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The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Chapter 3

by felistia


The two blood red crescent moons were just visible behind the billowing clouds of smoke as they broke the surface of the ocean. What little light they provided, tainted the land in a scarlet haze, distorting familiar surroundings into an almost looking alien world.

In the distance, Mount Mokewtu glowed with a fiery rage as wave after wave of lava spilled over the mountain’s fractured basin. Small tremors shook the earth continually as the volcano’s never ending groans filled the night air.

Overlooking the devastation from a few miles away, stood the band of Shadow Talons, their heads bowed and their wings spread.

Then as if moved by an invisible force, they began to rock, sweeping their wings up and down in harmony. A low, mournful song filled the night as they twirled, lifting their heads to the heavens as they voiced their despair.

Through the smoke and fire surrounding what once had been the Shadow Talon city, little glimmers of gold could be seen slowly rising from the rubble.

Wings swept over blades of ghostly red grass as the Shadow Talons took to the air, their tails trailing across the blackened night. Streams of golden dust were now pouring into the heavens, the Shadow Talons circling ever higher as they followed the shimmering mist. Paws swayed in rhythm to the ancient song as the dance continued.

Gradually, the flow of the sparkling trails began to ebb as they disappeared into the rolling clouds of ash. The Shadow Talon dance slowed as the dragons returned to the earth, bowing their wings in respect as the last of their loved ones faded into the night.

It felt like an eternity before Hisster rose, folding his wings back against his sides. He let out a long sigh as he gave one last look at the volcano, before turning to address what was left of the tribe.

“Try to get some rest tonight. You’re going to need it. Tomorrow we will head for the plateau overlooking the beach. The ash and lava won’t reach us there. From there we’ll start forming some sort of shelter to wait this thing out. The eruption should last longer than six months to a year. We will just need to make do until then. As for re-building, we will address that when the time comes.”

Hisster dropped his head, refusing to meet the gaze of any of the other Shadow Talons as he passed between them. He walked sullenly down the hill to settle under one of the few scattered trees around the area, his black wings tented over himself to hide his face.

Gradually, the Shadow Talons began to disperse, some choosing to seek solace in small groups, while others went off on their own, preferring to grieve in solitude.

Before long, Nira and Zoltar were the only ones left. They sat in silence as they stared out at the almost pitch black night. Only the crimson light of the volcano pierced the darkness.

Even with his night vision, Zoltar found it hard to pick out the details in the landscape, though he was mostly thankful for this. He knew that the shadows hid a lot of the destruction. The light of dawn was not a welcome thought.

Nira breathed a long sigh next to him and clasped her paw in his before slowly turning to look at him.

“What are we going to do now?” She whispered, her voice barely able to carry the words without breaking.

Zoltar stared at the ground, the tears threatening to well up again. What were they going to do? Their whole tribe, save maybe a hundred or so Shadow Talons had been wiped out in one fell swoop. What was their future now?

Sure, they could resettle once the volcano’s anger ended, but what then? It would take centuries to repopulate. What would happen in the meantime?

They barely had enough dragons to continue on their species, let alone defend their homeland. But then again, who would want to take this from them. Now that they and the rest of Megalonia knew that Mount Mokewtu was active, who would want to live on her slopes again?

“I don’t know,” Zoltar said finally, brushing his wing against Nira’s, “I guess we’ll have to just see what happens. Hisster seems to have a plan. I guess we’ll just go along with him for the moment.”

Nira nodded as she leant against him, “I’m so glad you’re here. I don’t think I’d be able to keep things together if I’d lost you back there. You’re all I have left.”

Despite his sorrow, a little spark of warmth filled Zoltar’s heart upon hearing those words, “I don’t know what I’d do without you either.”

He breathed a quiet sigh as he wrapped one wing over Nira and rested his head on hers. They’d be okay. They’d make it through this…together.


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Sun May 23, 2021 12:12 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi felistia,

Mailice back with a shorter review than usual! :D

Let's jump right in:

The two blood red crescent moons were just visible behind the billowing clouds of smoke as they broke the surface of the ocean. What little light they provided, tainted the land in a scarlet haze, distorting familiar surroundings into an almost looking alien world.


Your introduction here turned out well. Even in the face of panic and catastrophe, you manage to bring in a certain harmony in a pleasant and extended tone.

Then as if moved by an invisible force, they began to rock, sweeping their wings up and down in harmony.


When it comes to grammar, I'm always a little unsure, but I think the "they" here in the sentence refers to the "band of Shadow Talons" from the previous paragraph. Since it is one group /band, I think the "they" should be replaced by "the Shadow Talons".

The chapter was a little short compared to the previous ones. I can understand that this chapter focuses more on showing the aftermath and coming up with a new plan. I like that this was done in one chapter. I also like that you get more emotions of the group grieving over the losses. You've done that well in some parts.

But I would say that because it's a larger group, you could have added some smaller aspects. For example, while Zoltar is talking to Nira, you could have added how you hear other dragons crying or wailing, while others are perhaps symbolically saying a prayer. Since the situation is already very grave, (think about it; a nation has been almost completely wiped out) I would have expanded it a bit more there to emphasise the drama.

I like how you always try to use different colours for the lava and the volcano throughout the chapter. It gives the whole text a very varied reading flow.

Otherwise, I liked that the reader was able to see a little better how Zoltar reacts to the catastrophe. I like the fact that he still has hope, however, and now stays with Nira.

Enjoy the writing!

Mailice.




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Tue May 11, 2021 4:17 pm
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm finally back to leave another review on this wonderful story here...

First Impression: Well...finally back to review this....I'm hoping you guys can expect more regular reviews from me again now that I'm more free...well...anyway...not gonna say too much about the chapter up here...let's get right into more detail.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The two blood red crescent moons were just visible behind the billowing clouds of smoke as they broke the surface of the ocean. What little light they provided, tainted the land in a scarlet haze, distorting familiar surroundings into an almost looking alien world.

In the distance, Mount Mokewtu glowed with a fiery rage as wave after wave of lava spilled over the mountain’s fractured basin. Small tremors shook the earth continually as the volcano’s never ending groans filled the night air.


Ahh some powerful descriptions there as we're taken right into the scene of this destruction here. Oh well...ahh the all too familiar scenes of devastation coming up I see.

Overlooking the devastation from a few miles away, stood the band of Shadow Talons, their heads bowed and their wings spread.

Then as if moved by an invisible force, they began to rock, sweeping their wings up and down in harmony. A low, mournful song filled the night as they twirled, lifting their heads to the heavens as they voiced their despair.


Well this nice little ritual is a nice addition there...does deepen the overall backstory here by mentioning what's a nice little custom here and I'm liking this little addition so far.

Through the smoke and fire surrounding what once had been the Shadow Talon city, little glimmers of gold could be seen slowly rising from the rubble.

Wings swept over blades of ghostly red grass as the Shadow Talons took to the air, their tails trailing across the blackened night. Streams of golden dust were now pouring into the heavens, the Shadow Talons circling ever higher as they followed the shimmering mist. Paws swayed in rhythm to the ancient song as the dance continued.


ANcient songs and gold dust....now that...is a truly great combination...looks like there's almost some sort of magic involved and I am all for it right now. Let's see where this goes.

Gradually, the flow of the sparkling trails began to ebb as they disappeared into the rolling clouds of ash. The Shadow Talon dance slowed as the dragons returned to the earth, bowing their wings in respect as the last of their loved ones faded into the night.

It felt like an eternity before Hisster rose, folding his wings back against his sides. He let out a long sigh as he gave one last look at the volcano, before turning to address what was left of the tribe.


Well...that's quite an epic send off there...I mean its still quite sad but ehh...this is definitely quite a lovely way to pay respects to those who've passed on here.

“Try to get some rest tonight. You’re going to need it. Tomorrow we will head for the plateau overlooking the beach. The ash and lava won’t reach us there. From there we’ll start forming some sort of shelter to wait this thing out. The eruption should last longer than six months to a year. We will just need to make do until then. As for re-building, we will address that when the time comes.”


Okay...solid plan there chief...that's always a good sign to see...a dude that knows how to handle a crisis leading a pack is always a very good plan...and you're leaders are always so good at this..although dang...this guy's name makes me still have a silly suspicion about him although by this point I should've realized nothing's wrong here.

Hisster dropped his head, refusing to meet the gaze of any of the other Shadow Talons as he passed between them. He walked sullenly down the hill to settle under one of the few scattered trees around the area, his black wings tented over himself to hide his face.

Gradually, the Shadow Talons began to disperse, some choosing to seek solace in small groups, while others went off on their own, preferring to grieve in solitude.


Well...that's about as much as you can do I suppose. Oh well...that's just how the cookie crumbles sometimes unfortunately.

Before long, Nira and Zoltar were the only ones left. They sat in silence as they stared out at the almost pitch black night. Only the crimson light of the volcano pierced the darkness.

Even with his night vision, Zoltar found it hard to pick out the details in the landscape, though he was mostly thankful for this. He knew that the shadows hid a lot of the destruction. The light of dawn was not a welcome thought.


Oh dear...never thought of quite what that kind of terrible scene that might imply...oh wow, they're prolly gonna see...oh dear...that is a dark set of thoughts right there.

Nira breathed a long sigh next to him and clasped her paw in his before slowly turning to look at him.

“What are we going to do now?” She whispered, her voice barely able to carry the words without breaking.

Zoltar stared at the ground, the tears threatening to well up again. What were they going to do? Their whole tribe, save maybe a hundred or so Shadow Talons had been wiped out in one fell swoop. What was their future now?


Well..I guess all they can really ever do is move on here...I mean...not much else left that they're able to do.

Sure, they could resettle once the volcano’s anger ended, but what then? It would take centuries to repopulate. What would happen in the meantime?

They barely had enough dragons to continue on their species, let alone defend their homeland. But then again, who would want to take this from them. Now that they and the rest of Megalonia knew that Mount Mokewtu was active, who would want to live on her slopes again?


Well...that is definitely a situation that requires a lot of rather long thinking there....although I'm guessing our little quest here is about to factor in and answer some of those questions there.

I don’t know,” Zoltar said finally, brushing his wing against Nira’s, “I guess we’ll have to just see what happens. Hisster seems to have a plan. I guess we’ll just go along with him for the moment.”

Nira nodded as she leant against him, “I’m so glad you’re here. I don’t think I’d be able to keep things together if I’d lost you back there. You’re all I have left.”


Aww....well that's sweet...and totally not making me think of her death...no...nooooo...ahhh

Despite his sorrow, a little spark of warmth filled Zoltar’s heart upon hearing those words, “I don’t know what I’d do without you either.”

He breathed a quiet sigh as he wrapped one wing over Nira and rested his head on hers. They’d be okay. They’d make it through this…together.


*Begins crying*

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: All in all, another lovely little chapter here...as always....love the little additions here...the extra bits of their customs and then a few more important questions asked does make this a better story here...looking forward to getting around to review the next chapter soon.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




felistia says...


Thank you so much for the review. I was practically bouncing up and down this morning when I saw it. :D



HarryHardy says...


:D



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Tue Apr 13, 2021 12:57 pm
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Ducklinstories wrote a review...



Hey Hey, Ducklin here for a quick review! Let's start, shall we?


I have to start off by telling you how humanly and though realistic you made the dragons. It was really pleasing to finally read a story that could describe dragons delicately, so good job!!

your grammar and punctuation looked perfectly fine to me, I thought I saw no spelling errors.

Although I miss a little bit of description of the dragons that's probably because I only started reading from chapter 3.

That's it for now!
Keep up the good work and keep on writing

greetings
-Ducklin




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Mon Apr 12, 2021 4:00 pm
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BEASTtheHUN wrote a review...



I like this a lot. It's real in a way, about as real as you can get with dragons that is, but still, the emotions resonate in a way that deeply resembles that of our own as humans. You bring this lifelike quality to everything you write and it really makes your stories enjoyable. I mean, seriously, how would we feel if our home just erupted and then some of our family or our race was killed. I think we would be devastated as well. The lifelike quality is what makes your writing engrossing. The descriptive imagery, again, spot on. It transports you to where you as the author want us to be. The dialogue is spot on. Your writing has this perfect flow that is almost enviable. If I were a publisher right now, reading this and your other chapters I would publish you. No questions asked. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this chapter. I enjoyed it a lot, and I look forward to the next chapter. Until next time!





Maybe we're all just complex human beings with skewed perceptions of each other.
— Ventomology