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Young Writers Society



The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Chapter 48

by felistia


The grate of talons against rock splintered through Zoltar’s dreams. His eyes flew open, his heart racing as he leapt to his paws. How could he have let himself fall asleep again?

He quickly scanned the cavern, searching for the intruder when his eyes locked on Emeralds.

Zoltar sucked in a deep breath, “Ohh…Emerald. It’s just you.”

The Wisp Talon was sitting near the cave entrance, her azure tail curled over her trembling talons.

“No,” she said quietly.

“What?”

“No,” she said again, this time a little more forcefully, “I don’t believe it.”

“You were right yesterday. I’ve never really believed Eclipse, but recently…after what happened…”

She gritted her teeth, her grip on the rocks tightening, “I just…I can’t keep lying to myself. I can’t keep pretending like everything’s okay. It’s not!”

Zoltar flattened his ears and took a step back, taken a little off guard by Emerald’s sudden outburst.

“I try not to think about it, but I miss her so much. I thought the pain would go away, but it’s not. It’s still there and there’s nothing I can do about it. Jasper won’t talk to me. He just shuts down as soon as I mention her. I can’t do this on my own. I can’t do it alone.”

Emerald sank to the floor, her wings hiding her face as she wept.

Zoltar watched her for a moment, frozen. What should he do? Half of him wanted to comfort her, but at the same time he wasn’t sure how to approach her.

“I had to watch it,” she choked through the tears, “I had to watch the whole thing. I couldn’t leave. We couldn’t leave.”

“Oh Emerald,” Zoltar whispered, his concern for her taking over, “I’m so sorry.”

Walking over, he sat down next to Emerald, placing a paw on her shoulder in an effort to comfort her. Sobs shook Emerald’s chest as she nestled in closer.

Zoltar squeezed her shoulder and wrapped a wing over her. He could only imagine what she must be feeling, how it must have felt to watch her sister die in front of her and be unable to do a thing. Just like what had happened with Nira and Scorpus. How he’d watched, but had been powerless to help.

“I’m sorry for how I acted yesterday.” He knew it would do little to help the grieving dragoness, but it was the only thing he could think of, “I know you’re risking everything to talk to me. I shouldn’t have shouted at you. It wasn’t fair. I’m sorry.”

There was a long pause.

“It’s okay,” Emerald sniffed after a moment. She wiped her snout, “I know why you shouted. Eclipse…my tribe murdered the dragons you loved. You have a right to be angry.”

Zoltar lowered his gaze, unable to look at Emerald. He was angry, but he didn’t want to be angry at her… not anymore. It wasn’t her fault she was in this situation. She’d lost just as much as him.

“Emerald?” Zoltar started slowly, “Why am I here?”

“Hu?” she looked up through tear streaked eyes.

“What do you need from me? I know what’s happening on the island and that you don’t believe what Eclipse is doing is right, but what does that have to do with me?”

“Oh…” Emerald glanced away, looking a little unsure.

“It’s the same thing Topaz was trying to get out of Idra…wasn’t it?” Zoltar whispered, trying his best to be gentle. He couldn’t leave this any longer. The next full moon was in a matter of days. He needed to get out of here before then.

Sure, Emerald was playing nice at the moment, but if it came down to him or a fellow tribe mate he knew which he’d pick. He had get the gem soon and things with Emerald weren’t moving fast enough for that at the moment. If he didn’t make a major breakthrough in the next day or so, he’d have to resort to plan B; stealing the gem.

“She wasn’t trying to get anything out of him,” Emerald murmured after a few long moments, “She…she was just trying to get off the island. She wasn’t forcing him to do anything. It was his choice to help.”

She turned away from him, clutching her tail protectively against her chest. “I have to find a way off this island. Topaz thought it was possible, but only with the help of others. There’s no way a Wisp Talon can cross the maze on their own. She and Idra were going to try to fly to the mainland, but…well.”

“So you want me to guide you through the maze?”

Emerald nodded, “I know it’s a lot to ask, but…I don’t know what else to do. Maybe once I reach the mainland, I could talk to some of the tribes. Maybe they’d be willing to help us. If enough dragons came, Eclipse wouldn’t be able to do anything. He’d have to listen to reason.”

“Oh Emerald, I’m afraid that would never work. They’d never be willing to help you.”

“But why.”

Zoltar sighed, shaking his head, “It’s just the way things are now. Tribes tend to keep to themselves. Trust me, I know. My tribe also sought help from others. It didn’t work. We were turned away every time.”

“Couldn’t your tribe help? We could help each other. If things worked out, you could live on the island. We don’t need a lot of the land.”

She looked at him hopefully.

Zoltar’s heart raced for a moment as hope filled him, but then reality sank in. They’d still need the Ghost Talons. His tribe was simply not strong enough to take on a tribe of healthy Wisp Talons. They’d be slaughtered.

“No,” He said softly, “Believe me, I wish I could, but my tribe wouldn’t stand a chance. We’re simple not strong enough.”

“Oh,” Emerald hung her head, her scales a dejected grey. She breathed a shaky sigh, “Well, I guess there’s no point then, is there? I’d only be saving myself by escaping. I couldn’t do that. I’ll just have to think of another way.”

Zoltar watched as she got to her paws and headed for the exit, “Thanks anyway I guess. If you want, I can fly you back to the maze.”

Zoltar’s mind spun. He had to do something. This was his chance. If he didn’t take it now, he’d never have a chance.

“Wait, Emerald.”


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Mon Aug 29, 2022 1:06 pm
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Liminality wrote a review...



Hi there felistia! Lim here with a short review.

Firstly, something I liked about the chapter was that the characters’ emotions felt real and in line with their motivations. For example, I like that in the beginning, it shows through the dialogue that Emerald seems to have gone and done some thinking on her own. What she says makes her return to Zoltar despite what he said to her seem plausible. It also feels more realistic to me, since Zoltar also changed his mind about a few things over the course of the previous chapter, and so it makes sense that Emerald would do the same.

“It’s okay,” Emerald sniffed after a moment. She wiped her snout, “I know why you shouted. Eclipse…my tribe murdered the dragons you loved. You have a right to be angry.”
Zoltar lowered his gaze, unable to look at Emerald. He was angry, but he didn’t want to be angry at her… not anymore. It wasn’t her fault she was in this situation. She’d lost just as much as him.

I thought this was a good development from what’s been happening in the past few chapters. They each try to take responsibility and reach a middle ground to cooperate again, which makes their continued interaction plausible and also makes both of them more sympathetic, I think.

Something I think could be improved would be the opening and ending lines of the chapter. I thought the first line was a little ambiguous. At first, I thought Zoltar was dreaming about “the grate of talons against rock”, but as it turned out it was actually that the sound woke him up from his dream. I also felt like there was less description to set up the scene than there usually is. The ending felt a bit abrupt. I like the idea of ending on a dramatic cliffhanger there, to see if Emerald will actually help Zoltar get the gem, and I think it might work better if the conversation prior to it was happening more slowly.
“Oh,” Emerald hung her head, her scales a dejected grey. She breathed a shaky sigh, “Well, I guess there’s no point then, is there? I’d only be saving myself by escaping. I couldn’t do that. I’ll just have to think of another way.”

For example, it might have been nice to have a bit more of Zoltar’s thoughts and descriptions of Emerald’s reaction here before she tries to leave (otherwise, it feels like oh, she just got here and now she’s going already). I hope that makes sense!

Overall, I thought the best part of this chapter was seeing the characters try to figure something out together. I always love a good moment of teamwork or cooperation, even though their situation seems hopeless. The chapter overall leaves a lingering feeling of tension, not just because I want to know how Emerald responds to Zoltar, but also because I’m hoping Zoltar won’t have to resort to “plan B”, because it sounds like that might mark the end of his alliance with Emerald and also be more dangerous.

Hope some of this helps, and feel free to ask for more feedback!
-Lim




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Sat Jul 23, 2022 9:19 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi felistia,

Mailice here with another short review! :D

“I try not to think about it, but I miss her so much. I thought the pain would go away, but it’s not. It’s still there and there’s nothing I can do about it. Jasper won’t talk to me. He just shuts down as soon as I mention her. I can’t do this on my own. I can’t do it alone.”


Very nice how we get a breakdown of Emerald here. What was missing two chapters before is expressed very well here and has the effect that Emerald tried to suppress everything, but now it has burst. I like how her helplessness is shown here.


“Oh Emerald,” Zoltar whispered, his concern for her taking over, “I’m so sorry.”


Wow, I wasn't prepared for this and I have to say that I have the impression that Zoltar's "I'm so sorry" is just a sentence without any real meaning. I think you could maybe add a sentence or two here about how he reacts internally.

“Couldn’t your tribe help? We could help each other. If things worked out, you could live on the island. We don’t need a lot of the land.”


Here again Zoltar comes to the fore, trying to solve a problem that is not his, because he himself has experienced a lot.

I find it very exciting, as we have seen here, that Emerald suppresses many things and thus forms an interesting counterpart to Zoltar, who also tries to process many things by not talking about them. But Emerald can't take it any longer. I am interested to know what she has gone through and for how long alone.

In general, I really like the chapter here, it has a good mix of descriptions that seem a bit brighter and more optimistic than the previous ones.

Have fun writing!

Mailice





"You, who have all the passion for life that I have not? You, who can love and hate with a violence impossible to me? Why you are as elemental as fire and wind and wild things..."
— Gone With the Wind