z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Chapter 32

by felistia


Blue lightning sliced across the clear night sky, hissing and spitting like a nest of serpents. The two crescent moons ghostly figures loomed in the sky above while thousands of comets shot across the heavens. A cruel wind whipped through the forest’s craggy branches, the groans of the trees nearly drowning out Zoltar’s calls as he wondered through the undergrowth.

He shivered, tucking his wings in closer in a futile attempt to stay warm. Strange scents bit at his nose, musty and bitter. He was exhausted after running aimlessly for hours. He still couldn’t find a way out. He was lost.

Suddenly there was a brilliant flash of lightning and the howling wind vanished, leaving the forest deathly still.

Zoltar cringed. Not a sound disturbed the night air. It was silent, still as a ghosts whisper.

Shivering, he crept forward through the dark underbrush, careful to keep his wings close to his sides. His eyes darted wildly from shadow to shadow as they seemed to take on a life of their own, twisting and coiling like snakes about to strike. It was impossible to tell were the danger would come from, from where the Wisp Talons would leap.

The earth underpaw shifted as damp leaf litter gave way to sand. Finally, a break in the trees. He dashed out of the woods, relieved to finally be out of that seemingly never ending forest.

“Hello Zoltar,” a crooning voice echoed out over the desolate shore, “I’ve been waiting for you.”

Zoltar looked around wildly, but was only met by thick clouds of swirling vapors, their tendrils concealing the dragoness.

“Who are you?” he yelled, twisting around as the mist enveloped him in an icy veil.

“Oh Zoltar. You know who I am,” The dragoness growled, her voice laced with venom.

The dragoness flung out her wings, the mist parting to reveal the Wisp Talon.

“Emerald, what are you doing here?” Zoltar tried to move towards her, but his paws wouldn’t budge. What was going on?

“Poor Shadow Talon. You were foolish to trust me. Have you learnt nothing?” she laughed, baring her fangs in a cruel smile as her scales blazed a brilliant scarlet.

“You and your friends should never have come here,” she hissed as she stepped back into the mist, her scales seeming to melt into the deathly white aura as she disappeared.

Zoltar buckled, falling to the ground as a wave of wailing screams echoed out around him, filling his ears and mind. He clutched his head, desperate to stop the sound.

“How could you do this? How could you forget us?” A dragoness emerged from the mist, her once obsidian black scales laced with ugly crimson tendrils.

“No, Nira,” Zoltar cried, desperately reaching for her as she began to melt back into the night. “I haven’t forgotten you. I could never forget you.”

A dark figure loomed in front of him, his fangs dripping crimson blood as his silver wings blocked out the light, “Its full moon Zoltar.”

“No, no, no,” Zoltar roared, spiking pain shooting though his chest, “You can’t do this. You can’t take them too.”

“How could you betray us?” Felistia and Shiraku’s blood soaked bodies appeared before him, their wings ripped to shreds. “We trusted you.”

Black flashed before his vision as the world around him began to collapse. A thundering roar filled his ears as the ground gave way and he began to fall, his mouth agape in a soundless scream.

“No!” Zoltar leapt up, his heart thundering in his chest as he thrust out his claws to catch a grip of something solid. His talons met the hard rock floor as he looked around frantically.

Slowly it began to sink in. It had only been a dream. He took a few shaky breathes as he tried to calm his trembling. It wasn’t real…yet.

Sucking in another deep breath, Zoltar got to his paws. He quietly padded over to the cave entrance and sat down. He stared out over the gloomy forest, not a whisper of wind disturbing the silence hanging over the trees. What was he going to do?

He was in an impossible situation. He had to get the Wisp Talon gem, but how could he do it without trading Felistia’s and Shiraku’s lives for it? They were all he had right now. Sure, Shiraku wasn’t exactly a ray of sunshine, but she wasn’t terrible. Felistia on the other paw was warm and caring.

He blinked away the tears threatening to spring forth as he stared out over the still forest. In the distance a nightingale called out, its sharp notes cutting through the cold night air.

He couldn’t let Sidious use them, but how could he stop him? Sidious would only leave them be if he somehow managed to get the gem on his own.

How could he do that? It must be in the Wisp Talon village somewhere, but he didn’t know where it was and the place must be swarming with Wisp Talons. How could he sneak in without being caught, let alone manage to steal the gem?

He hissed quietly in frustration. If only Nira were here. She’d probably have an idea.

“Hey,” a quiet voice whispered.

Zoltar flinched as he turned to see Felistia waling over to him, her golden eyes soft in the pale moonlight.

“Did you have a nightmare? I heard you yell,” she continued, sitting down beside him. She brushed him with one of her silver wings, the icy scales a stark contrast to her comforting voice.

Zoltar lowered his eyes, not sure how much he should tell her. His heart ached for someone to talk to, to share his fears and concerns with, but how much should he tell her. She couldn’t know about Sidious or Emerald.

She did already know about Scorpus though… well, at least a little bit. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to tell her about Nira. He had to talk to someone. Keeping all this locked up inside was slowly killing him.

‘No, you can’t trust them’ Zoltar’s mind screamed, ‘She’s an outlaw and an Ice Talon. What does she care if you had a little nightmare?’

He turned away from her, “It’s nothing. It was just a bad dream.”

Felistia stared at him for a moment, before whispering, “I have nightmares about my home too.”

She gazed out through the vines, the moonlight illuminating her ice blue scales as she seemed to look into the past.

“It’s not good to bury these things you know. They’ll catch up on you eventually,” she laid a paw on his shoulder comfortingly, “You don’t have to tell me, just…don’t let it turn you into something you’re not.”

Zoltar stared out at the night, Felistia’s words echoing in his ears as she returned to the back of the cave. She was right. This wasn’t who he was. He’d turned into a scared, withdrawn shadow of himself and it was only getting worse as time went on.

He couldn’t keep going like this. The mistrust and fear had to go.

Steeling himself, he turned around, “Hey…Felistia?”

“Yah,” she glanced over her wing.

“Umm,” Zoltar looked down at the floor as he rubbed his talons awkwardly, “Do you think… I could come hunting with you guys tomorrow?”

Felistia smiled warmly, “Sure. We’d love for you to come.”


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49 Reviews


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Reviews: 49

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Wed Jun 01, 2022 1:50 pm
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Otterpop wrote a review...



Heya felistia! Otterpop here with a quick review! I noticed this has been in the Green Room for a while and thought I might push it out of there! Now I have not read previous parts/chapters of this but I am still hoping to provide some valuable feedback.

I am definitely a detail-oriented individual and I was immediately loving the detail that I was seeing from describing Zoltar's senses to the scenery around him. It's an aspect that really pulls me in which is great for a first-time reader, and probably extremely helpful for readers already familiar with this. And the italics immediately gave me the impression that what Zoltar was experiencing was probably a vivid dream or nightmare and that was definitely the case.

I personally am not a dreamer; I never even remember my dreams, not even feelings really. But I know enough and given how detailed / vivid it is the protagonist I am willing to bet that (a) there is some kind of foreshadowing or flashbacking happening here, (b) the protagonist has some emotional experiences or baggage based on how he reacts during this dream sequence, or (c) some combination of both. If any of these are true at all, the point is definitely coming across. But, I could be reading too much into it, that's very possible.

Something interesting I did notice was the sheer number of names and nouns mentioned. And yet, despite having not read any previous bits at all, I did not feel overwhelmed because there was either enough dialogue or exposition to get the point across to briefly explaining the characters that needed it for this particular chapter at least. And that's a good thing!

I think my only complaint was that it felt just a little short to me. The dream sequence and the interaction between Zoltar and Felistia portrayed what it needed to, but if there was more to it that certainly would not be a bad thing. I couldn't say exactly what (and I apologize for that), but more substance would be something to think about.

That said this chapter was very nice all it's own and it was a pleasure to read even if I started basically in the middle of the story with no prior knowledge. Keep writing and enjoy the rest of your day!




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Fri Feb 04, 2022 10:01 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi felistia,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

It has been a while since the last chapter appeared. I'm not quite into the story anymore, but I'm trying to read my way back into it, so this review is a bit shorter than usual.

Overall Story in this chapter

In terms of construction, it turned out well. I especially like the fact that the italic in the text makes you think that this is a nightmare. I think it's good that as a reader you already get into a kind of caution, where you think to yourself that something is strange about the situation.

I found the second half a good ending. It did feel a bit quicker written, but I think you can understand that as Zoltar has just woken up and still needs to get his bearings. That's why I'm a bit mixed with the thoughts here, because shortly after waking up you do a good job of describing how Zoltar feels, but maybe you could have added something in there about how everything replaces itself from haziness to pure outline to suggest that he's coming out of the dream from the head as well.

So overall a good chapter with a nice break from all the tragedies and lies we have.

Characters


Since the chapter here is more about this nightmare, I had to turn back to the previous chapter for a moment and see that Zoltar has experienced a lot, from all the sad memories and moments. That's why I think it's good that we have this point where he himself is plagued in his subconscious with fear and the lack of a place of refuge. I think it is also as a defensive reaction, through his lies, that it has come to this point.

I liked very much here that he didn't try to get help, but now, like a petulant child, wants to be alone for now. I think that's appropriate for him at the moment, because he's in a phase of change, or at least trying to change a little.

In general, I liked the chapter. I'll try to skim through the previous chapters a bit before I get to 33.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




felistia says...


Thank you so much for the review. Sorry it's been such a long wait. I got into a real funk with the story and couldn't write for a while.




An existential crisis a day keeps the writer's block away <3
— LadyBug