever they happen here.

Sighing, he pocked his snout between the seaweed strands. Below the waves crashed against the column as they broke onto the beach.

Closing his eyes, Zoltar leapt off the edge of the cave. Thrusting out his wings, he caught the air, skimming the tree tops as he soared up over the forest boarding the beach.

Aaand off he goes to hunt for a new friend deer.

The trees were in full bloom, the whole forest bursting with colour. As Zoltar scanned below him, he couldn’t help but feel like he was being watched.

His thoughts drifted back to the previous night and the conversation with Sidious. If the Ghost Talon had heard the whole conversation with Felistia and knew about Shiraku, he must have been within earshot of them. Sidious had probably been lurking just outside the cave the entire time.

Oh yeah, Sidious the Hideous is most definitely sneaking around behind Zoltar's back and paying attention to every move that Zoltar's doing. Sidious certainly has to be really good at doing that to find out the kind of information that he did, all while not getting himself attacked by Wisp Talons and Death Grippers.

Zoltar shivered, trying to shake off the icky feeling clinging to his scales. He’d have to be careful. If Sidious had been spying on them without three dragons knowing he was there, he could spy on him whenever he wanted. There was no knowing when he’d be watching.

For Felistia and Shiraku’s sake, he’d better do everything the Ghost Talon told him or else…

Oooh I love the way that Zoltar describes the "icky" feeling there...very true to how I'd imagine he'd feel if someone was tracking him for a very malicious cause. Hmm...also interesting how now the lives of Felistia and Shiraku are in even more danger than they were last time because of the new Hideous factor...I mean Sidious factor.

Zoltar shook his head. He didn’t want to think about it. The feeling of guilt was too much. Here Felistia was, offering him food, shelter and a helping paw. What had he done? He’d brought the threat of death on them and they didn’t even know it.

Well...that's the curse of being a protagonist Zoltar, you really should have read the terms and conditions before signing up to be one here.

Sighing, he scanned the forest below, looking for the allusive opening in the trees. The least he could do was bring back some prey. He knew it probably wouldn’t help, but he hoped it might relieve some of his guilt.

Hmm, well, this feeling is guilt he constantly has when thinking of them is our first major change I suppose...not that he wasn't guilty before for lying about being kicked out of his tribe..but this is definitely far worse.

He was nearing the east side of the island. The forest had become noticeably thicker and the trees seemed to twist and knot around each other as they fought for space. There was no way to see through the foliage, let alone find a space to land.

Hmm, well that seem to be the scary part of the island, he should probably stay a bit far away from that part of the island.

He was almost about to give up and head towards the mountain slopes when a flash of blue caught his eye. He turned to see in the distance a vast lake, its surface shimmering as the midday sun beat down on it.

‘That might be worth a closer look,’ Zoltar thought as he angled his flight path towards the lake. Back in the Shadow Lands, prey animals had always congregated around sources of water. He’d spent many an early morning prowling the rivers cascading down the slopes of Mount Mokewtu. A lake would be his best shot at finding local prey.

Hmm, well from a hunting perspective, that is a very smart decision by Zoltar, you can certainly see that he's very good at that particular job and I imagine that is what he was mostly doing before everything went upside down.

It wasn’t long before he could make out herds of antelope moving along the lake’s banks. Most were grazing on the lush grass carpeting the shore, but a few always had their heads up, their eyes watching the skies and boarding forest.

Dipping into a low glide over the canopy, Zoltar neared the lake. He’d love to make his approach on paw, but the canopy was way too thick for him to land safely. He’d probably make enough noise to scare off every animal in a ten mile radius if he tried, not to mention attract unwanted attention. He’d just have to try taking the herd by surprise from the air.

Yeah...see that...that is the extra challenge that this particular forest brings, there is no telling when something might pounce on you before you pounce on something else.

It wasn’t long before Zoltar neared shore. He was still just above the trees, the canopy hiding his approach. He was only a few dragon lengths from the forest’s edge, but there was no way he could get into striking range. As soon as he broke the cover of the canopy and flew out over the shore, the antelope would bolt.

Hmm...this does sound like a job for two dragons here....one dragon alone would have a pretty hard time with how limited the options are because of the terrain.

He lingered for a moment, considering his options. He could circle back around and look for a place to land, but that could take hours. By that time the herd would have moved on. The best thing to do would be to make a break for it and hope to catch the antelope by surprise. His chances were small, but it was better than not trying at all.

Hmm, yeah, its a lot better to try and get nothing rather than flying for hours and not even getting a shot at trying...not to mention, he could end up getting attacked by something in the jungle and be unable to escape with how thick the canopy is in most places.

With a powerful beat of his wings, he lunched himself towards the shore, try to pick up as much speed as possible. Just as he was about clear the tree line, an older stag raised its head and trumpeted in alarm.

Zoltar’s heart skipped a beat and he dived, but he knew he was too late. The entire herd had scattered, bolting into the forest.

Growling in frustration, Zoltar landed. He knew it had been a long shot, but it was still always annoying when a hunt failed.

Well that went about as well as I thought it would hmm...perhaps my memory is coming back now...I definitely remember a situation where all three of them perhaps with Emerald as well go hunting for antelope and only then do they actually catch something...and I can't make if that is where they run into Emerald or not...

He circled, sniffed around the churned up bank until he picked up the herds scent. If he could track down the antelope, he could give the hunt another try. He’d probably do better on paw anyway, since his dark shape would be hidden by the shadows of the forest.

Silently, he crept into the trees, keeping his head low to the ground as he followed the herd deeper into the forest.

OOooh..maybe the first idea was right, he goes to stalk these deer and end up getting stalked in return by Emerald...ahh..well...I'm just going to wait patiently for that next chapter to come out and answer these questions rather than theorizing..xD..but hmm, this was a neat little hunting sequence here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, a pretty solid chapter once more...a nice little touch on Zoltar's feelings after Sidious' warning, a nice and sneaky reminder of Zoltar's backstory....and just some lovely shots of Shiraku's personality there. You bring across so much of what she's like with her saying literally zero words in this chapter and its amazing. Anyways, with that, I end for today...and wait for more...

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry