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Young Writers Society



The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Chapter 44

by felistia


“Do you want to talk about it?” Emerald asked after Zoltar had been silent for a few minutes.

“About what?” Zoltar mumbled.

“How you got to be this way? I mean, I may not know much about the main continent, but I do know that something terrible must have happened for a dragon like you to end up like this.”

She stroked his back gently, “Besides, sometimes it helps to look back on the past. It helps us see how we could do better in the future. Jasper and I do it all the time.”

Zoltar regarded her for a few moments, half of him willing himself to stay quiet, while the other half yearned to tell her everything.

“Fine,” he sighed as he sank down onto the cool vines strewn over the rock floor, “Where do I even start?”

“You don’t have to tell me everything, just whatever is weighing on you the most.”

“Well, that’s a hard one,” he laughed bitterly, “I can’t seem to choose which is harder to deal with; the death of my family, the disaster that destroyed my home and most of my tribe or the fact that what little remains is being slowing taken away from me…piece by piece.”

A single tear rolled down his snout, dropping down onto a nearby flower, “Talking about it doesn’t help. It just reminds me how everything is going wrong and how there’s nothing I can do to fix it.”

Emerald gently placed a paw onto his shoulder, “Sometimes it just helps to know that you’re not the only one going through these things and that they don’t go on forever. It may seem dark now, but it won’t last forever. Things have a way of working out…even if it takes a long time.”

“And what if you can’t wait that long?” Zoltar mumbled as he wiped his snout.

“Well, I guess you could take comfort in the presence of those who understand what you’re going through,” she said, settling down beside him.

Her sapphire eyes burned in the dim light as she whispered “I know you don’t trust me because I’m a Wisp Talon and because of what my tribe has done, but believe me when I say that I know what you’re going through.”

She looked away, a wave of crimson flashing through her cobalt blue scales, “Topaz’s death…was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. It nearly broke Jasper and me…nearly broke our will to carry on. Fighting against Eclipse’s regime was hard enough before, but now…without her guidance…it feels almost impossible.”

She sighed and shook her head, “She was our leader. She guided us, she was the one who kept the other rebels together. Now…they’ve all dispersed. No one wants to risk being suspected by Eclipse and his brothers. Everything Topaz worked for, everything we’d hoped for…it’s all just fallen apart and I don’t know how to fix it.”

She stifled a sniff, “I miss her so much.”

Zoltar laid a paw on hers, “I miss my brother too. Mowzan…that was his name.”

He sucked in a deep breath, shuddering. It had been so long since he’d said Mowzan’s name out loud. It felt strange in a way, like he shouldn’t have left it for so long. Why had he left it so long? He’d barely even mentioned it to Nira, instead choosing to hide it inside himself like a treasure cursed to never see the light of day again.

“He died…four years ago…,” Zoltar clinched his talons, fighting the wave of emotions that swept over him. Why was it still so strong? It had been four years. Surely he should be over this by now?

Emerald’s face dropped, her eyes seeming to stare at nothing as she gazed out over the stream, “Does it get any easier?”

“The pain, the guilt…replaying the events over and over again in a vain attempt to find a way to change the past? No,” Zoltar whispered, “it doesn’t get easier…at least for me it hasn’t.”

“So what do we do in the meantime?”

Zoltar snorted softly, “I guess we try to keep fighting…that or we give up.”

There was silence between them for a moment.

“Then that’s what we’ll have to do,” Emerald said finally, smiling faintly as she curled her tail in closer, “Topaz wouldn’t want me to give up and…I didn’t know Mowzan, but I’m sure he wouldn’t want you to either.”

Zoltar sighed, running a paw over his shoulder as another wave of sadness swept over him. What would his brother say if he could see him now? What could Nira say?

“No, I guess not,” he murmured after a while.

“You know, I never understood why Topaz risked so much with Idra,” Emerald whispered as she closed her eyes, “but I can now…after meeting you. You’re not monsters like we’ve been taught. You’re just normal dragons like us, trying your best to survive. It might not seem like a lot to you, but just knowing that, strengthens my resolve to go on…to carry on fighting.”

Zoltar tilted his head as he gave her a puzzled look, but she didn’t notice him.

“I guess that’s all that really matters,” she murmured as she breathed a deep sigh.

Zoltar waited a few more moments, before turning away and heading a little further into the cave. He sat down a few dragon lengths from her and curled his tail in close as he watched her.

The rise and fall of her chest had become slow and rhythmic, her scales slowly fading to a dull grey as she slipped into sleep. She lay there, a tiny grey dragon among the endless glimmering lights of the cavern. She looked so small, so helpless…the complete opposite of the creatures that had taken Nira from him.

Sighing, he lay down and rested his head one of the silky vines trailing along the floor. Time past slowly as the gently gurgle of the river filled the cave. It was so peaceful, so different from the world outside.

Zoltar’s eyes felt so heavy, his body yearning for sleep, but he knew he couldn’t rest. Not yet. How could he? So much had happened since sunrise this morning and he needed to process it while he had the chance.

He rubbed a paw over his snout as frustration and confusion began to morph into an all too familiar horn ache.

He rubbed his talons over his horns and growled as the dull pain only intensified. He knew he should have been resting, but this had to be thought through. It was important. He didn’t want to end up doing something that he’d later regret.

What was he going to do? He’d tried not to get involved, to stay as detached from the situation as possible, but he couldn’t ignore it anymore. The fact was that his previous plan wasn’t going to work. The Wisp Talons weren’t a tribe that could just be destroyed. It just wasn’t that simple. This wasn’t about revenge anymore.

He sighed and glanced over at Emerald again. She had her snout turned towards the river. Her eyes were closed, but Zoltar could see her ears flick every once in a while.

The Wisp Talons were being forced into the sacrifices…at least that’s what he’d gathered from what Emerald had said.

What had happened to create the situation, he still wasn’t sure of. It must have something to do with the Death Grippers and definitely this Eclipse Emerald kept talking about, but that wasn’t really anything rock solid. Not enough to make a full picture of what was happening.

How they’d been forced into it didn’t really matter though. Not at the moment anyway. He knew enough to know that what he was planning to do was wrong. The Wisp Talons weren’t just cold blooded murderers. They were doing what they were doing to survive, killing outsiders to prevent the death of their own.

How could he just ignore that and help wipe them out anyway. Nira wouldn’t have wanted that. He didn’t want that. The only reason he’d agreed to this was because he’d thought they were monsters.

He shook his head, amused at the irony. Wasn’t that the excuse that the Wisp Talons were using to kill outsiders?

He snorted softly. How similar in actuality they were.

But where did that leave him? He couldn’t just drop the whole thing. His tribe still needed the land. He still needed a plan.

Problem was that each time he tried to form a plan, something would came tumbling through it and force him to rethink the whole thing.

Zoltar tapped his talons on the floor. Maybe he should just give up on having a plan for the moment and take one day at a time. For now, he needed information. Emerald was the best way to get it, but she was obviously wary of him. He couldn’t push it too far. Doing that could scare her off or worse yet, she might expect information out of him in exchange. That was the last place he wanted to go…at least for the time being.

Right now, he’d have to go slow and be careful. She was opening up to him, slowly. It shouldn’t take too long to get a rough picture of what was going on. In the meantime he could scout out the area, so that if he did end up needing to steal the gem, he’d be ready.


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Sat Aug 20, 2022 4:12 pm
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Liminality wrote a review...



Hi felistia!

First Impressions

The atmosphere of this chapter is slower and more reflective than some of the previous ones, and I like that change of pace for this scene. I found both characters equally sympathetic here, even though I don’t know them extremely well, so I think that’s a good sign! It’s definitely a more dialogue and later, monologue heavy chapter compared to the one directly before it that introduced this setting.

Characterisation

I’m starting to feel like I’m getting a sense of who the characters are. I think you portray Emerald very consistently as being someone who’s idealistic, and also a bit wise beyond her years (or seasons!).

She stroked his back gently, “Besides, sometimes it helps to look back on the past. It helps us see how we could do better in the future. Jasper and I do it all the time.”
I can see someone like Emerald believing this!
“Then that’s what we’ll have to do,” Emerald said finally, smiling faintly as she curled her tail in closer, “Topaz wouldn’t want me to give up and…I didn’t know Mowzan, but I’m sure he wouldn’t want you to either.”

This also is consistent with her character and also creates a more hopeful note for the story’s progression despite all the tragedy.

Meanwhile, I like how you developed Zoltar’s moral struggle in this chapter. I thought it felt realistic, since his decision seems to arrive slowly, after reflecting on his own motivations and how they might affect a change in his goals, now that he knows more about the Wisp Talons.
He knew enough to know that what he was planning to do was wrong. The Wisp Talons weren’t just cold blooded murderers. They were doing what they were doing to survive, killing outsiders to prevent the death of their own.

I like this bit – I think this shows that Zoltar fundamentally has a strong code of ethics, and he’s trying to do what is right, not just what suits him or solves his troubles. That makes him a likeable character to me!

Motivation

When reading previous chapters, I had the impression Emerald was interacting with Zoltar mainly because she wanted his help and was maybe just starting to become friends with him. It could just be me, but it feels like she reveals a lot about herself here to someone who is still quite a stranger to her, and I’m left wondering as to why. The way she begins the conversation, wanting Zoltar to talk about his own past also felt a bit sudden for me. How does she know they would be able to relate to each other so well? She seems to know, since she wants to offer solace to him. There’s not much regarding Emerald’s intentions and motivations surrounding Zoltar in this chapter, at least, though of course that may have been set up in a past chapter I haven’t read. ^^’ Still, even if it had been mentioned before, I think it would be nice to have those motivations show up again somehow outside the dialogue, maybe in a thought Zoltar has about Emerald.

Setting

I like the little details of the characters interacting with their environment.
A single tear rolled down his snout, dropping down onto a nearby flower, “Talking about it doesn’t help. It just reminds me how everything is going wrong and how there’s nothing I can do to fix it.”

I think the detail of the flower here for example maintains the sense of place, and also creates the feeling that the characters are in a little ‘bubble’ where they can recollect their thoughts. The delicate and tiny details set this scene apart from those that take place in the outside world.

Overall

I like the developments that happen in this chapter. While I would have liked to see more of a sense of Emerald’s motivations, I think we get a good idea of Zoltar’s inner thoughts and struggles. I imagine he’s going to see quite a few more things that might alter his perspective, and also that he and Emerald are probably heading into a danger zone.

Hope some of this helps, and feel free to ask for more feedback!
-Lim




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Wed Jun 22, 2022 8:34 am
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi felistia,

Mailice back with another review! :D

It's good that I decided to read on straight away, because both chapters are connected. I think the introduction to this part is extremely well done and how it develops. It shows two, if you take the end, three personalities of Zoltar struggling through here in equal measure. Especially here at the beginning, both points are spoken of:

Zoltar regarded her for a few moments, half of him willing himself to stay quiet, while the other half yearned to tell her everything.


Zoltar wants to grieve, on the one hand because he has experienced everything, and on the other hand he wants to talk about it and process it. He is an adult and a child, and doesn't really know how he wants to go on. Over the course of the chapter, I like how this becomes more and more apparent, which side is stronger. I think Zoltar needs to open up more to Emerald and you show it impressively in this part how he wants to do it. The conflict is well thought out and built up here.

A single tear rolled down his snout, dropping down onto a nearby flower,


Here I just want to say that it is a beautiful description, no matter how sad the situation is at the moment.

In the meantime he could scout out the area, so that if he did end up needing to steal the gem, he’d be ready.


Here is the third point I was talking about. Zoltar is fixated on his past but also on the future. At least the near future, without thinking about what comes after. I think you've done a good job of showing between the lines that Zoltar is not only going along with Emerald because he has no idea where he wants to go and because there's still danger lurking in the back of his mind, but it's clear here that he's also "obsessed" at times with creating something where he can be happy for himself.

The whole chapter comes across through the narration and tone as if Zoltar is trying to achieve something he has done, and I like this new approach. He talks about the things he couldn't change and now focuses on creating what he can do, even though he might not do it of his own free will.

I also found this chapter interesting in terms of development, because I find it extremely exciting to see what happens next and what further blows of fate come to Zoltar.

Have fun writing!

Mailice





If you run now, you will be running the rest of your life.
— Reborn