The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Chapter 16

Hi felistia,

Mailice here with a short review!

Wow. That was an amazing chapter with a whole new beginning. I found it a strong revelation of Krakatoa showing Hisster and Zoltar what Stones he has already got. The story develops more and more into an exciting adventure. Especially the addition of Sidious works very well and interesting. How will Zoltar get along with him? What will Sidious do? Will he really help Zoltar or, when push comes to shove, value his own life more than Zoltar's? You create a really good start to the great quest to find the Stones with this chapter. Unfortunately, it's also a goodbye to Hisster I suppose. He was also visibly shocked by not being able to help. Krakatoa has thought of everything, a real master tactician who is five or six steps ahead of everyone. As always, I am curious to see what will happen next....

What I particularly liked in this chapter, which I found a bit rushed in the last chapter, were the explanations. I liked how Krakatoa presents to the two Shadow Talons what he has already achieved. You can't underestimate him and his tribe at all. I liked how in this chapter Hisster was more in the foreground and like Zoltar, I too was very surprised at Krakatoa's view that Zoltar should do the quest. What I thought and suspected of Hisster all these chapters, and what I thought of him, is already very much eclipsed with what Krakatoa is. He seems to be better at everything and was just waiting for an opportunity like this. I also like the fact that none of them ask what Krakatoa wants to do with the stones.

It was a very exciting chapter and reminded me of the beginning of an RPG video game. I am now curious to see how Zoltar will work with Sidious, or if there will be any such work at all, and how they will try to plan their path. I am also very curious to meet the other tribes and what tricks they will use to try to get the stones. Oh, you really made me very eager here, that I actually want to read the next chapter already now.

But let's start with some things I noticed while reading:

Zoltar couldn't believe what Hisster was agreeing to. This was against tribe law.

First of all, a very good start, which ties in with the previous chapter. I also like the fact that the reader learns about some of the tribe laws and wonder if this is the case with every tribe or only with the Shadow Talons.

I'm willing to risk the consciences.

I was very puzzled by this point and yet very pleased; I like the fact that Hisster is more concerned with himself and not with the consequences of others. Very interesting action on his part.

I won't divulge exactly how I got it,

I would be very interested to know how he did it.

Not so fast Shadow Talon. I don't want the chief of even a rather insignificant tribe wandering around Megalonia asking for Stones.

Krakatoa is really unpredictable. Here you can clearly see how he looks down on the two.

If the Keepers were to find out about this little scheme, you'd lose the chance to earn a Power Stone of your own and we'd lose the chance to reclaim ours.

So Keepers are the ones from a tribe who look after the Stones. I am curious to see which tribe Zoltar will start with. Especially in relation to their own tribe - will this be taken first or last?

Sidious here will accompany him on his quest, to provide support and ... other services.

What does Krakatoa mean by "other services"?

norther sea

I think Northern sea is meant here?

Overall, it was a really great and informative chapter that immediately drew me in. You kept your style even in this very important moment, and portrayed the tension well through the emotions and actions during the dialogues!

Have fun writing!

Mailice

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm baaack....and very excited to see what this surprise is going to be...have I predicted it or not is the big question

First Impression: Well....ahh..so much new stuff happening in this story, certainly does seem to be introducing a lot and well I'm really excited to see how this is going to end up influencing things here...

Anyway let's get right to it,

Zoltar couldn’t believe what Hisster was agreeing to. This was against tribe law. They couldn’t do this. The Keepers would be furious. They could lose their own chance to claim a Power Stone if they did this. Besides that, the Ghost Talons had misused and corrupted the Stone. The Keepers had reclaimed it for a reason. If they did this, they’d be granting the Ghost Talons unimaginable power.

Hmm...well I suppose this time we get a good sense of what the consequences of giving them what they want will be and well...those consequences don't sound pretty but well...doesn't look like there really is anything they can do to say no to that either there

He looked at Hisster beseechingly and placed a paw on his.

“We can’t do this. It’s wrong,” he whispered, very aware of Sidious’s prying gaze as he stood a little way off from them.

Hisster shrugged off his paw, “I have no choice. Our tribe’s future is at stake. I’m willing to risk the consciences.”

With a deep breath he turned to Krakatoa, “We’ll do it.”

Yup...that is pretty much just how bad the situation is, they really are desperate to the point that there's nothing they could do to really deny this...after this doesn't really feel like a negotiation for aid here, its very clear who's in charge and who actually has the options here.

Krakatoa flashed his fangs, the sabers gleaming despite the dim light, “Wonderful.”

He jerked his head at Sidious, who nodded and quickly walked out the room. Zoltar watched him go. What was he doing? It couldn’t be that Krakatoa wanted him out of the conversation. If that was the case, he would’ve left the room before Krakatoa had even started talking.

Well, either there's about to talk of some suuuper secret stuff that not even this guy's henchmen are allowed to here, which is not the most likely, or... he's sent him to go fetch some stuff there...wonder what that might be about...him leaving right at the start of the chapter here is definitely concerning.

Still suspicious, Zoltar focused back on Krakatoa. The Ghost Talon was sitting with his tail curled over his talons, a triumphant smirk on his snout, “So, I take it that you know the terms of a Power Stone quest?”

Hisster nodded, his wings twitching irritably, “Yes.”

Hmm...well I suppose as the leader of a tribe that's something that Hisster should konw there...that makes a decent amount of sense there....although now I wonder how this whole other system might end up factoring into this story...ahhh...this is getting even more layers added to it now the further it goes...ahh..more things to keep track of now.

“Good,” Krakatoa flexed his talons as he examined one of his paws, “Now, I know you and the Sea Talons are holding a grudge against one another. They’d never give you a Pearl, especially if they knew it was for a Power Stone Quest. However, lucky for you, I’ve got that problem solved.”

He waved a paw at something behind them and Zoltar looked back to see Sidious walking back in the door. Zoltar stifled a sharp gasp. The Ghost Talon had three Stones in his talons.

Hmm..so he did run over there to grab some stuff...well..three stones is definitely not what I was expecting....I was predicting that would be two stones...but uh...well, let's see if my guesses are correct here, I have a feeling at least one of my guesses has to be right...unless these are some entirely different stones here.

Padding over to Krakatoa, Sidious placed the Stones in the chief’s paw and stepped back.

“As you can see, I’ve managed to acquire three of the Tribal Stones. One of course is our own; a Ruby. This one is the Moon Talon’s Stone, because that tribe is gullible as anything,” Krakatoa held up the milky white and blue stone.

Ooooh..yes...I managed to guess both correct..but I never imagined that this is the way Zoltar would get his hands on a sea talong pearl...I was expecting the moon talong and the ghost talon stones though, those definitely seemed like the easiest things to obtain at that point and it made sense for the ghost talons to either hand them over or say that they already had those and those wouldn't need to be found.

“And the last is the Pearl. I won’t divulge exactly how I got it, but let’s just say that the Sea Talons wanted something really badly and were willing to part with one of their Stones,” he smiled as yellow smoke twisting over his horns.

Krakatoa placed the three Stones into Hisster’s paw, before stepping away, “So as you can see, you’ve already got three Stones out of seven. If you take into account your Stone, you’ll find that you only need to acquire three more before presenting them to the Keepers. I think that’s a pretty reasonable request for my army’s assistance.”

Well...well you put it that way it might actually sound like something that's fairly reasonable but of course this is not taking into account the other consequences that could happen as a result of this and I assume those are pretty darn bad there.

Hisster dipped his horns gratefully, “Thank you your Majesty. I will begin the mission as soon as possible, once I have found someone to take my place as chief while I’m gone.”

“Not so fast Shadow Talon. I don’t want the chief of even a rather insignificant tribe wandering around Megalonia asking for Stones. It will draw to much attention. Remember, this isn’t exactly how the rules are supposed to be followed. If the Keepers were to find out about this little scheme, you’d lose the chance to earn a Power Stone of your own and we’d lose the chance to reclaim ours.”

Hmm...well Krakatoa is certainly a smart one there to make a decision like that...although I doubt this is going to go completely unnoticed even in that case...this is a story after all, its never supposed to be that easy.

“No,” he growled, his crimson eyes flicking from Hisster to Zoltar, “That one will do. He is just a soldier and so will attract less attention. If you trust him enough to bring him here, than he is just as capable of completing this task as you.”

Hisster’s face took on a panicked expression as he looked from Krakatoa to Zoltar and back, “But your Majesty…”

Well clearly Hisster wasn't informed of that part of the deal...no has he ever read a book...cause he clearly doesn't seem to know that when you deal with shady people, they never ever tell you the full story.

Krakatoa held up a paw, silencing Hisster, “That is my ruling. Don’t worry about him having to do it on his own though. Sidious here will accompany him on his quest, to provide support and … other services.”

Well that is certainly an surprise, I was maybe thinking Hisster and Zoltar may end up going on the quest together...but hmm..never expected there to be a ghost talon going along with him...well..you caught me with that one...

Zoltar’s heart was pounding heavily against his rib cage as he glanced over at Sidious. What was happening? He couldn’t do this.

“I will give you the rest of the day to think this over and prepare. Sidious will fly over tomorrow morning and will give you back these Stones should you still wish to complete the quest. I urge you to accept it,” Krakatoa hissed in a low voice as he took the Stones from Hisster, “Your tribe is running out of options.”

On the bright side...Krakatoa didn't threaten to just kill them this time...he's just making them an offer for them to have a chance at saving the tribe, they can say no and all they would have to face is...well nature...so that's a good change I think..

The Shadow Talon chief flinched as Krakatoa turned and stepped back onto the rock platform behind him.

“I’ll escort you out,” Sidious drawled, batting a wing against Zoltar as he coaxed them towards the tunnel.

Aaand off we go...well I suppose this day to think will mean the actual quest won't be starting until the next chapter...aww...

Lowering his head, Zoltar allowed himself to be lead up the corridor. He didn’t know what to think. So many questions were blustering through his mind that it seemed almost like white noise. One did stand out though. He was going to have to complete this mission. He was the one who would have to go back to the Wisp Talon Island and find a way to get an Opal.

How was he going to do this?

Oh I don't that will be too tough for you...the ice diamond part is definitely going to be the craziest part for you in my opinion, the wind one should also be relatively easy compared to that other one.

It was late afternoon by the time the two Shadow Talons left the Ghost Talons grass passageways. Dark thunder clouds were rolling in over the plains from the norther sea. The endless sea of golden grass stretched out before them, the blades sending up a continuous crackling roar as they rolled like a raging ocean.

Well...once again very appropriate weather for the kind of terrible quest that these two have just been handed...perfect weather for contemplating potentially life changing decisions like those...xD

“I best be getting back,” Sidious said, his voice almost lost in the growl of the oncoming storm, “No need for me to get wet as well.”

Cackling, he dipped back into the snout high grasses and disappeared.

Of course he had to cackle....

Zoltar risked a quick hiss in the Ghost Talon’s direction. He really was starting to hate him and his condescending nature. The thought of spending a few hours, let along possibly months with him was nauseating.

“Come on. We need to try to get above that before the storm breaks,” Hisster said, pointing a wing at the continually darkening sky.

Zoltar nodded. The last thing they need was to be stuck in Ghost Talon territory for the night.

Yeah....that certainly seems like a smart idea, unless you're a ghost talon, I don't think spending any kind of time there is going to be a good decision...the place seems downright toxic and fit for well...ghosts.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, another lovely chapter and I can't wait to see what happens after this...ahh so many new cools things are being added to this...and hmm...it should be very interesting to see what what ends up happening with Sidious here...if he gets added to the mix...well...this will certainly be very interesting.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry