Published April 17, 2021
Artwork by @FlamingPhoenix
Zoltar rushed home towards the Shadow Lands, the wind from his wings churning the ocean as he soared low over the dark waters.
His heart raced like a million fluttering wings. Maybe this was the one. Maybe they’d finally be able to get away from this hell on earth. The island looked so green, perfect for prey animals. It was almost the same as the Shadow Lands had once been. Surely, after all this searching, this could be the one?
He couldn’t wait to tell Nira. She’d be so happy.
Just up ahead was the beach, it’s now dirty grey sand tainted from the clouds of ash that filled the sky. A towering cliff face bowed over the shore, its rim speckled with sickly pine trees that seemed to cling to life despite everything. Etched into the rock face were numerous caves where the remaining Shadow Talons resided.
In the distance, a few miles away, loomed Mount Mokewtu, its peak a blazing fury of scarlet and gold fire. Black clouds of chest burning ash spewed from the volcano’s gaping mouth. The volcano rumbled and belched out continual streams of molten rock. The rivers of glowing crimson lava twisted over the bleak landscape like snakes on their way to the sea.
The foul smell of ash and sulfur clouded the scorching air, raking Zoltar's chest with toxic claws, causing him to cough and gasp. They couldn’t last much longer in this desolate waste land. Food was growing scarcer by the day. Before long they’d have to start raiding other tribes’ territories for food. They couldn’t risk that. The last few years had greatly weakened them. If they were caught stealing prey, they wouldn’t stand a chance against a healthy tribe.
Landing on the cliff side, Zoltar looked around. There was not another Shadow Talon in sight as the evening's grip tightened over the desolate plain.
It was never a good idea to stay out after sundown, despite the need to spend almost every waking moment looking for food.
Bands of ravenous Shyfu leviathans hunted by the light of the lava flows and would take down anything they could find; big or small.
Off in the distance, he could see a pair slithering out of the molten rock, their long serpent like figures covered in a fresh coat of glowing orange lava. Their mottled black scales matched the chunks of cooled lava strewn across the landscape as they slid along old lava flows.
Zoltar growled quietly. The beasts had skulked out of the volcano soon after the eruption, laying waste to the wildlife left from the explosion.
As if sensing his stare, the Shyfu turned their gaze and fixed on him with their pitch black eyes, hissing in their shrill voices. Within seconds, more black fins could be seen trailing through the lava as more of the creatures were summoned by the call.
Shivering, Zoltar stepped off the cliff edge and floated down onto the beach below.
One Shyfu would be a large meal for a dragon, but killing one was dangerous enough. A whole pack could take him down. It wasn’t worth the risk.
Taking one last look around to make sure that nothing was following him inside, he ducked into one of the caves. Glowing fire rocks lit up the tunnel, their red light flickering in the murky darkness. Stale air clouded the passages and it was unpleasantly warm.
The branch he was in connected to many other passageways that snaked off into the darkness, creating a huge underground warren. Despite the number of rooms though, all was quiet in the corridor apart from the clacking of his claws on the hard floor.
Practically all the tunnels and rooms Zoltar passed were empty, their inhabitants having fallen victim to the volcano. The air was hauntingly still like the souls of those who were lost were still wandering the tunnels as silent ghosts.
Very few Shadow Talons had survived the eruption, less than two hundred souls and the last four years had not been kind to them. Half the eggs never hatched and the dragonets that did manage to make it out soon died from the hostile living conditions. Even the adult dragons struggled under the constant hunger and toxic air conditions.
Slowly, but surely their numbers were dropping. If things didn’t change soon, they’d…
Zoltar sighed and shook out his wings. He couldn’t stand being down here. The brutality of his tribe’s situation, the memories of the past and those he’d lost… it was all too vivid. It was one of the reasons he’d become one of the Land Scouts. It was a dangerous job, but it was better that this. Living and sleep in these suffocating tunnels, reminded constantly of the hopelessness he faced …it was almost like he’d already joined the dead.
He gritted his teeth. He had to stay focused on the present and ones still with him. There was still some hope left. After all these months of searching, this was the first promising piece of land. It suited their tribe perfectly and from the looks of it, there didn’t seem to be anything left of the Wisp Talons. The island looked wild and ready for the taking.
He passed another cavern, but unlike the others, this one had a Shadow Talon inside. She was curled up around a pile of mouse fur and clumps of fresh dirt. There was a single black egg nestled in the nest. It seemed almost ready to hatch judging from the thin orange cracks beginning to form along the surface.
Zoltar realized with a stab of worry that she was alone. Hisster had made it law that all Shadow Talons had to be underground be nightfall. If there was no father around now, it meant that he was no longer with her. Many things could have taken him out, a hunt gone wrong, disease or sickness, a misguided step along an old lava flow. It could have been anything.
The dragoness guarding the nest was in a sorry state herself and was heavily emaciated. Zoltar felt a wave of guilt pass over him. Due to his role as a Land Scout, he had better access to consistent food since he was outside of the Shadow Lands more than half the time. Part of his job was to bring back as much food as he could, but it was never enough to support the dragons left behind.
Reaching into the pouch around his neck he brought out one of the fruits he’d gathered. He was supposed to give it to Hisster so that it could be distributed evenly amongst the tribe, but the dragonet and the mother need the food desperately. One missing fruit wouldn’t hurt.
Taking a quick look around to make sure no one was watching, he gently placed the bright green melon beside the egg. There was no need to wake the sleeping dragoness. She’d find it when she woke.
He looked back at the egg by its mother’s side. There was little chance of the dragonet inside surviving with its mother in such poor condition. It had become a sad, but familiar sight since the eruption.
Sighing, Zoltar moved on.
Before long he reached the heart of the warren were Hisster resided. Despite the fact that this was supposed to be the throne room, no guards stood outside. There just weren’t enough dragons for that.
The walls of the throne room were lit with many scarlet fire stones, causing it to be much brighter than the tunnels outside. Inside, Hisster stood hunched over a large flat boulder, a scroll spread out over the uneven surface. His violet, curved horns glinted like polished glass and his poisonous barbed tail rested like a waiting snake beside him.
His ears twitched as Zoltar walked into the room, but he didn’t look up.
Zoltar spread his wings and dipped his head in respect, “Chief, I bring news of the Misty Mountain Island.”
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139,389 Literary Works • 672,542 Reviews
Hi felistia,
Mailice back here with a short review!
Let's start:
This kind of hope and anticipation is the most beautiful one can have. I like the way you describe Zoltar's feelings without naming them directly.
You do describe a bit later what they look like, but since they are only introduced here, you could have given them a better introduction. Since I don't know how that could work here in the chapter, you might have to do it beforehand to at least have an idea of what the Shyfu are.
Because I assume that the Shadow Talons know what they are, and they could have been included somehow in the chapter where Zoltar talks to his brother. There could have been a conversation in there somewhere, in the background, where they talk about these Shyfu. That would also be good foreshadowing, if you could include it in a kind of "teaching story" for the children, to scare them, to keep them from being out alone at night.
That's good that you don't finish it, to give the reader that effect of thinking about it for themselves.
Here I don't really understand why she is alone. If the Shadow Talons are already so few, shouldn't they stick together? Or maybe the father passed away recently and that's why she's alone? I have the feeling that the reader lacks some background knowledge about the new rules that have been decided in the last four years.
It's good that he hasn't lost any of his old character over the years and still shows empathy.
I like how this chapter is again different from the previous ones in that it is almost dialogue-free. I like how you try to portray in your own tone the helplessness and after effects of the disaster. Coupled with your always wonderful descriptions and details you present to the reader, I find you have managed to take the once wonderful atmosphere you presented at the beginning and leave an even deeper cut here. It's as if you want to add a little more salt to the wound so that the reader is on the verge of despair.
What I found a bit confusing at the beginning was the way the story is told in the chapter. At the beginning I thought it was a memory of Zoltar from before or an event that takes place only a few time after the disaster happened. Since it only becomes apparent in the course of the text that some years have passed, it already has a very dramatic and emotional effect on the reader when you realise that he probably did the same thing every day. I might have mentioned it somewhere earlier, if only in a train of thought of Zoltar.
Otherwise, I enjoyed the chapter. Everything you have built up so far has gone to ruin and yet there is a new spark of hope. I like that you took so much trouble to present everything like this first.
Enjoy the writing!
Mailice.
Thank you so much for your reviews. They were a delight to read. I'll have to go back over them when I come around to editing these chapters as you have some good points.
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm baaaack....you probably know who I am by now...and I am back to review yet another part of this wonderful ahh....this story has becoming quite a part of my time on YWS now...its gotta be 50 reviews on this and its sequels by now....xD. Well...without further ado...
First Impression: Well...this is a terrible situation...gosh I've forgotten just how bad the state they were in was...and ahh...the terrible island has been found...well....I guess reading that next chapter is going to be...yeah...I don't think I have to even say it.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Very green island...is this the Wips Talon territory...surely not...well...I guess we shall find out....this is probably not anywhere near the time skip is it....ahhh...its been a while since I read this and all I can think of is Nira's impending doom....I should probably get over that paranoia at some point or that will just be my entire review eventually.
Okay....lovely bit of description as always...oh..the number of times I've said this....I should probably just add this to my review template at this point.
Oh well...the ol' problem right there...although I have to wonder....is there literally no like...nice tribe nearby that's gonnna be like....look...they got severely beaten down...maybe let's go help...like not even a tribe that's maybe gonna later take advantage of the debt that's gonna put them in......just thoughts I'm having....I guess all these tribes just like to keep to themselves even if they're friendly and heyy...it keeps the peace so I'm not complaining.
Not that that exactly worked out for the wind talonsAhh...I almost forget about these little guys...or I guess...not so little guys...but ehh...they are just as cool as I remember them to be and just as terrifying for poor Zoltar. On the other hand, a couple of those are nothing compared to the things he goes through eventually.
Oh they are most definitely very much distasteful...
Good move there Zoltar, good move...
Hmm...well that's a lovely way to create that sense of loneliness...a ton of space but everything just being completely empty...oh dear...
Well...there we go...the timeskip has happened, my earlier predictions here are proving to be correct here. Uh oh....here we goo...this is about to get sa...I must not mention this...I must not talk about this.
Well that's definitely very fair...no one would want to live in there full time, that much is very very clear from all of that. We're really nailing home just how oppressive that area must feel and that's definitely a good thing there to really nail in there.
Oh arrrrrrhghhhh....its Wisp Talon...the island of many wonderful friendships and the incident that must not be named....oh god...*steels himself*...let's do this...let's do this.
Well that's a perfect little depiction of just how terrible the situation of the tribe is, now isn't it?
Oh well...not much you could really do here.
Well that one's clearly very much an occupational hazard, not too much you could really do about that.
Well that's nice of him, some early signs of that caring nature of his which is gonna get him in trouble sooner rather later down the line.
Oh well...terrible things do happen sometimes...gosh I'd forgotten just how bad their situation was here at the start of the book. And as always these descriptions are doing a wonderful job of conveying that.
Well...I mean...not like they have too many attackers headed that way either...or I hope not...cause that would very much suck quite badly.
Well....here begins the chain of events that must not be named...also pretty cool description on the chief there.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Well...a lovely chapter as always. Doesn't look like all that much has changed here. Aaand well its as good as I remember. I'm just now anticipating the next chapter far too much now...but ehh...I will definitely get around to it soon....
and let Flames know I'll get to her story right after this....I thought I would do it a story at a timeAs always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thank you so much for the review.
Not much has changed, but I have added in a lot to build up the sense of hopelessness the tribe is facing. I didn't think that I emphasized that enough in the previous draft. This chapter and the next were one chapter before. I'm looking forward to what you think of Hisster.
Hello felistia!
First off, in all the chapters I've read so far, your description is amazing! You consistently bring in details about the environment that help the reader connect and visualize the story, and the imagery is so vivid I can picture myself there.
Since this is the first time you are introducing these creatures I could use a little more information about them. Generally I think huge when I hear the word "leviathan", but you said they would be a large meal for a dragon. I'm still not sure exactly how large these dragons are, but I assume they are at least fifteen to twenty feet tall, which means the leviathans are probably smaller than that if they can be a meal for a single dragon. I kind of imagined them as some type of big salamander, and that might fit better.I haven't reviewed any of your works yet so I thought I'd stop by
There's just a few points that I think can be improved, so this will be a short review.
This was a really good paragraph to link the last two chapters' events to this chapter. Usually a jump of four years is a bit much for me, but you did a great job explaining the mental and physical stresses that the Shadow Talons have had to deal with. Also "it was almost like he’d already joined the dead" is a really powerful line to end on!
A bit of a nitpick but I'm still a little lost as to why all the dragons are separated. There's not much background information on that, and so far I see no reason why the tribes don't like each other.
Overall, this is a really solid chapter and doesn't feel like an info dump at all, even though I can tell you introduced a lot of information to us. One thing I would have liked to see earlier is a connection between the prologue and the things happening now, just because it's still fresh in my mind. I haven't read the next chapter yet, but I'm wondering if the island from the prologue is the same one Zoltar just found...and if so, how were all the dragons previously there massacred? Also, is the Sea Talon from the last chapter going to come back to the story? I can't wait to read the next chapters
Happy Writing!
Thank you so much for the review. You have some really good points. The prologue definitely will be revisited a bit later in the story.
I like the hopelessness you installed into this text. It doesn't have the same details of the first couple of chapters, but it does have the same feeling invoking. You are a master of capturing emotion, and I really like that. The reliability is something I continue to come back to. Your text above all else is relatable. It doesn't matter that they are dragons they have feelings just like us, that's the vibe I get from this story. The candidness of their situation and the pity Zoltar has for his fellow tribe members is heartwarming. Again keep up the good work. Until next time!