z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Chapter 8

by felistia


Moon Talon by @FlamingPhoenix

The mountains shone a flaming crimson as the sun rose steadily over the towering peaks. It bathed the Moon Talon village below in bright ruby and golden copper rays, driving the mist curling around the houses back to the shadows. The bright green fields surrounding the village blushed golden emerald as the sun’s light swept over the swaying grasses.

A roaring river cascaded down from the tree covered mountains behind the village. It twisted and turned like a writhing serpent on its course down through the fields and out to the far off sea. Willows bowed over the gushing water, their long vines whipped up by the raging current.

Zoltar sighed contentedly as he let the sun’s heat warm his back spines. The wind brushed his wing tips and whistled in his ears as he took a deep breath of the sweet, early afternoon air.

Now that they were out of Sea Talon territory, he could feel himself relax. It was always nerve racking to fly over the archipelago. Shadow Talons were permitted to cross over the area so long as they never landed and remained at high altitude, but it was still an uncomfortable experience. He could feel the eyes of those below follow him as he flew, their hatred and distrust clear as the ocean they swam in.

A ripple of nervous anticipation crossed his crystal black scales like electric sparks as he scanned the ground below with his sharp eyes.

This was the last village before they reached the sea a few miles away. Like all the other’s they’d passed, this one was quiet, it’s inhabitants curled up in their mud huts sleeping of the sun cloaked hours of the day. Come evening this village along with many others across the region would become a bustling hub of activity as dragons awoke for their slumber.

Zoltar smiled at the few memories he had of this village. He’d flown over it many a time on his travels back and forth across the continent. Sometimes he’d stop to rest or to trade for food and water before continuing on his journey. The Moon Talons were always welcoming towards strangers, despite the fact that they were from different tribes.

Often when he flew overhead, dragons on the ground would wave and smile as he passed over. He’d would always try to wave back, returning the gesture of kindness.

It felt strange to interact with another tribe on such friendly terms, but the Moon Talons had always been like this. Zoltar sometimes found himself wondering why other tribes weren’t like this.

His thoughts were disturbed when he felt Scorpus’s wing brush against his. He turn to face the old commander.

“Well done,” The old warrior smiled warmly at him, “Hisster told me about the island and what you found. It looks promising.”

“Thank you Sir,” Zoltar said as a surge of happiness filled him.

Scorpus dipped his horns and took the lead once more, leaving Nira flying next to Zoltar.

She flashed him an approving smile and Zoltar knew she’d overheard Scorpus’s compliment. He grinned back, knowing how goofy he must look. He still felt like a little dragonet around Scorpus, always seeking the warrior’s praise. He rarely got it, but that’s what made it so special.

His thoughts were broken by the distant roar of waves breaking onto the shore. Zoltar looked up to see the sparkling, blue ocean on the horizon, its frothing waves catching the sun’s golden light as they curled.

The Moon Talon village had given way to thick forest, the emerald leaves dancing in the afternoon breeze. Birds warbled and chirped from the waving branches and small, silver, winged lizards glided from tree to tree.

It wouldn’t be long before they reached the ocean.

Waves crashed onto the golden sand bordering the forest as group flew overhead. Small fish darted in the shallows, their bright, violet shapes zipping through the water like shooting stars.

Zoltar breathed in the salty air happily as he soared out over the sea. His shadow danced on the water below him as he sped along. The sun’s yellow beams warmed his back and white sea spray cooled his belly.

Open ocean lay as far as the eye could see and before long the small band was surrounded by the rolling blue waters. Only the angle of the sun proved a faint idea of the direction they were traveling in.

Zoltar always hated this part of the missions. Flying out into ocean with no land in sight. It was a chilling experience every time.

It was late afternoon when he saw the small, desert island materialize from the never ending blanket of blue. He remembered seeing it the last time he’d flown by. They were getting close.

Before long, Scorpus glided in from the front and began flying in tight formation besides Zoltar and Nira. His eyes were trained on the sea ahead. Zoltar followed his gaze.

Far off in the distance he could see mist swirling around tall pillars of seaweed covered rock, their peaks reaching for the sky like dragon claws.

Zoltar felt his stomach begin to churn. They were here.

“And you say the island is hidden behind that mist?” Scorpus asked, his eyes still trained on the pillars ahead.

“Yes Sir. We can fly over the columns pretty easily. The forest is just beyond the beach. From there I’m not sure what we’ll encounter.”

Scorpus nodded, tilted his wings and began to gain height. Zoltar and Nira followed, beating their wings steadily as they rose.

Soon they were far above the ocean and on course to fly straight over the maze.

As they passed over, Zoltar couldn’t help scanning below. The mist swirled below like a writhing sea and strange echoing calls reverberated from the haze, but he couldn’t see nothing.

He felt a brush on his left wing and looked over to see Nira flying beside him, her wing just brushing his. Her eyes reflected the unease he felt, but they pushed on.

Before long they broke through the heaviest of the fog and landed on a beach. Tendrils of mist snaked over the dark grey pebbles that made up with coast. Thick forest boarded the beach. Not a blade of the weak afternoon light could break through the dense foliage as the sun sunk ever closer to the horizon. The sky was still hazy with mist and it was hard to make out anything beyond the forest’s edge.

“Are we going to fly over the island or do you wish to have a look on paw, Sir?” Nira asked Scorpus after a quick look around.

“I think we should go on paw for the moment as Zoltar’s already scouted the island from the air. We will need to make a pass over the island soon though as we’ll need to find a cave to rest in for the night,” Scorpus said as he began to head up the slight incline from the beach towards the forest. He stopped to sniff the air before entering the tree line, but proceeded after a few moments.

Sucking in a deep breath Zoltar followed Nira and Scorpus who were just a few steps in front of him.

He couldn’t help, but feel like he was being watched as he entered the trees. The dense undergrowth and heavy tree cover made it hard to make anything out as he scanned around him. Tilting his snout to catch the faint breeze, he took a whiff of the air. The heavy scent of damp earth and leaf litter filled his senses clouding out any other odors. If there was anyone out there, they were staying well hidden.

After one last look around, Zoltar continued after the others, despite the lingering feeling of unease.


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32 Reviews


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Sun Jun 27, 2021 7:36 am
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EM8650 wrote a review...



Hey there,
First off i love the art that you have included in this post.
This was another really well written chapter, the description you have used when writing the first paragraph puts a clear, strong image in my mind, which is really good for capturing your readers attention. Another thing i quite enjoyed about this chapter is that we get a little more insight into why some of the character act the way they do while also creating that mystery needed to keep a reader hooked.
Finally i like how you ended this chapter, you have stated that Zoltar feel's like he's being watched however he cannot detect anyone and yet despite that he still feels "unease" which is a nice way to leave your audience wanting to read on.
Overall, you have done a great job with the continuation of this story and i personally can't wait to read the next chapter.
Keep up the amazing writing




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Sun May 23, 2021 9:22 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi felistia,

Mailice back with a short review! :D

First of all, compliments to FlamingPhoenix for the always great drawings. I find the Moon Talon very detailed and great and also like how it looks at the moon. As the creator of the creatures, do you have a rough idea of what the Talons look like or do you leave the look to FlamingPhoenix?

You start the chapter again with such a beautiful and detailed view which I just love. I can very well imagine Zoltar flying over it and looking at it; liking and even envying this idyll. Again, huge compliments for your descriptions and worldbuilding! It must have taken you a long time to be satisfied with everything.

Shadow Talons were permitted to cross over the area so long as they never landed and remained at high altitude, but it was still an uncomfortable experience.


I would be interested to know a little bit about the history and what the laws are.

Often when he flew overhead, dragons on the ground would wave and smile as he passed over. He'd would always try to wave back, returning the gesture of kindness.


I can well imagine that it makes Zoltar very happy when he sees such kind gestures I can also imagine him shedding a tear when he sees the village or goes there, and then remembers back to his home... You manage to build an emotional connection to him here with your sentences that I didn't think was possible. Using this passive method, you indirectly succeed in drawing the reader's attention to things that are not actually in the text. Especially in the case of rather negative emotions, you manage to create an obfuscation in this way.

He grinned back, knowing how goofy he must look.


I'm glad he's happy, even if it's only for a short moment. It doesn't matter if one looks goofy or not, at least one is happy. :D

Zoltar always hated this part of the missions. Flying out into the ocean with no land in sight. It was a chilling experience every time.
It was late afternoon when he saw the small, desert island materialize from the never ending blanket of blue. He remembered seeing it the last time he'd flown by.


I would create a section change with the hyphens here similar to what you have already shown, because otherwise it doesn't add much to the drama of the first section quoted here when the very next one describes how they finally see the island.

Tendrils of mist snaked over the dark grey pebbles that made up with coast.


I think this is a matter of taste, but the "coast" at the end feels a bit odd and I think you meant to put "sand" or something similar here.

After one last look around, Zoltar continued after the others, despite the lingering feeling of unease.


You manage to insert an excellent cliffhanger in every chapter so far, which keeps the reader hooked.

The chapter had charm, in that one learned some things indirectly, about the characters and of course it was a fabulous showcase of your writing style and the descriptions you have included here. I like how you managed to build this simple plot of the journey from one point to the next with such variety and attention to detail.

A quick question that comes to mind while reading now is whether the Shadow Talons have a certain organ that allows them to communicate verbally with each other even at high altitudes and against the strong wind or if their ears are just extremely good. I mean, it must be very loud up in the air. :D

Again, a quick compliment (I know I keep repeating myself) for all the finesse for your details and descriptions. For me, it's very important to feel like I' m there in a story. I need to feel the wind slapping against my face, I need to feel the pain making my worst nightmares come true and I need to see the world change around me. You manage to present such an account well on different levels. You don't just stop at one level of presenting what you see, but also the feelings associated with it or the sounds that surround it. You infuse life into this world with your pen. It gives the reader this familiarity and desire to be submerged like a submarine when reading and let the author guide them.

Now I think this is a point in the plot where I would briefly interject that Zoltar is quite a very intriguing and well-built character. You have not failed to show a new side to him in almost every chapter, making the character more and more of a real picture over the chapters. I don't think you're done showing him either, and there are still some things and surprises to look forward to there.

So now it's about 11.25 p.m... time to play some more video games before I go to sleep. :D

Have fun writing!

Mailice




felistia says...


Thank you so much for all your reviews. You're going through this quickly. :D

As for the drawing that FlamingPheonix does, sometimes I have a very clear idea, but most of the time I have a color in mind and the abilities. I let her come up with the design as generally it's better than what I could come up with.

I'm so glad you like the description. It's my favorite part to write. Other parts such as dialogue I struggle with most of the time.



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Fri May 21, 2021 9:52 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm baaack to review this one...ahhhh....well...*prepares tissues just in case*

First Impression: Well...here we go....the setup to that very much ill fated exploration of the island...well...the description here as they're flying over is wonderful as always..neat little filler chapter here before we get to real action in the next one...xD

Anyway let's get right to it,

The mountains shone a flaming crimson as the sun rose steadily over the towering peaks. It bathed the Moon Talon village below in bright ruby and golden copper rays, driving the mist curling around the houses back to the shadows. The bright green fields surrounding the village blushed golden emerald as the sun’s light swept over the swaying grasses.

A roaring river cascaded down from the tree covered mountains behind the village. It twisted and turned like a writhing serpent on its course down through the fields and out to the far off sea. Willows bowed over the gushing water, their long vines whipped up by the raging current.


Hmm....lovely description to start things off...setting a pretty nice and relaxed scene here...giving no hints of the carnage to follow I see

Zoltar sighed contentedly as he let the sun’s heat warm his back spines. The wind brushed his wing tips and whistled in his ears as he took a deep breath of the sweet, early afternoon air.

Now that they were out of Sea Talon territory, he could feel himself relax. It was always nerve racking to fly over the archipelago. Shadow Talons were permitted to cross over the area so long as they never landed and remained at high altitude, but it was still an uncomfortable experience. He could feel the eyes of those below follow him as he flew, their hatred and distrust clear as the ocean they swam in.


That does sound like a pretty uneasy arrangement there to be flying over...can't blame him for feeling terrible about that one...

A ripple of nervous anticipation crossed his crystal black scales like electric sparks as he scanned the ground below with his sharp eyes.

This was the last village before they reached the sea a few miles away. Like all the other’s they’d passed, this one was quiet, it’s inhabitants curled up in their mud huts sleeping of the sun cloaked hours of the day. Come evening this village along with many others across the region would become a bustling hub of activity as dragons awoke for their slumber.


Hmm...well I guess it makes sense why they're called Moon Talons then xD

Zoltar smiled at the few memories he had of this village. He’d flown over it many a time on his travels back and forth across the continent. Sometimes he’d stop to rest or to trade for food and water before continuing on his journey. The Moon Talons were always welcoming towards strangers, despite the fact that they were from different tribes.

Often when he flew overhead, dragons on the ground would wave and smile as he passed over. He’d would always try to wave back, returning the gesture of kindness.


Heh...that's a lovely little example of how one kind act can lead to another....all the tribes could learn a thing or two here.

It felt strange to interact with another tribe on such friendly terms, but the Moon Talons had always been like this. Zoltar sometimes found himself wondering why other tribes weren’t like this.

His thoughts were disturbed when he felt Scorpus’s wing brush against his. He turn to face the old commander.


Well...it certainly would make things a lot easier if all the tribes were like that...but then we wouldn't have a story now...would we ;)

“Well done,” The old warrior smiled warmly at him, “Hisster told me about the island and what you found. It looks promising.”

“Thank you Sir,” Zoltar said as a surge of happiness filled him.

Scorpus dipped his horns and took the lead once more, leaving Nira flying next to Zoltar.


Well Scorpus...you might rethink that statement in a little bit.

She flashed him an approving smile and Zoltar knew she’d overheard Scorpus’s compliment. He grinned back, knowing how goofy he must look. He still felt like a little dragonet around Scorpus, always seeking the warrior’s praise. He rarely got it, but that’s what made it so special.

His thoughts were broken by the distant roar of waves breaking onto the shore. Zoltar looked up to see the sparkling, blue ocean on the horizon, its frothing waves catching the sun’s golden light as they curled.


Hmm...well that's kind of cute to see Zoltar wanting that praise so much....xD...shows you how much he ends up growing up over the cause of this story.

The Moon Talon village had given way to thick forest, the emerald leaves dancing in the afternoon breeze. Birds warbled and chirped from the waving branches and small, silver, winged lizards glided from tree to tree.

It wouldn’t be long before they reached the ocean.


Yes....the island of doom is just around the corner at this point.

Waves crashed onto the golden sand bordering the forest as group flew overhead. Small fish darted in the shallows, their bright, violet shapes zipping through the water like shooting stars.

Zoltar breathed in the salty air happily as he soared out over the sea. His shadow danced on the water below him as he sped along. The sun’s yellow beams warmed his back and white sea spray cooled his belly.


Well....the usual touch of lovely description I see...

Open ocean lay as far as the eye could see and before long the small band was surrounded by the rolling blue waters. Only the angle of the sun proved a faint idea of the direction they were traveling in.

Zoltar always hated this part of the missions. Flying out into ocean with no land in sight. It was a chilling experience every time.


Well...for a creature of the air, that's probably fair...and no I didn't rhyme that on purpose...of course not....*looks around quickly*

It was late afternoon when he saw the small, desert island materialize from the never ending blanket of blue. He remembered seeing it the last time he’d flown by. They were getting close.

Before long, Scorpus glided in from the front and began flying in tight formation besides Zoltar and Nira. His eyes were trained on the sea ahead. Zoltar followed his gaze.

Far off in the distance he could see mist swirling around tall pillars of seaweed covered rock, their peaks reaching for the sky like dragon claws.


Ahh there come the infamous death pillars into view....ahh...the thought of knowing we're going to go through that entire emotional rollercoaster all over again...ahh the anticipation is just too much at this point.

Zoltar felt his stomach begin to churn. They were here.

“And you say the island is hidden behind that mist?” Scorpus asked, his eyes still trained on the pillars ahead.

“Yes Sir. We can fly over the columns pretty easily. The forest is just beyond the beach. From there I’m not sure what we’ll encounter.”


That should've been the first clue honestly, islands surrounded in mists are generally the hiding places of tragic storms and or evil dragons.

Scorpus nodded, tilted his wings and began to gain height. Zoltar and Nira followed, beating their wings steadily as they rose.

Soon they were far above the ocean and on course to fly straight over the maze.

As they passed over, Zoltar couldn’t help scanning below. The mist swirled below like a writhing sea and strange echoing calls reverberated from the haze, but he couldn’t see nothing.


Oh yup...there's a lot of scary things down in there...don't you worry about that.

He felt a brush on his left wing and looked over to see Nira flying beside him, her wing just brushing his. Her eyes reflected the unease he felt, but they pushed on.

Before long they broke through the heaviest of the fog and landed on a beach. Tendrils of mist snaked over the dark grey pebbles that made up with coast. Thick forest boarded the beach. Not a blade of the weak afternoon light could break through the dense foliage as the sun sunk ever closer to the horizon. The sky was still hazy with mist and it was hard to make out anything beyond the forest’s edge.


Another lovely description there....

“Are we going to fly over the island or do you wish to have a look on paw, Sir?” Nira asked Scorpus after a quick look around.

“I think we should go on paw for the moment as Zoltar’s already scouted the island from the air. We will need to make a pass over the island soon though as we’ll need to find a cave to rest in for the night,” Scorpus said as he began to head up the slight incline from the beach towards the forest. He stopped to sniff the air before entering the tree line, but proceeded after a few moments.


Well into the forest of doom they go...

Sucking in a deep breath Zoltar followed Nira and Scorpus who were just a few steps in front of him.

He couldn’t help, but feel like he was being watched as he entered the trees. The dense undergrowth and heavy tree cover made it hard to make anything out as he scanned around him. Tilting his snout to catch the faint breeze, he took a whiff of the air. The heavy scent of damp earth and leaf litter filled his senses clouding out any other odors. If there was anyone out there, they were staying well hidden.


Oh he's most definitely being watched, you should've told this to the others and gotten out of there as soon as you could...ahh...this is not going to end well for you buddy.

After one last look around, Zoltar continued after the others, despite the lingering feeling of unease.


Zoltar Noooooooooooooooooo.....

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Well...ahh..I continue to get chills as I read....the anticipation to see what might happen next is just too high at this point. But well...there was nice bit of foreshadowing there on those cliffs and then the bit there just as they're about to head into that jungle....just really nicely done there. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




felistia says...


Thank you so much for the review.

I just finished the next chapter along with half of the one after that. I won't say much, but I read it to my sisters and they hate me now. (sobs)





Yeah! (sniff)



KateHardy says...


Nuuuuuuuu (*sniffs*




I exist as I am, that is enough
— Walt Whitman