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Young Writers Society



The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Chapter 33

by felistia


“Wakey wakey.”

Zoltar groaned, curling further under his wings as someone gently shook him. He swiped his paw at her, trying to remain in the comforting darkness that, despite his best efforts, was slowly slipping out of his grasp.

“Come on,” Felistia insisted, “You got to get up early if you want to fish.”

“Aaaugh,” Zoltar grumbled as he opened his eyes.

Dawn was slowly creeping across the horizon, the copper hue cloaking the silent forest in a ghostly orange haze.

“Why are we getting up so early?” Zoltar mumbled groggily as he got to his paws. His bones ached, screaming for more rest, while his eyelids felt heavier than the deer he’d carried yesterday.

Felistia smiled, batting him playfully with her wing, “You’re going to help us fish today… remember. Dawn is the best time to bring in a good catch. At least… that’s what Shiraku told me.”

Zoltar blinked as he rubbed his eyes. He vaguely remembered the conversation he’d had with Felistia, but didn’t recall agreeing to this. Weren’t they going to hunt… you know…for real prey. Quarry that didn’t require you to get soaked to catch it?

“Mmmff,” he grunted, shaking out his wings to clear them of the dust and sand pick up from the cave floor. He looked around, still blinking.

“Where’s Shiraku?” he blurted finally when he realized that the Sea Talon was nowhere to be found.

“Ooh, she left already,” Felistia said, padding over to the cave entrance. Despite the dim light, her scales still gleamed like polished silver, “Come on.”

There was a rush of air as she sprang from the cave, her crystal blue wings catching the early morning air as she soared out over the shore.

Zoltar stumbled after her, shaking his head in a vain attempt to clear away the lingering tiredness. Glancing through the seaweed strewn entrance, he spread his wings and took off.

The ocean air was bitingly cold against his obsidian black scales as he followed Felistia west along the coastline. Mist swirled over the beach, the ghostly white tendrils coiling like snakes around the crashing waves.

Thin orange rays of sunlight were piercing through the fog by the time he caught sight of Shiraku. The Sea Talon was darting through the water, her powerful webbed tail propelling her forward as she chased down schools of fish.

Felistia touched down onto the pebble grey beach, her talons sinking into the sand as she landed.

Zoltar landed next to Felistia, folding in his wings as he followed the Ice Talon down to the water’s edge.

“Shiraku. We’re here.”

Shiraku didn’t look up, but instead dived sharply, her scales flashing a brilliant turquoise beneath the murky water. She surfaced a moment later, a large fish clamped between her vicelike jaws.

Her face lit up when she saw Felistia. She splashed out of the sea, salty water spraying in all directions as she bonded over to her.

Felistia hissed as a few droplets splattered across her snout, jumping back.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Shiraku said hurriedly as she rushed to wipe Felistia’s scales dry with her dripping wet talons.

“Stop, stop,” Felistia laughed, grabbing the Sea Talon’s paws, “You’re making it worse.”

“Oh,” Shiraku smiled sheepishly, a goofy grin spreading over her snout as she backed away.

Zoltar watch from a paw steps away, rubbing his talons nervously. It felt weird watching them, like he was a trespasser intruding on their fun.

“Hey Zoltar,” Felistia said cheerfully as she batted a wing with him, “Why don’t you give fishing a try?”

“Umm,” Zoltar backed away reluctantly, “I…”

“Oh come on. I’m sure Shiraku will help you out. If she can teach me how to fish, I’m sure she can help you.”

“Ehhmm,” Shiraku cleared her throat loudly as she gave Felistia a sideways glance.

“I thought we were supposed to be catching supper. I don’t have time to teach…him,” she growled, waving a talon at Zoltar before turning to splash back into the ocean. Her glimmering azure scales disappeared below the waves as she dived, leaving only a stream of bubbles behind.

Felistia gave the ripples where she’d disappeared a long steely glare, before turning back to Zoltar, “I’m sorry. I’m not sure what got into her.”

“It’s alright,” Zoltar said, sitting down, “I’m not much of a swimmer anyway.”

He grabbed a paw full of sand, watching it as it streamed through his talons like a golden waterfall.

Why was he here? Shiraku didn’t want him here. She and Felistia were good friends. They weren’t hiding secrets from one another and their tribes had always gotten along. What was he doing? He was an outsider, a liar. He didn’t belong here.

He sighed, brushing his tail over the mini sand pile he’d made.

Felistia watched him pityingly for a few moments, before she shook her snout with a snort, “You know what? We don’t need her. I can fish just fine. Come on, you and I can give it a try. Besides, it’ll be fun. Better than sitting on a beach all day moping.”

Zoltar glanced at the water and then back at her, trailing a talon nervously through the sand, “But, you’re an Ice Talon and I’m a Shadow Talon. We’re not really built for this. What if we go to deep or our wings get wet…”

“Oh, come on,” Felistia urged, bumping him playfully with her wing, “You’ll be fine and besides it might get you out of that gloomy mood of yours.”

Huffing bashfully, Zoltar dropped his gaze. He had been pretty down lately. Maybe Felistia was right. After all, he had done a little skim fishing on the Shadow Land Lake back in the day. How different could the sea really be?

‘I won’t go too deep. It’ll be fine.’

“Alright, you win,” Zoltar said a little reluctantly as he shifted to get to his paws, “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try.”

“Great,” Felistia exclaimed, bounding down to the water’s edge. She hesitated for just a moment before wadding into the water. Soon she was almost belly deep.

Zoltar watched from the beach, the water lapping at his talons. Mist swirled over the ocean, the waves causing it to twist and curl like winged serpents. Anything could be out there, watching them. What if his wings got wet? He wouldn’t be able to fly from danger if…

He shook his snout.

Felistia and Shiraku had been doing this for many seasons. Surely if it was dangerous they would be on high alert. Shiraku was nowhere to be seen and Felistia was fully focused on getting him wet. There couldn’t be much to worry about if they were acting like this right?

“Come on in. It’s not that cold,” Felistia called, waving a wing at him from the shallows.

‘It should be fine right?’

Taking a deep breath, Zoltar stepped into the ocean.


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1488 Reviews


Points: 154686
Reviews: 1488

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Sun Jun 05, 2022 7:15 pm
IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hey felistia!

In honour of Tortoise Month I'm heading through some of the oldest works in the Green Room, so I thought I'd swing by and give you a short review.

I've definitely read some of this in the past as I recognise the character names but you've got through so many chapters I have no idea where I last caught up to. For that reason I'll probably be more specific in relation to this chapter vs things like character development and plot over the whole story. If I mention something you've already covered off in a previous chapter then I apologise, and feel free to ignore the comment!

I really like the slow pacing at the beginning of this chapter. It's a nice way to ease the reader into a new day and shows that some time has passed since the previous chapter. It's a sense of normality too, which I can predict would be well needed at this point in the novel (given that I'm sure there's been some action in the 32 chapters prior!)

This chapter is also really good at building relationships between the characters. It really says something when I get can a sense of how they all feel about each other just from picking a random chapter in the middle of the novel. I think you've done a great job on this.

The ocean air was bitingly cold against his obsidian black scales as he followed Felistia west along the coastline. Mist swirled over the beach, the ghostly white tendrils coiling like snakes around the crashing waves.

Thin orange rays of sunlight were piercing through the fog by the time he caught sight of Shiraku. The Sea Talon was darting through the water, her powerful webbed tail propelling her forward as she chased down schools of fish.

This was my favourite section. The description is beautifully written and it really fits with the slower more serene pace of the chapter.

The end is an interesting cliffhanger and I can't help but feel like everything's not going to be quite alright...

This was a really enjoyable chapter to read, and I hope I get the chance to read some more of this! (My list is so long at this point it's almost laughable but this is definitely on it).

Happy Sunday!

Icy




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Fri Feb 11, 2022 4:31 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi felistia,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

A very refreshing and colourful chapter that returns to the previous parts, where the colours and descriptions were more central than before.

So I think that also gave a very nice contrast to the previous chapter, to portray that kind of grief and escape from reality much more strongly. I think it's good that we try to return to a kind of normality here, where Zoltar continues to be somewhat confused and yet tries to be there.

I liked the interactions between the characters and think it's one of the first times Zoltar and Shiraku communicated with each other where Felistia was a little more aware of what was going on between them. That we now move into a quiet scene I found very welcome and liked that we also got to watch the fun briefly.

That also lets me get straight to my only criticism here. I found it very short. The interactions were good in themselves and also helped us see some more bonding, but it was a bit too short for my taste. I felt there was a missing component that made this scene a little longer. Now, it feels to me like it was shoved in there just to fill the story.

I just want to say that maybe you could make some parts a little longer, stretch your descriptions a little and maybe put in one or two "filler dialogues". This would expand the whole thing much better than the now small teaser.

Otherwise, I thought the chapter was great. You played with the colours again, which came across well in the last chapter - due to the nightmare and Zoltar's deafness. It also gave the whole chapter a very refreshing vein after reading the grey.

Two points I noticed while reading:

“Wakey wakey.”

That´s really cute. I like it. :D

Weren’t they going to hunt… you know…for real prey.

I'm not sure about the "you know" here. It seems out of place, but on the other hand I can see that it wouldn't be easy to rewrite it. I'm just mentioning it here in passing, maybe other readers have also noticed this point and stumbled across it.

It was overall a good continuation of the story, with a little break you created here to also focus a little more on the relationship between Zoltar, Felistia and Shiraku.

Have fun writing!

Mailice





Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.
— Joseph Campbell