Published July 17, 2021
The late afternoon light danced over the ocean as the two dragons flew overhead. Just on the horizon was the Island, its mist cloaked borders causing it to warp and distort like a mirage as it shifted in and out of focus.
A few miles out from it was the small desert island Zoltar remembered all too vividly. He kept his eyes firmly trained on the towering pillars ahead as he and Sidious passed over it.
He couldn’t allow the emotions out. They had to stay hidden away, locked in the box that was his heart. He couldn’t let them interfere with his mission. He couldn’t let Sidious know about what he’d lost. It was going to be hard enough without his emotions getting in the way.
Steeling himself for what was to come, Zoltar looked over at Sidious. The Ghost Talon was showing no sign of lowering his altitude. It looked like he planned to fly over the maze.
Zoltar flattened his ears. Although flying over was the quickest way to the island, it left them wide open to watching eyes from below. For all he knew, that was how the Wisp Talons had found them last time. He wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice.
“Sidious,” Zoltar said, in his best stubborn voice “I think we should go through the maze. We’ll be less visible that way.”
Sidious regarded him for a moment as if searching out some hidden information.
Zoltar stared back at him, a determined look on his snout, though inside his heart was hammering painfully against his chest.
Finally Sidious nodded.
“Very well. I will fly low over the pillars. My silver scales will blend in with the low mist cover. You are right to travel through the maze though. No amount of mist is going to hide that,” he hissed, gesturing at Zoltar, “We’ll meet on the beach.”
Zoltar nodded and tilted his wings as he dipped in a steep arch downwards. He stopped and hovered a few wings lengths above the water. Glancing up, he could just make out the long shape of Sidious’s tail as he disappeared over the columns ahead.
He let out a long breath. Although it wouldn’t last long, it was a relief to be alone.
The roar of ocean waves smacking against the pillars drowned out the sound of his wing flaps as he neared the maze.
Misty tendrils reached out from the hazy pillars, as if beckoning him to enter.As he flew into the fog, it seemed to curl in and around him like a living creature, leaving scatterings of ice cold droplets over his obsidian black scales. The thunder of the waves from before had faded into gentle gurgle as they lapped against the sea weed cloaked columns.
Eerie screeches echoed through the mist, but Zoltar found it impossible to pinpoint where the cries were coming from as they bounced and warped through the maze.
Zoltar shook himself, the droplets that had collected on his scales showering in all directions. The howls were probably nothing. Just some creatures calling out somewhere in the maze.
Just then, there was a splash below him, breaking the ghostly calm hanging in the air.
He faltered slightly as he look down, but all he could see were the ripples. Dropping a little lower, he peered into the murky, black water. He flinched as the large, dark shadow of a slender sea creature passed underneath him, its tail made small eddies in the water as it passed by.
Suddenly, it lunged out of the water towards him, its gaping jaws lined with wickedly sharp teeth. He veered violently, his wings tips brushing the water as he swerved upwards. The creature landed with a loud splash back into the water, showering him with a wave of spray.
Trembling, he hovered a safe distance above the water. Well, that was the last time he went anywhere near the water.
Fumbling his bag anxiously, he continued. Best to get out of here and onto the beach as soon as possible. Who knew what else inhabited these parts.
Keeping a sharp eye out from anything that may be hiding amongst the pillars, he allowed his thoughts to drift.
What was going to happen once he reached the beach? Besides the obvious suicide mission he was about to undertake, there was the matter of surviving the island long enough for him to attempt stealing the Wisp Talon Opal.
He and Sidious had to find shelter before nightfall, which was almost upon them. Ghost Talon or not, Sidious would stand no chance against the invisible, venomous Wisp Talons and he was the one with immunity to venom.
If they were caught out in the open, Zoltar knew he’d have a better chance trying to tickle the sea monster he just saw than survive the Wisp Talons again. It was pure luck he’d made it out the first time around.
Zoltar lowered his eyes, guilt overwhelming him.
That’s when he noticed that the calls had gone quiet. Apart from the murmur of the waves below, the maze was silent.
Zoltar turned in a circle, a cold sense of dread fluttering over him. Something was wrong.
A flash of movement off to his side caught his eye and he spun around just in time to lock talons with a crimson eyed reptile. Shrieking, Zoltar threw the creature off of him, its jaws snapping closed on thin air as it was sent spiraling downwards.
Flinging out its oily black wings, it caught its self before it crashed into the ocean below. It hovered, staring Zoltar down with its cold red eyes before tipping back its head to screech a crackling call that ripped through the still air.
A chill raced down Zoltar’s spine as the roar echoed around him. He swung around wildly. There must be others, waiting to pounce from the columns.
The reptile below let out an excited chatter and Zoltar twisted to the left, barely avoiding another of the creatures as it lunged at him. He felt a sting as its razor sharp claws glanced against his shoulder, leaving a bleeding gash across the scales.
More of the creatures howled from the mist, the hammer of their wings beating the air filling Zoltar’s ears as he dove. The wind tugged at his wings as he plummeted towards the ocean.
He had to pick up speed. This was his only chance of out flying them.
Whipping out his wings, he swooped low over the water. There was not time to worry about what might be lurking below the surface. He had to reach the beach and Sidious. Surely the sight of two dragons would be enough to fend off the pack.
He raced through the maze, dipping and diving, veering and swerving through the pillars. He could hear the creatures panting around him, their rabid screams filled the air as the black shapes darted through the haze. They were trying to cut off him off.
At last the rocky beach appeared in front of him. He catapulted onto the sand and pebbles, gasping for breath. More of the creatures had emerged from the hazy forest and were stalking along its banks, watching him with their glowing scarlet eyes. The yapping and baying behind him had increased as the pack chasing him sprang from the maze.
Zoltar looked around frantically for Sidious, but the Ghost Talon was nowhere to be seen. He was alone and surrounded.
He bared his teeth and flared his wings as he glared at his attackers
The creatures circled him like sharks, eyeing his arched tail and gleaming fangs. Slowly the circle tightened as they edged closer.
Zoltar gave a low threatening growl as he exhaled a cloud of black. He was going to have to fight. There was no chance of flying out of this. The only way was up and they’d be on him before he cleared the trees.
He felt the heat grow inside his throat as he readied a fire ball. With a roar of fury, he charged the snarling creatures, blasting the closest ones with a rain of fire.
Screeching in defiance, the whole pack surged in on him, racking the air with their fish hook claws.
Lashing his poisonous barb, Zoltar let loose another stream of fire. He had to keep them off his back. If he could do that, he’d have a chance of fighting his way out of this.
Black winged reptiles were flying in at him from all directions, their jaws agape as they tried to latch onto his throat and throw him to the ground.
Swinging around, he thwacked another one with his tail, sending the yelping lizard flying back into the ocean. He batted another out the way with his wing, hurling it across the sand. But they kept on coming, scratching and biting at his paws and belly.
Suddenly, Zoltar felt a sharp sting as one of the creatures dug its claws into his side. There was another stab of pain through his scales as another catapulted onto his back, throwing him off balance. He roared in panic as he toppled onto the sand, hitting it with such force that it knocked the wind and fire from him.
Immediately the reptiles swarmed over him, nipping and biting as they held him down. Fear clenched Zoltar’s heart as the alpha sprang forward. Its cold gaze pierced his as it opened its jaws, the serrated fangs gleaming in the dim light.
Time seemed to stand still as Zoltar shut his eyes, waiting for the blow.
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139,448 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm baaack for another review!!
First Impression: Okay...well, this was one of the more exciting chapters, we get to see some gold ol' action after a while...and a lovely little cliffhanger, which is pretty effective
for first time readers
but ahh, this was a really fun chapter to read.Anyway let's get right to it,
Definitely not an island that anyone would ever want to remember...ahhh...nice little reference there at any rate, just to remind us, cause the actual incident did happen quite a few chapters ago when we finally circle back here.
Well that's interesting to see how that's going to go, if I remember correctly through the maze is the go to path for safety and this is going to cause a little bit of a disagreement so...its going to be interesting to see if Zoltar is going to actually try and tell Sidious this is a bad idea.
Ooohh...this is good...he is actually going to voice his opinion, this should be interesting to see how Sidious actually processes that information, is he going to actually make a tactical and logical decision or is he just going to automatically dismiss Zoltar...you're hitting on the points of the relationship they'll share quite early into the journey here and I'm loving it.
Well, that is definitely a good sign going forward...if Sidious actually listens to Zoltar's opinion there's a much better chance of this journey being an actual success than if Sidious just assumes he's the only whose right.
Hmm, that does seem to make sense, and also highlights the differences in the dragons which is a fun little bonus point that we get from the whole situation.
Well, hmm, Zoltar getting a moment to himself is nice to see...you can tell that Zoltar is pretty uncomfortable having to go on this mission with Sidious, it definitely makes things a bit more interesting here.
I'm quite sure there were some scary and creepy things that hid inside this maze from the last time I read this particular journey so well, Zoltar you better be on your guard here, cause something's going to be jumping up and attacking you in the not too distant future and it is going to hurt....significantly.
Woohoo...my memory is not faulty...but also oh my gosh, Zoltar get out of there before you end up...well...severely injured, those things are not easy to fight if I remember correctly from what happened earlier.
Okay...that was a lot less intense than I was expecting that to be...maybe I remembered these things are more deadly than they actually were...but that was a nice little scene of a creature jumping up out of nowhere and Zoltar having to get out of the way quickly.
Hmm, keeping an eye out in general is a great idea when it comes to that particular island, there are sooo many more dragon species on there than you might at first assume.
Well, that's going to be quite different this time I assume cause these folks will have to get right up close and personal to the actual Wisp Talon village this time unless Emerald in this story somehow happens to have stolen one of those for some reason...
Well, the Wisp Talons do have a serious advantage in numbers which means even with Sidious probably being much bigger than them, he's gonna get overwhelmed quite fast...well, this is a great opportunity to run into a certain cave but I get the feeling that one is too well hidden for these folks to run into that one straightaway.
Ohh, everything around them going quiet is always a terrible thing to happen.
Zoltar turned in a circle, a cold sense of dread fluttering over him. Something was wrong.
Aha..these are the things that actually give a proper fight that has Zoltar needing to fight them all in a desperate attempt to get away..hmm, maybe I remembered things correctly after all.
Ouch, that's going to leave a few marks there...well, things are certainly getting quite heated in this area.
Ehh...hopefully, with the second dragon being a Ghost Talon if it doesn't scare the reptiles it should at least confuse them as to why these two particular types of dragons work together...although now that I think about ghosts do love the shadows...
Oh dear here we go, time for Zoltar to have to fight for his life once more...you've done a pretty good job so far just setting everything up for the fight to come, nice little bit of tension slowly being built and now its time for it all to get released and for the fight to begin...and potential for Felistia to appear to rescue them...I have no idea if I'm remembering things correctly.
AHh, looks like its going to be only Zoltar, either Sidious is slower than Zoltar, or flying above the maze takes longer or he just doesn't care enough to land and actually help Zoltar.
Woohoo...here comes the fire...and the fight has properly begun now, this should be quite entertaining going forward here.
Hmm, Zoltar definitely employing some smart tactics there, packs of smaller animals trying to take down larger prey always try the get on the back and get them falling to the ground strategy so Zoltar knowing that he has to foil that type of plan is quite fun to see here.
Well he's starting to get overwhelmed a bit here...oh dear.
Well either a blast of ice is going to knock that dragon sideways or whatever Ghost Talons shoot out cause I have regrettably forgotten. At any rate...ahh...lovely cliffhanger...and now I can't wait to see if we get to meet our other friends in that next one...
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, I love the subtle developments slowly happening in the relationship between Sidious and Zoltar, I mean, I still am not a fan of Sidious and neither is Zoltar by the looks of things, but Sidious isn't being as horrible as I was expecting him to be so perhaps he's not all bad at all, at least when it comes to things concerning safety. Aaand well, that was a really neat little fight sequence towards the end, I can't wait to see the ending to said fight.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thank you so much for the review.
I did change up the maze chase a bit since the last time as that creature that jumped out of the water was the original attacker. This time though I've changed it to the Death Grippers. I thought it would be nice to tie them in early before we hear about them from Emerald.
Spoiler
I can't wait to publish the next chapter. I'm in the middle of writing it right now and I'm so excited about it.
Hi felistia,
Mailice here with a short review!
The way the chapter developed was very unexpected. There was this one point in the story that I didn't foresee; the separation of Sidious and Zoltar. I found it a very interesting but also a terrible decision (on the part of both Talons). Now I am not only worried about Zoltar but also Sidious.
I liked the chapter. I liked how Zoltar continues to feel somewhat inferior to Sidious and the way you portrayed it, it came across right. I liked the brief descriptions of how he felt when he approached him about his proposal and how Sidious didn't really care about Zoltar's life when he more or less accepted the proposal.
This spin-off turned out well, and liked how you then focused more on Zoltar and his fear that something might happen again from back then. As it developed towards the end, I was really convinced that Zoltar is about to die and also thought that this is probably the end, but I hope there will be a resolution that doesn't seem too plotarmy.
Again, I liked that you always take the trouble to perpetuate three facets in your story; the inner world (of Zoltar), your beautiful descriptions of the surroundings, and the surroundings themselves. From this you can always imagine enough to make the world come alive, and despite all the beauty, see the torment and danger. I think that really stands out here in this chapter.
Other points that could have caught my eye:
Ah, another of those beautiful introductions to the chapter. To imagine it figuratively is like the end of a series, rather than the beginning of a disaster.
Again, a beautiful description you've used here.
I don't remember here so directly how much Sidious even knows about what went on with Zoltar, but I think you're clearly talking about Nira here. I would perhaps explain this a bit more here.
Just a quick note here, there's a space missing between the two sentences.
Your short scenes of tension and build-up were quite good. Towards the end, I found it a very relentless performance, which I liked. Here, however, this short "fight scene" lost something because you repeated yourself quite often and also your sentences here were partly too long to build up the necessary tension. I felt it was more of a retelling than just being there. I think if you restructure it a bit, you can already present a much better effect here.
I think the not has one too many t's here.
Do you really have to stop here?
It was a great chapter with a well structured set up for the ending where I am very excited to see how the upcoming chapter will deal with this ending.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Thank you so much for the review.