Published September 9, 2021
Wisp Talon by @FlamingPhoenix
Cold moonlight bathed the land in a silvery glow as the two moons rose to take their place amongst the stars. The drum of many wings beating the air filled the night as the Wisp Talons neared the beach. Ghostly wails echoed through the maze as dozens of Death Grippers slunk from the mist, their spines rattling in anticipation.
Zoltar crouched in the back of the cave alongside Felistia and Shiraku, listening to the awful cries. He could barely see anything through the thick curtain of sea weed hanging over the opening. Only a few blades of moon light managed to pierce through the covering.
Finally, curiosity and anxiety got the better of him and he approached the entrance, despite Felistia shaking her head at him.
“Don’t do it,’ she warned, “You won’t be able to get the images out of your head.”
Zoltar ignored her. He had to see what was going on. He couldn’t just sit here, listening to the blood curdling howls. His imagination was driving him crazy. He’d just snatch a peak.
Peering through the strands, Zoltar could just make out the beach a few dragon lengths away. The coast was cloaked in a thick veil of mist, the moons light doing nothing to cut through the gloom. The air was heavy with the thud of dragons landing and yet, Zoltar couldn’t make out any movement from the forest or the maze. All was still, like the calm before the storm. He knew the Death Grippers must be out there, watching, waiting for the feast to begin.
Finally, after a few heart pounding moments, he saw a Wisp Talon materialize from the trees a few pillars down. The dragon’s scales were flushed crimson and fire orange as it stepped out onto the sand. It was soon followed by nine more, their scales rippling with the same colours. The dragons spread out, moving to make a half circle facing the maze. Their faces were grim as they stared dead ahead.
Two of the ten stepped forward, vines clasped in their talons. They approached a nearby pillar and began to rope knotted vines around it. After a few moments, the Wisp Talons stepped to the side of the column, each holding a vine in their claws as they nodded to the ones still on the beach.
Zoltar realized with a jab of fear that that was where the sacrifice would take place. Every nerve in his body was screaming at him to back away and stop watching, but he couldn’t drag his eyes away.
He watched, captivated as the half circle of dragons split, forming a path that led to the pillar. They all turned to face the forest, their expressions cold as ice. Four more Wisp Talons strode forward, their talons gripping more vines as they dragged a limping black dragon out of the trees.
Zoltar bite back a cry of horror. It was Scorpus.
The commander looked nothing like his former self. His bound wings were ripped and torn and his dusty black scales were crusted in dried blood.
Zoltar had to resist the urge to gag when he saw the Shadow Talon’s tail. His poisonous barb had been severed, leaving only a festering stump.
Anger surged through him. How could the Wisp Talons do this? Was murdering innocent dragons not enough for them. They had to torture them too.
Scorpus hung his head as he staggered onto the beach, his muzzle roped shut with more vines. The four Wisp Talons led him to the pillar, where they began roping him to the column. Scorpus offered no resistance, seemingly haven given up. He barely reacted as the Wisp Talons secured the last knot and moved to join the others on the beach.
Zoltar watched helplessly. He couldn’t just stand here. He had to help him, but how? There were more than ten Wisp Talons down there. Not to mention that there must by dozens more watching from the shadows of the forest. How could he help?
His eyes and chest burned with supressed fire as he realized he could do nothing to stop them. If he revealed himself, he’d get himself, Felistia and Shiraku killed, along with Scorpus. There was nothing he could do.
Zoltar stomped his talons as tears ran down his snout. This couldn’t be happening.
The cries of the Death Grippers had grown louder, slicing through the night air like a rain of burning arrows. The maze was filled with them, the scarlet glow of their eyes piercing through the mist as they slunk forward.
More Wisp Talons had emerged from the trees, their scales flashing blood red to deathly black as they lowered their wings towards the ocean. Lifting their snouts towards the full moon, they began to chant a low, ominous tune.
Death Grippers stalked onto the beach, circling the helpless Scorpus as they chattered excitedly. Scorpus watched them with tired eyes, before hanging his head as he accepted his fate.
He couldn’t watch this. He had to do something. This was wrong. He had to stop it. How could the Wisp Talons do this? Zoltar dug his talons into the rock as he forced himself to stay put. Ever fibre in his being wanted to launch into the night and rain fire down on the beach, consuming the Wisp Talons and Death Grippers in red hot flame.
Just then, Felistia’s wing brushed against his, breaking him from his panic as she gently pulled him away from the entrance. He didn’t resist, shaking as he followed her to the back of the cave. She didn’t say a word, but just wrapped a wing around him as she clasped his paw with hers.
He took a deep breath as he tried to still his tremors. That’s when the silence hit him. It hung in the air for a few moments like a dark cloud, enveloping them in a calm so quiet it made Zoltar feel numb.
Suddenly, the air around him erupted as the Death Grippers attacked, their blood curdling roars filling the night.
Zoltar yelped, clamping his paws over his ears as Scorpus’s agonized cries pierced through him, penetrating every bone in his body. Felistia shuddered, but held him as he pressed his head to the cave wall, desperate to escape the sound.
He couldn’t shut it out. It was killing him. He squeezed his eyes shut, his sobs unheard as his entire world was ripped apart by Scorpus’s gurgling wails.
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140,162 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Flames is evil, and i can't believe you wrote this!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm baaack to leave another review!!
First Impression: Ahh, this was a very powerful chapter, didn't expect this to happen at all, I was thinking they did kill Scorpus, but well this just makes things that much more powerful here to see the depths that the Wisp Talons descend too in their handling of these prisoners and the horrible fate that falls on them.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Oooh, looks like this chapter is going to go somewhat more into detail about that Wisp Talong ceremony there and I just get the feeling we might end up seeing what happens to the poor dragons that get snatched up and sacrificed.
That is very good advice Zoltar, you just might want to listen to her there...cause you've got no idea what kind of horrifying sight you might witness...it definitely can't be pretty to see a dragon being sacrificed.
Well...you can clearly tell there that the Wisp Talons aren't necessarily the biggest fans of The Death Grippers judging by the description of their faces there but I suppose they don't really have much of a choice in the matter at hand less they should all be killed.
Ahh...this is described really well here, you can see that he can tell quite easily what's going to happen to happen next and he knows its horrifying and wants to look away but at the same time he's so shocked that he's incapable of turning away.
Ahh..so they did catch him instead of killing him, well this is going to be painful to watch for pretty much everyone involved, and it looks like Zoltar is also going to have to pretend that this is not someone that he has a connection too or the other two might ask uncomfortable questions.
Well you can definitely see these guys don't treat there prisoners with any sense of respect or anything....so they definitely seem to enjoy the process of sacrificing a bit too much despite their clear fear of The Death Grippers also being a thing.
Yeah...well as sad as it is to have to watch something truly horrible like that, Zoltar would do far more harm than good if he went charging in there.
Oh well, here is happens and well poor Zoltar is going to have even more trauma get added to his account not to mention he's going to have to explain those tears to everyone else there...I suppose he could just blame it on seeing one of his own kind being killed off.
Ahh, this is probably the most powerful point about this here...to see that Scorpus gives up and ends up accepting his fate without even struggling shows how much suffering he must've been through.
Well I guess she has experience comforting dragons that have witnessed the worst happening to a loved one...
Welll....talk about a killer ending there
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, a powerful chapter here that I feel like go on to cast a shadow on the entire story...this is a much sadder send off for Scorpus than we had earlier, but not only does it make sense, it gives Zoltar even more things to fight for here which is good.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thank you so much for the review. This was a terribly hard chapter to write for obvious reasons.
P.S This is actually @FlamingPhoenix's fault. Originally the dragon being killed was supposed to be a wisp talon, but she suggested I use Scorpus for this. As much as I hate admit it, I think it was much more impactful to do it this way. Anyway, thought you'd like to know.
You're Welcome!!
?
Oh dear...Flames come on, what did poor Zoltar ever do to you
BUt yeah...it is true though, it creates so much more impact.
Why didn't you cry? You have no heart.... T-T
*cackles evilly*
I've read too many tragic stories now, they no longer affect me
Hi felistia,
Where was I? Oh, yeah, Mailice here with a short review! 
Mailice here… woah now I´m shocked. The Wisp Talon seems to jump right out of the picture just because I wanted to give a review here.
That was a very strange chapter. I was caught in a kind of trance while I was reading and I'm pretty sure Zoltar was too when he witnessed the horrors where he had volunteered to give images to the screams. This chapter seemed like a piece of horror that slowly creeps up on someone and then disappears. I have to say it gave me the kind of goosebumps I don't like. But that was very good about the chapter. I think what also enhanced that effect was that silence in terms of dialogue. You only used dialogue once, which I think is extraordinarily good. It helps to give the story here that mood that you're used to from rituals. Everyone is quiet except for the actors and everyone is focused with their eyes on the pyre.
You have portrayed Zoltar well. On the one hand, his curiosity punished him and on the other hand, it seemed as if he himself was in despair because he couldn't look away. Blinded by Scorpus, he seemed as if he couldn't even think of helping him. I think it's good that you put that in and also mentioned that it would blow his cover. It's an interesting twist for Zoltar and yet it indirectly shows that he now declares himself "important" and sees Scorpus as "irredeemable". After everything that has happened, his brain manages to focus on his own self-preservation.
This was a well-written chapter. I liked how wordless it was and how you managed to sum up this ritual in great words. You mixed and matched it well with Zoltar's inner life and I felt like nothing was missing. In parts you were very direct and sometimes a bit indirect, which I thought was great and gives a kind of "jump effect”.
As I said, I can't fault anything here, but only demand that we see more of the aftermath in the next chapter and perhaps how Zoltar will now react when he next encounters the Wisp Talons. It shows again how difficult it is to fulfil the quest when these Wisp Talons are on the island. Maybe Sidious will come up with the idea to wait for the next ritual and take felistia and Shiraku as sacrifices to fulfil the quest? Uh, I don't want to think about that.
Finally, I just have to say that the image is really wonderful and menacing.
Some other points that caught my eye:
With such a powerful beginning, it can only be a good chapter.
That´s such a cool description!
Some of the inverted commas have been lost.
You give it a very good arc of tension because you reflect it through the method that it is indirectly conveyed. However, I found the final sentence a little too inappropriate because it flattened everything out. I think if you could write it in roughly the same form as the previous ones, it would be better. I even think you could start it with "Zoltar" as the sentence starters would be "he" - "his" - "Zoltar", which shows this estrangement going back.
I have to be honest, I almost forgot about Scorpus, then I remembered who he is. That must have been quite a shock for Zoltar. For me even more, because how many chapters has it been since we saw him? In any case, it was a very successful set-up!
Is here a question mark missing? Take mine!
I'm pretty sure you mean Zoltar here, but since Scorpus is mentioned in the last paragraph, it can be assumed for him as well.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Thank you so much for the review. This was such a hard chapter to write. I felt terrible about my self.
And yet you have created something really great. I wouldn't feel terrible about that.