The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Chapter 11

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm back to leave another review

First Impression: Well..this was quite the chapter here...showcasing Zoltar's grief really well here as he has to try and move from having lost essentially every single person he cared about, and I think you do a pretty good job, also quite an ominous ending there, I suppose it will soon be time to visit the Ghost talons...

Anyway let's get right to it,

A cold dawn spread across the sky, straining to break the night’s dark grip on the land. A ghostly mist still hung over the beach, the icy tendrils grasping at the bordering forest. A lonely breeze drifted aimlessly through the tops of the trees as if lost, its melancholy moan touching the canopy.

Well...we have a very appropriately melancholy sounding start to this chapter...fits really nicely with the theme of what happened in the previous chapter.

It wasn’t until the edge of the sun surfaced from the ocean that the shadows cloaking the coast retreated back to the trees. The light slowly spread, chasing back the dark of the night and bringing warmth back to the land.

In the light of the new day a figure could be seen sitting on the shore, staring out at the swaying ocean waters. The early morning sun lit up his obsidian black scales, warming them as he sat hunched over, wings bowed, his tail curled tightly over his claws.

Hmm...well I'm loving this here introduction to the chapter, it really focuses on just how terrible Zoltar's situation is and the whole atmosphere around him is reflecting that terrible fate. Its a lovely contrast to the chapter of them flying over and the way this same area was described then with joy and hope.

What was he to do now? Everyone he loved and cared about were gone. It was hard enough having lost his brother and most of the tribe to the Mount Mokewtu, now Scorpus and Nira were gone too.

Well yeah, he has basically lost everything there is for him to loose.

Zoltar sighed, trailing his talons in the sand. Was it even worth going back? There’s wasn’t anything left in the Shadow Lands for him, only regret and memories of those now lost.

Maybe it would be better to let nature take its course. The Shadow Talons left were barely holding on by their claws as it was. They couldn’t hold out until they found another island. This one was their last hope. Maybe the tribe was doomed to die, to disappear into history like the Lighting Talons.

You might want to hold that thought on the lightning talons there...but well it certainly seems like nature appears to be completely against them at the moment.

It was only by some crazy turn of luck that the hundred or so Shadow Talons left hadn’t died in the eruption with the rest of their kin. Maybe that was how it was supposed to have happened. Maybe he and Nira were supposed to have fallen with the rest of the tribe on that fateful day.

Or maybe...it's cause they were meant to survive...think about that Zoltar....

Surely it would have been better than this? This endless void of despair and anguish he felt every day. If he’d died with his brother, he wouldn’t have to go through this.

Zoltar lifted his stiff neck, his eyes bloodshot as he stared at the island. It seemed so peaceful from here, the clouds of vapor swirling effortlessly over the pillars.

Well his sadness here is permeating the whole story really well now.

Growling, Zoltar got to his paws. He could fly back there. Take out one or two of the monsters before he succumbed to them. Then he could be with her again. He could be with all of them and the worries of this world would fall away forever.

That...is a terrible idea Zoltar, no one would want you to do that.

Steeling himself, he spread his wings. He was about to launch himself into the air when a breeze brushed gently over his wing tips. It carried a familiar scent, her scent. Zoltar took in a deep breathe, letting the air fill his lungs. Staring up longingly, he could see her in the clouds as they glided across the endless blue heavens. He could see her smiling in the sun’s golden rays as they touched his horns.

Sighing, he folded his wings. He couldn’t do this. She wouldn’t have wanted it.

Aww...well that's a nice touch, him finally realizing the only way is to try and move on and then live on behalf of the sacrifices everyone else made here.

She would have continued on if it had been him. They’d been trying to save their tribe for four years. He couldn’t stop now. Then her death would have been in vain. His tribe was depending on him. This island was perfect apart from the Wisp Talons. They had to find a way to make it work.

Taking a deep breathe, Zoltar leapt into the sky in the opposite direction of the island and towards the Moon Talon coast.

Now that's the way to go Zoltar, you can do this, its going to be a loong painful quest but I think you'll make it in the end, or I hope so cause I have no idea how this ultimately ends...xD

A few hours later Zoltar was soaring over the Moon Talon coast on his course home. It was hard to believe that less than a day earlier he’d been flying over this very village alongside Nira and Scorpus. It felt a world away from now.

Well...it definitely can feel like a world away when an event as monumental as that goes down.

The fragrant scent of cooking meat filled the air as thin columns of smoke rose from the mud houses below. In the streets adults’ ushered Moon Talon dragonets into their huts as early afternoon approached. As Zoltar’s shadow passed overhead, a few would look up and smile, waving a paw at him.

Well...that whole scene is going to be taken in a very different light now, isn't it...a tragedy like that really does show you quite how terrible a situation something like this can be.

Zoltar forced a smile onto his snout, but couldn’t bring himself to wave back.

How had this happened? Had they done something wrong to warrant the Wisp Talon’s attack?

Hmm...well...to be perfectly honest...I don't remember what they did to get attacked...oh gosh..well...I guess we'll find it out from Emerald soon enough...

They’d only been visiting the island. It wasn’t like they’d brought an invasion force or were taking prey. Most tribes would have given them a stern warning and asked them to leave their territory before resorting to violence.

That does seem like the civilized thing to do...but the things over on that island definitely seemed farr from civilized.

Not the Wisp Talons. They’d been actively trying to kill them and seemed to have enjoyed it.

Maybe they had done something wrong and that’s why Scorpus had been attacked…but if that was the case, surely the Wisp Talons would have stopped once they gotten into the air. They were fleeing. There was no reason to carry on pursuing them.

Yeah..the Wisp Talons definitely seem to be quite a nasty bunch as this moment, when we don't know exactly what's going on hidden inside that forest.

But they hadn’t. The Wisp Talons knew they were venomous. They’d deliberately poisoned Nira even while she was trying to leave their territory. It had been a calculated ambush and they would have killed him if they’d gotten the chance.

They were definitely trying to kill the lot of them there, no question about that.

It was so barbaric, almost predatory. Dragons’ hadn’t acted like that in centuries. Sure, they could be viscous towards one another, but that was after diplomacy didn’t work. Even Ice Talons, possibly the most dangerous tribe on the continent, would take you prisoner and interrogate you before resorting to violence.It was never kill first, ask questions later. It was unheard of in these times.

Yup....we definitely got to see how that particular tribe treated folks, and it was certainly not this barbaric by any means.

Zoltar sighed, licking a cut along his paw. He wished he could tend to his wings more as the scratches along them were beginning to throb in the heat of the sun. He’d have to wait until he got back to the Shadow Lands though. The last thing he needed right now was to stop along the Sea Talon border to lick his wounds. He could only imagine how that might go.

Well...at this point I can also only imagine how it would go...xD...we've yet to actually meet the Sea Talons despite their being so many novels..xD...we can't judge the whole tribe based on one dragon...but...well her reaction did indicate they would not welcome him at all.

Hissing irritably, he began to gain altitude. It was always best to be as high as possible before making the flight across the archipelago. That way, one could avoid most of the hateful stares and taunting from below.

Well...can't blame him for that.

His thoughts drifted back to what Hisster had said before. They’d always planned to get rid of the Wisp Talons if they were on the island. It wasn’t like two tribes could live together in one place. Such a thing had never happened in the history of Megalonia.

He hadn’t wanted to admit it to himself before, but he’d been hesitant at the idea of pushing out the local dragons. It hadn’t seemed right at the time.

Hmm...good to see that he was initially thinking that way, forcing your way onto someone else's territory no matter how much in need you are isn't exactly a good thing considering what they would be doing is essentially putting the Wisp Talons to the position they were in.

Now, however, he relished the idea of forcing the Wisp Talons off their land. It was a small island. There couldn’t be that many of them. With enough dragons, it shouldn’t take much to take over the island.

Zoltar growled happily at the thought. The nasty little creatures deserved it after what they’d done.

And of course his change of mind here makes a lot of sense.

The only issue was the Shadow Talons dwindling numbers. The tribe as it was wouldn’t stand a chance against the Wisp Talons, but that’s where Hisster came in. Zoltar assumed he must be thinking of getting outside help or an ally of some sort. Such a thing wasn’t unheard of. The Wind Talons had sought help from the Ice Talons about fourteen years ago after a particularly bad drought. Though it had cost a hefty price that they were still paying for even to this day. No one gave anything for free.

Well that last line is going to resonate quite strongly throughout this whole series xD....the helo they need for the elimination of the Wisp Talons definitely did not come anything close to cheap.

Still, Hisster must have something in mind, otherwise he wouldn’t have mentioned it before.

Snorting, Zoltar bared his teeth as he imagined sinking them into a Wisp Talon. Their tribe would fall and his tribe would have that island even if it was the last thing he did.

Well...ending on a note of revenge there....well...let's see where this leads us...

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall...this is yet another awesome chapter as always...ehh..not too much for me to really say down here at this point honestly, the emotions in this chapter are really well done here. Well...looking forward to the next chapter.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Hi felistia,

Mailice here with a short review!

This was a very refreshing yet tinged with sadness and pain chapter. I like how Zoltar gets over the grief a bit and even lapses towards revenge towards the end it seems to me?

Some minor things I noticed while reading:

A ghostly mist still hung over the beach, the icy tendrils grasping at the bordering forest.

I don't know directly whether this is a particular stylistic device of yours, but precisely because it's at the beginning and the reader starts with the reading, the missing "and" in the sentence already has an effect and one notices it. I had the impression that you wanted to start listing something here but forgot to continue it.

It carried a familiar scent, her scent.

Oh no, now it's getting to the point where his brain is starting to smell and see things that don't exist. I'd really like to cheer him up.

It was never kill first, ask questions later.

It's also quite hard to question someone after killing if you don't have a necormancer with you.

With enough dragons, it shouldn't take much to take over the island.
Zoltar happily grew at the thought. The nasty little creatures deserved it after what they'd done.

Zoltar please don't! Please don't seek revenge! Nira wouldn't want that!

The development of Zoltar's personality has reached a new peak. Even though I don't want Zoltar to start hatching some kind of plan now, looking for Hisster to conquer the island, I think it's a natural path for him to take after witnessing so much suffering. He was already holding back four years ago and now here he has lost the last one who was close to him.

I like the way you show this despair in him at the beginning and the listlessness in his life. He's probably not hungry or thirsty either and he's acting apathetic, which you showed later when he's flying over the Moon Talon village. You actually manage to evoke a psychological transformation in him.

I find it believable how you build up this transition and Zoltar changes. You could almost compare it to the five stages of grief, where at some point anger takes over. I'm really curious and interested to see how Zoltar will react to Hisster's plan. In the first half you show everything from his point of view and Nira is the centre of attention. During the second half, everything has shifted to the Wisp Talons. It's that kind of search for the culprit that you bring out here.
Maybe, and it's really just a maybe because I know it's difficult to portray just such complex emotions as pain, grief and hatred at certain points through thought processes, you could still try to rewrite some of the thoughts he has while flying as if they were just coming out of his mouth. However, I don't think that's necessary either, as I love that the chapter is completely devoid of direct speech/these thoughts. It would actually only help to show the reader a little more of Zoltar. You have really done a masterful job of showing this development.

As so often the sun appears on a morning, you come along with your introduction and enchant the reader. Your descriptions here are extremely fine, especially how you don't mention Zoltar by name until you've described his body. It gives the introduction a certain mysterious feel, as if Zoltar is not mentally present.

It's very hard for me to review something where I don't directly find anything that needs improvement. I don't think it's right to write a review for a few small mistakes either, so I always struggle to find something that perhaps needs to be developed a little further. And I don't think there was anything here that was directly wrong in my opinion.

You write on a high level and it is noticeable that you also make an effort. Of course, I may have missed some points that were wrong, but I think it will be difficult to find anything negative in this chapter in general.

One thing that is on my mind here is whether the eruption of Mount Mokewtu was a natural disaster, or perhaps planned by another tribe?

You have conjured up a very great swing of emotions with this chapter. It came across as believable how Zoltar has gained new hope from despair, which hopefully won't change him too much and turn him into an unfeeling monster.

Enjoy the writing!

Mailice.