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Young Writers Society



The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Chapter 50

by felistia


The last of the sun’s light flooded the darkening sky, casting the clouds in a blaze of fiery oranges and violets. Tendrils of mist snaked over the tree shrouded columns like glowing serpents.

Not a breath of wind disturbed the still evening as Zoltar padded down the mountain slope. The evening light caught his obsidian black scales, tainting them a dark crimson before reverting back as another overhanging tree cloaked him in shadow.

He’d been walking for a while now and had just about reached the base of the mountain.

Pausing, Zoltar flicked out his tongue, tasting the air. It was faint, but he could pick up the slightest scent of Wisp Talon. It wouldn’t be long before he reached the heart of their territory. He had to be careful from here on. No mistakes.

Trying not to let his nerves get the best of him, he continued on, doing his best to follow the scent trail.

The shadows had darkened considerable since he’d entered the forest. Damp leaves squelched under paw, causing him to cringe at the sound.

He silently cursed the recent rain. It was only adding to his problems. Not only was it making silence near impossible, but it had also washed away most of the scent trails. Even the one he’d just picked up kept fading in and out of his senses. It was like walking blind.

He hissed in frustration, stopping again to try to gather his bearings.

He had only the vaguest idea of where the village was from what Emerald had told him and this was not making it any easier. He couldn’t afford to wander around aimlessly, not around here. It was too risky. He just needed to find the village and get out of here.

Huffing, he looked around. Everything looked the same. Trees cloaked in shadows, their branches concealing what lay a few dragon lengths ahead. It was so easy to get lost.

He longed to fly up and have a look around, but he resisted the urge. It was too risky. Watchful eyes could easily spot him. It was the whole reason he’d decided to walk in the first place.

He paced a few steps forward and sniffed the air again, searching for the trail again. It took some concentration, but if he tilted his snout just right, he could pick up the faintest scent leading towards what he presumed to be south.

Treading softly, he continued. He only wanted to track the trail a little further. At least until he was sure he was near the village. More scents should converge with this one before then. After that he’d break off and observe. No need to follow his nose straight into the dragon he was presumably following.

Once in the area, he hoped to trail a Wisp Talon back to the village. It would be risky, but he was at a slight advantage. It was pitch black tonight and the moons were little more than half full, giving little to no light through the canopy.

Zoltar silently thanked the fact that he has night vision. Without it, this would be impossible. It was his one advantage and he was going to use it. Between that and near silence, he should be able to go unnoticed.

He assumed that the Wisp Talons probably relied on sound to find dragons in the darkness. It was only a guess, but nothing else worked. They didn’t have nocturnal vision. Only Moon Talons and Shadow Talons possessed that. They didn’t have echolocation either.

They could use their sense of smell, but it wasn’t nearly has well developed at an Ice Talon’s. Besides, they couldn’t have used that. Otherwise, how had they found him, Nira and Scorpus so fast? They hadn’t exactly left a lot of scent trails to follow.

No, it had to be their hearing they were using.

Well, if it was that, then he was ready for it. He was being ridiculously carefully where he stepped. No brushing against stray leaves or stepping on hidden twigs. He was practically silent.

With the Wisp Talons being almost blind in the darkness, he should be able to sneak up right under their snouts.

He half wondered if this was why the sacrifices happened on the nights with a full moon. A full moon would provide plenty of light for them to see, especially if they were flying above the canopy.

Zoltar shook his head, trying to rid himself for the thought, before to many memories were dragged up with it. He had to stay focused. The trail was getting stronger and had intersected a few slightly fainter scents. He was getting close.

Nerves bit at his stomach. Was he really doing this? This was crazy. It was so dangerous. One wrong move and he be discovered. From there…

He shivered. He didn’t even want to go down that path.

If he got into trouble, he was on his own. No one would help him. It would all be over. Not even Sidious would be able to get him out of this one. Not like he’d ever helped before though.

Zoltar wrinkled his snout at the thought of Sidious. Where was he? He hadn’t seen the Ghost Talon in almost four days. It was starting to worry him. Not that he was upset about his disappearance. He despised the dragon after all.

It was just that his absence was concerning. Sidious wouldn’t leave without reason. He was either hiding from something or had been caught.

Maybe he was being paranoid. After all, the Ghost Talon had given him an ultimatum. There wasn’t really a reason for him to show up other than to mock him. He was probably watching and waiting for him to make his move.

Still, if he didn’t show up in the next day or so, he’d have to investigate. It would be foolish not to. He was only leaving it this long because he really didn’t want to come face to face with Sidious for no good reason.

He huffed and shook his head, trying to rid himself of the thoughts. He had to focus. The scent was getting thick and was less than an hour old now. Other trails intersected with it constantly now. It was time to break off and find cover.

He don’t have to go far. The forest was thicker here than along the coast. Bushes, low hanging branches and closely packed together tree trunks made for perfect camouflage.

Settling down between a rather large tree trunk and bush, Zoltar waited. Now he just needed to watch and wait. It shouldn’t be long before another Wisp Talon showed up. With any luck, they’d give away the location of the village. He just needed to be patient and stay as silent as possible.

His heart drummed in his ears, almost drowning out the world around him. He sucked in a shaky breath in the effort to calm his nerves. He had to stay calm.

Zoltar knew the danger he was putting himself in. Though the density of the forest made for perfect cover, it would be his doom if he was discovered. There was no way to fly out with the canopy this thick and forest floor was littered with fallen trees and twisting vines. Running wasn’t really an option either. The fragility of his situation sent shivers down his spine. If he made even one mistake, it would be all over.

His ears pricked as the metallic hiss of scales brushing against leaves overhead. Immediately, he sank lower to the ground, flattening his wings against his sides as he tried to make himself smaller.

It must be a Wisp Talon. Remaining deathly still, he scanned the tree tops, growing more anxious by the second. He couldn’t find the dragon despite still being able to hear them rustling somewhere nearby. They must be camouflaged.

Cold chills ran over his scales. Why would they be camouflaged? They couldn’t know that he was here?

A flicker of movement caught his eye. He squinted, trying to make out the object seemingly floating in the air a few dragon lengths from him.

‘What in the world?’ Fire burning in the back of his throat as he tensed, realization hitting him.

‘Oh no.’

Zoltar exploded from his hiding place, dirt flying from his paws as he scrambled for purchase. At the same time there was a flash of silver and moments later the sting of it piercing his scales.

‘No, no, no, no!’

Zoltar had just enough time to yank the dart from his neck before his vision started to grow fuzzy. A sickly weakness rapidly flooded his body, his legs growing limp as his desperate flight for freedom was cut short. His paws gave out second later, Zoltar being barely conscious enough to register the thud of his head hitting the forest floor.

Black clawed at the edges of his vision as he desperately clung to consciousness. It was useless though. The poison was winning, dragging him down with it. The last thing he registered was dozens of Wisp Talons materialized from the trees for the darkness finally swallowed him.


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Sat Sep 03, 2022 3:00 pm
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Liminality wrote a review...



Hi again felistia!

First Impressions

Oh wow, this chapter was tense and scary. It looks like Zoltar is in big trouble now. I could really feel his sense of isolation and how he’s basically running into this on his own against huge odds. I definitely felt bad for him here, particularly towards the end of the chapter.

Nerves bit at his stomach. Was he really doing this? This was crazy. It was so dangerous. One wrong move and he be discovered. From there…
He shivered. He didn’t even want to go down that path.

I thought this was bone-chilling in particular. Leaving out that part of the thought process definitely calls back to what happened to Scorpus immediately and I could understand and empathise with Zoltar’s emotions here.

Setting

I really liked how you used the setting to create the tense atmosphere. I could tell Zoltar was in danger right away! The image “in a blaze of fiery oranges and violets” for the sky was particularly ominous, though I do also like the detail in “Tendrils of mist snaked “. Using the heavily forested landscape before Zoltar gets caught by the Wisp Talons also created this feeling of being watched.

Stylistic nitpicks

I noticed a bit of repetitiveness in some of the descriptions, such as:
Not a breath of wind disturbed the still evening as Zoltar padded down the mountain slope. The evening light caught his obsidian black scales

‘evening’ is used twice here.
He paced a few steps forward and sniffed the air again, searching for the trail again.

‘again’ is repeated.
I think some of the repetition might be there to show how Zoltar is focused on the dangers ahead of him, which makes sense, such as how the thoughts of something being “too risky” coming up several times. I do wonder if there might be a way to show that thought through Zoltar’s actions, though.
He longed to fly up and have a look around, but he resisted the urge.

For example, this bit might involve some movement. Maybe he could moved his wings slightly, almost getting ready for takeoff but then cut it out halfway through. That’s what “resisted the urge” brought to mind for me.

Plot

Something that I felt was a little strange was Zoltar’s musings about Sidious. It felt like he was thinking about Sidious for quite a long time despite needing to focus on his present mission, which broke up the tension for me a bit. That might be intentional, or necessary to set up something later in the plot, but I just thought I’d note it here.

As for the plot, I had definitely not expected Zoltar to be caught so soon! I like that the plot manages to surprise me quite frequently, especially since this seems to be a chapter quite deep into the story as a whole already. I wonder if and how Zoltar is going to get out of this. One speculation would be that Emerald would help him out, though I’m not sure how likely that will be.

Overall

Zoltar’s thought processes are immersive to follow, as always. This chapter makes me feel a sense of dread, but also maybe hope – I’m not entirely sure how things are going to pan out for Zoltar. Zoltar may think he’s doomed, but since his predictions don’t always come true, I think there’s maybe a little room there that what he encounters might not be what he’ll expect. Or, it will be, but then Emerald might somehow try to help him out.

Hope some of this helps and feel free to ask for more feedback!
-Lim

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Sat Jul 23, 2022 9:20 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi felistia,

Mailice here with a final short review! :D

It has been a long journey to get here and I must say that it has been a considerable climb that we have received.

The pace of the story has picked up and it feels like we are moving into a new arc. At least it seems that way with this chapter. The build up to this point I thought was good, think it did particularly well to develop the relationship between Emerald and Zoltar so that they exchanged ideas. I found it interesting to go deeper into her character, and also Zoltar's reactions.

What I generally missed in the chapters here were your always beautiful and poetic descriptions. Usually they came along with the introduction, but this time they were sporadic and rarely used. This has given the chapters up to this point something dramatic, as if we are in a climax of the story. It made me feel like something very bad was going to happen at any moment, which indirectly raised the tension and left me sitting on the edge of my seat that anything could happen at any moment.

What struck me though, and I have to praise this again, is the dialogue between Emerald and Zoltar. Zoltar is special in his way, but I like Emerald in that she clearly has a special style of speaking, which you have highlighted well. I always enjoyed coming back to her after a more reflective or Zoltar-is-alone chapter to hear more from her. It's also good because there is such a distinct difference between Felistia and Shiraku.

What I mentioned before was how the repetition between the ups and downs of the chapters is a bit tiring. I'll have to wait and see what exactly is in store there so I can justify it properly, because at the moment I don't like the way we're thrown back and forth in this emotional merry-go-round.

Nevertheless, I found the six chapters very good in their presentation and sombre tone. It was something different from before, probably because of the lack of descriptions but also because of the structure you created. It's probably not for everyone, but still, we'll have to wait for the continuation. :D

Have fun writing!

Mailice





The strongest people are not those who show their true strength in front of us but those who win battles we know nothing about.
— Unknown