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The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Prologue

by felistia


Artwork by @FlamingPhoenix

A cool autumn breeze rustled the copper leaves overhead as a crystal blue dragoness crept through the trees. Shafts of dying sunlight cut through the withering canopy as the sun slowly sank behind the northern mountain peaks.

The dragoness glanced up at the sky, her tail flicking back and forth restlessly. It was only an hour or two before night fell. She had to be back before then.

Picking up the pace, she continued on, the growl of waves hitting the shore growing louder in her ears by the moment.

‘Maybe this is too risky. What if they decide to start their patrols early tonight? I should just retrieve my catch in the morning. It won’t hurt to go hungry just for tonight.’ She fretted as she ducked a low hanging branch.

But what if the Death Grippers found the antelope? She’d worked so hard to catch it and it was the first decent sized prey animal she’d caught in nearly a moon.

No, she had this argument with herself almost every evening after the day’s hunt. She had enough time. Besides if the worst came, she could just stay the night on the beach. They never seemed to venture beyond the forest.

The ground under paw shifted from dirt to pebbles as she approached the tree line. There it was. The maze of mist draped pillars that surrounded the island. Ocean waves crashed against the columns of black rock, tossing spray into the haze that lay beyond the beach.

The Ice Talon dragoness paused as she scanned the maze for signs of movement. One could never be too careful. You never knew when one of those things would be watching, waiting to pounce on an unsuspecting dragon.

Her golden eyes drifted along the shore and up the slope to a small mound of pebbles where she’d hidden her catch. It seemed to be untouched.

Taking a final scent of the air, she inched forward, ready to break her cover. That’s when it caught her eye. The flash of a turquoise fin trailing through the water.

Hastily she backed up, crouching to hide her silvery scales as best she could. She remained still, watching silently as two figures emerged from the mist.

‘Sea Talons!’ the dragoness inhaled sharply as she saw a not yet fully grown dragonet climbed up onto the beach, staggering under the weight of her much older companion as she helped him ashore. The male dragon was limping, holding his right front leg close to his chest as scarlet blood dripped from a deep wound.

They managed to make it a few meters up the slope before the dragonet collapsed, unable to support her father any longer.

He dropped down beside her, breathing heavily as he looked back at the maze uneasily. Nothing move out in the mist however and he seemed to relax after a moment or two.

“Ha, ha. We made it,” He laughed almost deliriously, batting the dragonet lightly with his webbed paw.

She rolled her eyes and huffed in response, her iridescent wings flopped down at her sides.

‘Who are these dragons?’ The Ice Talon wondered as she watched from her hiding place. She hadn’t seen new dragons on the island for nearly two years. At least she thought it had been that long. It was hard to tell how long has passed since the massacre. Every day was a fight for survival, a constant game of cat and mouse between her and the island’s residents. Keeping track of how long it had been since she’d left the Ice Kingdom didn’t really matter anymore.

Now two Sea Talons had washed ashore. What were they doing here? Surely they knew the risks?

More importantly, what was she going to do? It was dangerous to approach other dragon tribes and besides it was hard enough on the island alone. A group of three would make more noise and would need more food. Not to mention that one was a dragonet.

No, it was in her best interest to leave them on the beach. She had enough problems of her own.

She turned to go, carful where she placed her paws so as not to alert the Sea Talons to her presence.

But something prevented her from going further. Maybe it was the thought of the Death Grippers smelling the blood on the wind and ambushing the pair in the later hours or maybe it was the dreadful feeling of loneliness that caused her to look back?

The dragonet had gotten to her paws and was helping her father clean his wound, bringing small talonfuls off sea water to wash the gash. He smiled at her and gave her a quick lick on the snout before reaching into a pouch around his neck. He pulled out something that the Ice Talon could only assume was sea weed and wrapped it around his arm, tying a knot to secure it.

“There,” he said, standing up on all four paws, although he still kept most of his weight off the wounded leg, “Now let’s see about finding some shelter for the night.”

The Ice Talon smiled faintly. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad having companions. The male Sea Talon seemed to know what he was doing and the dragonet appeared to be capable of looking after herself.

Just then a faint acidic scent grabbed her attention and she turned her snout skyward. The sun had disappeared behind the north mountain. Nightfall was here. She had to get back before the first star glittered into view. If she wanted to help these dragons she’d have to act now and get them to her cave before those creatures emerged.

Taking a deep breath she step forward and into sight.


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Fri Sep 03, 2021 1:38 pm
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TrinityPoeting wrote a review...



hello, felistia! Nicole here to write a short review.



first impressions: I thought this was a really good chapter, and I can't wait to go through and read the next chapters! I really like the setup here. it seems like it will be an interesting story. I especially like the beginning:

A cool autumn breeze rustled the copper leaves overhead as a crystal blue dragoness crept through the trees. Shafts of dying sunlight cut through the withering canopy as the sun slowly sank behind the northern mountain peaks.
it has some really good imagery and I always really like that in a story.



things you could fix: I think you're basically good here, there's isn't much that needs fixing.
the only thing that made me pause was
Keep track of how long it had been since she’d left the Ice Kingdom didn’t really matter anymore.
maybe you could say something like:''keeping track of how long she'd been in the ice kingdom didn't really matter anymore''. but that is just a suggestion.



recap: I thought it was really good, and I'm looking forward to reading the rest!

keep writing!

-Nicole




felistia says...


Thank you for the review. :D



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Sat May 22, 2021 1:49 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi felistia,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

I've actually become a silent reader here because I never managed to finish my actual review for the prologue. So, I´m back here and I try to focus on the chapter itself and not too much on the upcoming chapters to comment on forshadowings or anything like that.

Let's start by saying that I really like the map. I love that in fantasy stories when you can see that the writer has put some thought into the world and what it should look like. Kudos for that! :D

A cool autumn breeze rusted the copper leaves overhead as a crystal blue dragoness crept through the trees. Shafts of dying sunlight cut through the withering canopy as the sun slowly sank behind the northern mountain peaks.


That's a good start for the story. These are such small details I like a lot in stories, and they always give the story a deeper insight and make the world seem more alive.

No, she had this argument with herself almost every evening after the day's hunt. She had enough time. Besides if the worst came, she could just stay the night on the beach. They never seemed to venture beyond the forest.


The conflict you describe here is well done. I like how you show that the dragoness always has these pangs of conscience and yet the one voice in her head is also trying to lower the danger.

Hastily she backed up, crouching to hide her silvery scales as best she could. She remained still, watching silently as two figures emerged from the mist.


I like your introduction and description of the dragoness. Scattered through the story, it seems authentic, like a hunt where you gradually see more of an animal you're looking for.

"Ha, ha. We made it," He laughed almost deliriously, batting the dragonet lightly with his webbed paw.


The laughter doesn't seem as maniacal as you want to present it. I would take away the comma first, as it gives me the feeling that he is out of breath and is now breathing deeply in and out. Since a simple "hahaha" doesn't always do the job of how you want to present laughter, I would stretch the "deliriously" a bit further and maybe insert how the individual "ha's" alternate between loud and shrill (For example) to present it more deliriously.

The sun had disappeared behind the north mountain.


If the world you create has the same laws of physics as ours, the sun cannot theoretically disappear behind the "north mountain". Unless you rephrase it a bit, like at the beginning, where it's the "northern mountains", which can also expand in a westerly direction. I'm a bit of an oddball and I think I'm too much of a perfectionist here... :D

So, yes, what I like about this prologue is how you start to tell the story. It seems like an ordinary day for her through the development of the dragoness and how she struggles to survive, and yet two more dragons appear, which causes her rhythm to get completely out of control. I like this process because it ties in a bit with the classic motif that many protagonists from books and other media don't always want to be a protagonist.

I also like that you try to develop a great scenery with your choice of words and at the same time give a little insight into the inner world of dragoness. The storypacing is very well paced, especially for the prologue you managed to keep it smooth and flowing without it getting bogged down.

In summary, I can say that I liked the prologue a lot. I think it is precisely because you have created this motif of normal everyday life - unusual that the prologue gives the reader the curiosity to read on.

Have fun with your writing!

Mailice.




felistia says...


Thank you so much for the review. I like your incites on what I should change and I'll definitely check back and edit them in when I come back to polish this draft. So glad you liked the prologue. :D



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Wed May 12, 2021 8:09 pm
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Phlonix wrote a review...



This is a very interesting world that you have dawn me into! I'm excited to discover more about the history, the characters, and so on and so forth. I do wonder how exactly these dragons chose their dwellings, and how they chose their names.

The mention of a massacre is chilling, as now I wonder whether she escaped or was let go for some mysterious reason.




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Mon Apr 12, 2021 4:34 pm
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! Sorry it took so long to get around to all of these, but I should be reviewing these in a row for the next few days :)

First Impression: Well I am loving this prologue at first glance. Its got all the prologue essentials down quite well and it seems to be encompassing everything we need here. Aaand I think I can recognize our unnamed dragonesses here. ;)

Anyway let's get right to it,

A cool autumn breeze rustled the copper leaves overhead as a crystal blue dragoness crept through the trees. Shafts of dying sunlight cut through the withering canopy as the sun slowly sank behind the northern mountain peaks.

The dragoness glanced up at the sky, her tail flicking back and forth restlessly. It was only an hour or two before night fell. She had to be back before then.

Okay....its been a really long time since I read this particular story...well let's see if I remember things...although I guess this prologue will have a lot of completely new things in it...anyways...nice little start...seems like its going to be pretty exciting.

Picking up the pace, she continued on, the growl of waves hitting the shore growing louder in her ears by the moment.

‘Maybe this is too risky. What if they decide to start their patrols early tonight? I should just retrieve my catch in the morning. It won’t hurt to go hungry just for tonight.’ She fretted as she ducked a low hanging branch.


Oooh...we're establishing the stakes here right off the bat...that's going great...

But what if the Death Grippers found the antelope? She’d worked so hard to catch it and it was the first decent sized prey animal she’d caught in nearly a moon.

No, she had this argument with herself almost every evening after the day’s hunt. She had enough time. Besides if the worst came, she could just stay the night on the beach. They never seemed to venture beyond the forest.


Well I am guessing this is Felistia hunting for food on the Wisp Talon island if I'm remembering everything properly here. ANyway, ignoring that...this is going very well for a prologue.

The ground under paw shifted from dirt to pebbles as she approached the tree line. There it was. The maze of mist draped pillars that surrounded the island. Ocean waves crashed against the columns of black rock, tossing spray into the haze that lay beyond the beach.

The Ice Talon dragoness paused as she scanned the maze for signs of movement. One could never be too careful. You never knew when one of those things would be watching, waiting to pounce on an unsuspecting dragon.


Oh yes, those things definitely were super scary the last time I read about them, I doubt they've changed much since then.

Her golden eyes drifted along the shore and up the slope to a small mound of pebbles where she’d hidden her catch. It seemed to be untouched.

Taking a final scent of the air, she inched forward, ready to break her cover. That’s when it caught her eye. The flash of a turquoise fin trailing through the water.

Hastily she backed up, crouching to hide her silvery scales as best she could. She remained still, watching silently as two figures emerged from the mist.


Oooh...now who could that possibly be...

‘Sea Talons!’ the dragoness inhaled sharply as she saw a not yet fully grown dragonet climbed up onto the beach, staggering under the weight of her much older companion as she helped him ashore. The male dragon was limping, holding his right front leg close to his chest as scarlet blood dripped from a deep wound.

That has got to be Shuraku...this definitely can't be anyone else, what other Sea Talon would be roaming around this particular island?

They managed to make it a few meters up the slope before the dragonet collapsed, unable to support her father any longer.

He dropped down beside her, breathing heavily as he looked back at the maze uneasily. Nothing move out in the mist however and he seemed to relax after a moment or two.

“Ha, ha. We made it,” He laughed almost deliriously, batting the dragonet lightly with his webbed paw.


Oh no...he's definitely going to die isn't he....hitting us with those emotional notes right away....I see...and its definitely working, especially since I already thing I know who that is...oh dear.

She rolled her eyes and huffed in response, her iridescent wings flopped down at her sides.

‘Who are these dragons?’ The Ice Talon wondered as she watched from her hiding place. She hadn’t seen new dragons on the island for nearly two years. At least she thought it had been that long. It was hard to tell how long has passed since the massacre. Every day was a fight for survival, a constant game of cat and mouse between her and the island’s residents. Keep track of how long it had been since she’d left the Ice Kingdom didn’t really matter anymore.


Ooof, poor Felistis is starting to go crazy from being stranded on the island alone for so long I see....well hopefully she's about to get herself a new companion here and that should help her out...somewhat.

Now two Sea Talons had washed ashore. What were they doing here? Surely they knew the risks?

More importantly, what was she going to do? It was dangerous to approach other dragon tribes and besides it was hard enough on the island alone. A group of three would make more noise and would need more food. Not to mention that one was a dragonet.


Very logical of her there....for sure...as always with all the characters in this story...something I just love about how these are written.

No, it was in her best interest to leave them on the beach. She had enough problems of her own.

She turned to go, careful where she placed her paws so as not to alert the Sea Talons to her presence.


Good decision...good decision...I think its the right one here.

But something prevented her from going further. Maybe it was the thought of the Death Grippers smelling the blood on the wind and ambushing the pair in the later hours or maybe it was the dreadful feeling of loneliness that caused her to look back?


Definitely the loneliness.

The dragonet had gotten to her paws and was helping her father clean his wound, bringing small talonfuls off sea water to wash the gash. He smiled at her and gave her a quick lick on the snout before reaching into a pouch around his neck. He pulled out something that the Ice Talon could only assume was sea weed and wrapped it around his arm, tying a knot to secure it.

“There,” he said, standing up on all four paws, although he still kept most of his weight off the wounded leg, “Now let’s see about finding some shelter for the night.”


Well he didn't die...that was surprising...are we seeing a bit of a change here....or did I completely forget the existence of an entire dragon in this story...ahhh....let's see I suppose.

The Ice Talon smiled faintly. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad having companions. The male Sea Talon seemed to know what he was doing and the dragonet appeared to be capable of looking after herself.

Just then a faint acidic scent grabbed her attention and she turned her snout skyward. The sun had disappeared behind the north mountain. Nightfall was here. She had to get back before the first star glittered into view. If she wanted to help these dragons she’d have to act now and get them to her cave before those creatures emerged.

Taking a deep breath she step forward and into sight.


Lovely little cliffhanger to end the prologue, definitely a really good choice of ending you've got there.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Well this was definitely a fun little prologue. I definitely enjoyed reading it, and it looks like maybe a couple of things are different already or I'm just forgetful, I don't really know but at any rate, I'm looking forward to reading the other chapter too...quite soon.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




felistia says...


Thank you so much for your review. I've been dying to know what you though of the rewrite. I am going to change quite a few things, add in a bunch of stuff, but the core story will remain mostly the same.
I'm mostly trying to fit in a lot more world build and a solid history for this world as I really didn't have that down firmly in the last draft. :D



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Thu Mar 25, 2021 6:05 pm
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SageOctober wrote a review...



First off, I love the map at the top! How did you make that? It gives the reader some good information about the world.

Just a quick grammatical error: "Taking a deep breath she step forward and into sight." I think you meant "stepped" instead.

I am a little curious about what kind of animals there are in this world. There is a mention of an antelope, so it seems that there are lots of different kinds of animals, but also dragons. Is this like our world, but with dragons instead of people?

The prologue is very intriguing, and the descriptions are very vivid. I am very interested to see what or who these "Death Grippers" are.




felistia says...


Thank you Sage for the review.
I had a rough sketch of the map, but it was properly filled in by Draculus.
:D



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Wed Mar 24, 2021 12:39 pm
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BEASTtheHUN wrote a review...



I like your map a lot, did you make it? If I were a publisher, right now I would publish this work no questions asked. The first lines alone transport me to a world so unlike my own, it is uniquely beautiful in its own right. The descriptive imagery is spot on, and the flow is enviable. The dialogue is incredible. I have a question are these like anthrosaurus, or are these full-on eastern European dragons, or are these Chinese dragons. I really want to know. I really, really like the way you cataloged their thoughts and their actions. Each line is engrossing and propels you forward at just the right pace. Tag me on the next chapter, no if, or buts about it, it is a must. Until next time!




felistia says...


Thank you so much for your review. It means a lot to hear your thoughts on this chapter. :D

I will tag you for the next chapter.

P.S I had a rough sketch of the map, but it was properly filled in by Draculus.



felistia says...


The dragons are more along the lines of European dragons. My sister is busy drawing characters for me at the moment. I hope to include the depictions in the coming chapters. If you check out my wall you'll be able to see some of them.



BEASTtheHUN says...


Thanks!




"You, who have all the passion for life that I have not? You, who can love and hate with a violence impossible to me? Why you are as elemental as fire and wind and wild things..."
— Gone With the Wind