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Young Writers Society



The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Chapter 34

by felistia


The waves lashed against Zoltar’s scales as he wadded deeper. Movement was awfully sluggish, the water dragging at his limbs. The sand beneath his talons was constantly shifting, causing him to stubble as he tried to find a grip.

It felt so unnatural. Why had he agreed to this? Shiraku was meant for the sea, he wasn’t and Felistia certainly wasn’t either. They should be hunting from the skies or stalking the earth, not splashing through water to find their food.

Felistia was only a few dragon lengths from the beach, but it felt like it took an eternity for him to reach her.

“Not so bad, right?” she said cheerfully as he approached. Zoltar nodded, but couldn’t help wrinkling his snout as the waves continued to beat against his belly scales.

Felistia snorted, seemingly amused at his discomfort, “You know. That was the same face I pulled when Shiraku dragged me out here the first time.”

She paused, before bumping him reassuringly, “You’ll get used to it. Don’t worry. It’s not as bad as you think.”

Zoltar managed a smile, trying his best to remain positive. Maybe she was right. If a she, a dragon built for the frozen tundra, could fish, he should be able to as well. It just wasn’t going to be the prettiest thing.

“Okay, so the first thing you got to do is look for the fish obviously,” Felistia said, scanning the water’s surface, “They kinda look like little, dark leaves swirling through the water, except a lot faster. To catch them, you have to move very slowly. Shiraku can chase them, but clearly we can’t do that, so we have to sneak up on them. Once you’ve found a school, lunge at them as fast as you can. Like this.”

Felistia leapt forward, her talons outstretched as she grabbed for imaginary fish, “They’re quite slippery so it will probably take you a few tries to catch one. Just keep trying and you’ll get one.”

“Oh, one more thing,” she paused, “We should probably split up. Two dragons crashing through the waves is much louder than one, right?”

Zoltar nodded, though his stomach was churning like the waves around him.

“Okay,” Felistia batted him playfully with her wing before wadding off in the opposite direction, “Give me a yell when you catch something. I’ll come see how you’re doing soon.”

Zoltar watched her go for a moment before staring down at the water. Ripples distorted the surface, making it almost impossible to see anything clearly. He squinted, looking for the faintest hint of movement beneath the water.

A dark shape swam into view.

‘A fish,’ Zoltar thought excitedly. He lunged, swiping out at the creature. His talons closed on something cold and slippery, hooking into it.

“Yes,” Zoltar shouted, “I got …” he stopped, staring down at the seaweed he’d just hauled out of the waves.

Growling in both irritation and humiliation, he tossed the seaweed over his shoulder. Of course it was seaweed. Had he really thought it was going to be that easy?

Shaking out his now drenched wings, he resumed his search. For what felt like hours, he tried. Stalking, lunging, waiting, none of it mattered. He was soaked through, freezing and had nothing to show for it.

“Aghhh!” Zoltar roared after hooking yet another strand of kelp, “I give up. Felistia, this isn’t working.”

He looked around for the Ice Talon, realising that he hadn’t seen her in a while. He squinted through the mist as he tried to make out her figure.

After a few moments of futile searching, he shrugged, mumbling to himself as he shook out his wings for the millionth time, “Never mind. I’ll just wait on the beach for her.”

“You know, you’d have much better luck if you hid your silhouette. The fish can see your gigantic black tail from miles away.”

Zoltar whipped around, sending spray showering in all directions.

Shiraku was bobbing just a little way from him, her turquoise snout and back fins all that were visible.

Zoltar wrinkled his snout, a little confused at her sudden appearance.

“If you hid beside one of the columns and crouched, the fish wouldn’t see you, and you need to stay still. All that twitching and shaking the water off is a dead giveaway,” Shiraku continued as she rolled onto her back, her webbed tail gentle sweeping from side to side as she circled him.

Zoltar flattened his ears, “I thought you didn’t want to teach me.”

“I don’t, but it’s too painful to watch you splash about aimlessly like a five day old seal pup. It’s not that hard.”

“But you’re a Sea Talon. Obviously it’s going to be easy for you.” Zoltar growled, shaking his dripping wings irritably, “You can swim.”

Shiraku rolled her eyes, the row of scales under her eyes flashing a brilliant blue, “You don’t have to swim to catch fish, silly.”

Zoltar looked at her sceptically.

“Aagh, here…just watch.” Shiraku continued, circling him one last time before drifted over to a nearby column. She hauled herself out of the water, hooking her curved talons into the rock as she wrapped her body around the pillar. She stared intently at the water, not a muscle moving as she sat poised to strike.

Zoltar watched her, smoke coiling from his snout. He wasn’t sure if he was annoyed that she was showing interest in him now or if it was her condescending tone. He flicked his tail irritably.

Where was Felistia? He scanned the shoreline. It was so misty. She could be anywhere.

Suddenly, Shiraku lunged, her fangs flashing as her jaws struck the water. Spray showered in all directions as she hit the ocean. She disappeared for a brief moment before resurfacing a second later, a large fish clamped between her teeth.

“See, it’s easy. No swimming involved,” she said through clamped teeth, “Now you give it a try.”

Zoltar wasn’t listening. He continued to search the beach and shallow waters around them. There was no sign of her.


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Thu Mar 03, 2022 6:51 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi felistia,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

We have a very relaxed chapter ahead of us, until you bring about a nasty surprise at the end. I am visibly shocked that after all Zoltar's worries we finally have a little more peace and quiet, but now a new problem arises?

I think the chapter was great on the whole. It was light, amusing and also relaxing to read. It has the opposite effect of the last ones where Zoltar was still a bit too caught up in his own thoughts. I liked this change of colours where he was first in the cave (his inner thoughts) and now he is out on the wide open sea (his outer world) and looking to other things to get away a bit from all that was happening.

I had the impression at first that we were dealing with a good filler chapter here, but with that hint of tension we experience once Zoltar is alone in the sea, it also releases a bit of that chaos and anticipation of worry (at least for the reader). I was very surprised how you managed that.

In terms of style, I found some of the chapter lacking in terms of description. The few we got always gave out a combination dealing with the inner world of Zoltar, which sometimes made it a bit short to evaluate the whole thing. I would advise you to just add a sentence or two in some places to get the mood and situation across a bit better.

Other points I noticed while reading:

They should be hunting from the skies or stalking the earth, not splashing through water to find their food.


I like this sentence here. It has something poetic but also something humorous about it.

If a she, a dragon built for the frozen tundra, could fish, he should be able to as well.


I'm not sure here with the "if a she" if it shouldn't be "if she"? I'm a bit confused because it looks unusual, but not wrong.

Zoltar nodded, though his stomach was churning like the waves around him.


Nice description.

Growling in both irritation and humiliation, he tossed the seaweed over his shoulder. Of course it was seaweed. Had he really thought it was going to be that easy?


I like the ease with which this section is written, but I also think you could write a little more here to get to this point.

In summary, a well-written chapter where we don't see Zoltar suffering for once. At least until the last few lines. :D

Have fun writing!

Mailice




felistia says...


Thank you for the review. I agree that I need to add some more description here. I actually struggled to write this chapter as going slow is pretty hard to write for me. Lol.



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Tue Feb 22, 2022 10:41 pm
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SalisRuinen wrote a review...



Hey! Salis here with a review!

This was a very relaxing chapter that gave me something I never knew I needed – to enjoy the misadventures of a non-aquatic dragon trying to catch fish.

Just being in a water environment seems to be uncomfortable enough for Zoltar judging by the first two paragraphs, but to be forced to hunt in such conditions is just overkill.

I loved seeing one of the most majestic mythical creatures struggle with performing a very human task to the point where special instructions need to be given again and again to get some results.

It's a great thing you've thought of the difficulties the difference between a dragon's size and the fish it's trying to catch would present, as well as the fact Zoltar could easily mistake a number of moving objects in the sea for fish, making the hunt that much harder.

Hopefully with the great instructions provided by Felistia and Shuraku, more patience and enough experience Zoltar will be able to get the hang of it. Maybe his increasing hunger will add some to his motivation?

I think his attention will be focused elsewhere for a while, though, given that Felistia seems to have disappeared. Can't wait to see what happens next.

Thanks for the chapter and keep on writing!!





The very worst use of time is to do very well what need not be done at all.
— Benjamin Tregoe