Hi there felistia! Lim here with a short review.
Firstly, something I liked about the chapter was that the characters’ emotions felt real and in line with their motivations. For example, I like that in the beginning, it shows through the dialogue that Emerald seems to have gone and done some thinking on her own. What she says makes her return to Zoltar despite what he said to her seem plausible. It also feels more realistic to me, since Zoltar also changed his mind about a few things over the course of the previous chapter, and so it makes sense that Emerald would do the same.
“It’s okay,” Emerald sniffed after a moment. She wiped her snout, “I know why you shouted. Eclipse…my tribe murdered the dragons you loved. You have a right to be angry.”
Zoltar lowered his gaze, unable to look at Emerald. He was angry, but he didn’t want to be angry at her… not anymore. It wasn’t her fault she was in this situation. She’d lost just as much as him.
I thought this was a good development from what’s been happening in the past few chapters. They each try to take responsibility and reach a middle ground to cooperate again, which makes their continued interaction plausible and also makes both of them more sympathetic, I think.
Something I think could be improved would be the opening and ending lines of the chapter. I thought the first line was a little ambiguous. At first, I thought Zoltar was dreaming about “the grate of talons against rock”, but as it turned out it was actually that the sound woke him up from his dream. I also felt like there was less description to set up the scene than there usually is. The ending felt a bit abrupt. I like the idea of ending on a dramatic cliffhanger there, to see if Emerald will actually help Zoltar get the gem, and I think it might work better if the conversation prior to it was happening more slowly.
“Oh,” Emerald hung her head, her scales a dejected grey. She breathed a shaky sigh, “Well, I guess there’s no point then, is there? I’d only be saving myself by escaping. I couldn’t do that. I’ll just have to think of another way.”
For example, it might have been nice to have a bit more of Zoltar’s thoughts and descriptions of Emerald’s reaction here before she tries to leave (otherwise, it feels like oh, she just got here and now she’s going already). I hope that makes sense!
Overall, I thought the best part of this chapter was seeing the characters try to figure something out together. I always love a good moment of teamwork or cooperation, even though their situation seems hopeless. The chapter overall leaves a lingering feeling of tension, not just because I want to know how Emerald responds to Zoltar, but also because I’m hoping Zoltar won’t have to resort to “plan B”, because it sounds like that might mark the end of his alliance with Emerald and also be more dangerous.
Hope some of this helps, and feel free to ask for more feedback!
-Lim
Points: 41664
Reviews: 542
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