Published September 28, 2021
Faint trails of golden light streaked across the deathly black sky as they beckoned in the new day. The howls of the Death Grippers faded as they retreated into the maze, escaping the oncoming dawn.
The last of the Wisp Talons had departed from the beach hours ago, leaving only a few torn vines and the blood stained pebbles to warn of what had happened.
Zoltar was huddled against the cave wall, his paws still clamped over his ears. His scales were numb from crouching in the same position for so long, but he couldn’t move.
The terrible sound of Scorpus’s cries were seared into his brain, the pained roars repeating over and over again. He couldn’t feel, think or see anything else.
Felistia lay next to him, her tail curled over his talons as she rested her head on his wings. Shiraku was resting near the opposite wall, though she wasn’t asleep. She just stared blankly at the wall, her eyes a million skies away.
“Hey,” Felistia whispered gently, breaking the long stretch of silence as she got to her paws. She brushed a wing comfortingly against Zoltar’s back, “Come on. You have to get up. Try and eat something.”
She laid a piece of fish left over from the previous night at his talons, “It will help.”
Zoltar turned his snout away. How could he eat right now? It felt like his entire world had fallen apart all over again.
Felistia watched him for a long moment before asking, “Do you want to talk about it?”
Zoltar shook his head. How could he talk to her? He’d lied about everything. Sidious was the only dragon that kind of knew what was going on and even he didn’t know about Scorpus and Nira.
If he told her the real reason he was upset, she would find out that he was a liar. What would happen then? She’d probably drive him from the cave.
He sighed. He’d never felt so alone. He had no one to talk to. No one he could trust.
Felistia eyed him with pity as she seemed to consider something. Finally, she whispered, “You knew him, didn’t you? That Shadow Talon?”
Zoltar turned to face her, his amethyst eyes glassy with spent tears.
As much as it pained him to think about it, he was going to have to come up with a convincing story. She’d seen his reaction and Scorpus. She was probably wondering why there was another Shadow Talon on the island.
“Yes,” he said after moment, “I knew him.”
Felistia brushed a wing over his as she watched him with soft eyes.
Zoltar breathed a shaky sigh, “He was my mentor… I’ve known him for as long as I can remember.”
He sucked in another raspy breath, his throat raw from the night’s unheard wails, “Seeing him last night…it was…”
He clinched his paws, unable to form the words.
Felistia carried on stroking his wing, though she eyed him with sympathetic curiosity, “I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagen how it must feel.”
Zoltar dipped his head, his eyes heavy with grief and weariness as he moved to get to his paws. Sharp stabbing needles of pain crackled across his scales as he stood up for the first time in hours.
Felistia watched in silence as he shook out his paws, willing the blood to flow through his cold limbs. Zoltar knew she wasn’t satisfied with his answer. It had been vague at best.
He groaned inwardly. Maybe settling in with the islands local outcasts hadn’t been such a great idea. Every day, he was tangling himself further into a web of deception. One false word and it could all come tumbling in on him. Was it even worth it?
Maybe going it alone would be easier. He certainly wouldn’t have to worry about what other’s thought of him. So long as he got the Wisp Talon Stone, Sidious would leave him alone. The situation was stressful enough without having to juggle a bunch of lies and twisted versions of stories.
Zoltar glanced longingly at the seaweed cloaked entrance. How easy it would be to just make a break for it, fly off into the unknown and never come back. Surely it would be easier?
He took in a long, deep breath. Yes… it would be easier, but what about the Shadow Talons back home? They were relying on him. He couldn’t just give up on them. Not to mention that Felistia had been very good to him. If he just disappeared, who knew what Sidious might do to her and Shiraku? The Ghost Talon had made it quite clear what would happen to them if Zoltar didn’t follow through with the plan.
Stretching, the prickling pain beginning to subside, Zoltar turned to face Felistia. For his fallow Shadow Talons sake and their safety, he’d have to come up with a story to explain Scorpus.
Felistia gave him a questioning glance and Zoltar motioned for her to join him near the entrance.
“Scorpus…that was his name…and I, we were outcast together a few months ago. We split up a while ago. I assumed that he was dead as I never saw him again…that is…until last night. Had I known that the Wisp Talons had captured him, I would have…” Zoltar paused. What could he have done? He couldn’t have saved him on that night. He barely made it out of there with his scales intact, not to mention Nira.
Zoltar flinched at the thought of her. It was so painful to think about what had happened. They were both dead now. They were the last two dragons that he held dear to his heart and now they were both gone.
“There was nothing you could have done,” Felistia breathed, her ears flattened against her crystal blue ruff of horns, “You would have only gotten yourself killed.”
Zoltar nodded. He knew she was right, but it didn’t help the pain and regrets.
There was a long stretch of silence, before Felistia sucked in a deep breath, “Don’t you Shadow Talons know about the dangers of this island? It seems you and a bunch of other tribe’s outcasts just love to set up camp here. Why?”
Zoltar gave her a strange look. How were they supposed to know about what the Wisp Talons?
“No one on the mainland has seen or talked to a Wisp Talon in almost a decade. We all just assumed they’d died out. Why else would they have disappeared? I guess we were wrong,” he hissed bitterly.
Felistia stared at him, a hard expression having come over her snout.
“How long has it been since the last Ice Talon Queen came into power,” she suddenly asked.
“Shiler?” Zoltar was a little taken aback by the question. What did this have to do with the Wisp Talons? “About fifteen years I think, give or take.”
The Ice Talon staggered back a little, a pained groan escaping her jaws as the realization dawned on her, “That long?”
‘That’s how long she’s been on the island,’ Zoltar realized with a stab of pity.
Felistia was staring into the distance, a longing look in her eyes, “I’ve been gone for fifteen years.”
Zoltar remained quiet, unsure of how to respond. How had she survived all this time? How could one spend all these years alone without going crazy? Sure, she had Shiraku, but from the sounds of it she hadn’t been on the island that long. Not fifteen years.
Felistia let out a long sigh, a stream of icy mist coiling from her snout.
“It doesn’t matter now,” she muttered quietly, before turning back to face Zoltar.
She took in a quick breath and smiled sadly, “Anyway, did you want to join me and Shiraku on our hunt today? We always go fishing after the full moon…. it helps her with the memories. Maybe it will help you?”
Zoltar considered it, but after a moment shook his head, “I think I need to be alone today…you know…to think over what happened.”
A disappointed look flashed across Felistia’s face for a second, but she nodded, “I understand. Shiraku and I will be along the western beach if you need us.”
With that, she turned and glided out the cave, the seaweed cloaking the entrance falling back into place as she left.
Zoltar glanced quickly at Shiraku, expecting the usual scowl as the dragoness walked past him.
He was surprised to see her give him a sympathetic nod, before she swooped out the cave after Felistia.
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139,504 Literary Works • 672,591 Reviews
Hi felistia,
Mailice here with a short review!
That was an emotional chapter. I think you always have a very good knack of portraying that and bringing out the emotions. In this one it intensified a lot and also saw what a black hole Zoltar has fallen into. Not even Felistia is able to cheer him up any more, when he had at least put a little bit of hope into it.
Zoltar's emotional development is very good, naturally sad and amazingly accurate. I like that he remains wordless in many instances and when he starts to fib again, that he makes these pauses that show he is still struggling a bit for the words, to find something appropriate.
The chapter itself had a great pace, and as described, you can easily understand how Zoltar is feeling there. You just have to picture it for it to make you feel bad already. Another aspect is also that Zoltar continues to lie. I find it extremely exciting to read how you show how Zoltar now splits himself, on the one hand careful not to reveal the truth, on the other forced to mourn, it seems very amazing and very real how he talks to Felistia.
I liked at this point how she tried to cheer him up. She seemed concerned about him, but also understood that Zoltar needs time to grieve before he gets better. I think it's a good approach because in many stories you find that the other person doesn't really understand what's been going on and forces you to put a smile back on. I was also very surprised about the possible Shiler - Felistia connection. I think that's an interesting and great mystery.
Shiraku was also in some kind of change, as Zoltar noticed. I think Shiraku realised that Zoltar was going through the same thing as Shiraku. That's high praise because I like how your characters loom so real and human in this one. They are not just one-sided, but so multi-layered and populated with motives. Especially in combination with the beautiful, calm narrative tone, it develops into a very emotional novel.
Finally, I can say that I am now curious to see how this chapter will connect with the ones to come. Zoltar is in a deep hole and getting him out of it will be difficult and I am very curious to see how you will solve this "problem". I think leaving him in this state will overshadow this huge chapter a bit - but I have to stay curious and wait to see what you surprise us with.
Final-Final I have to say that I found nothing here where you could improve anything. I found the level of division and portrayal of Zoltar's emotions, the help of Felistia really terrific and it was a pleasure to read the chapter.
Other points I noticed while reading:
This has become something of a trademark of yours, to begin with a beautiful image.
That's a beautiful, philosophical expression you've used here. I like this description.
You have portrayed this feeling well through these short sentences. One can really understand how Zoltar feels.
There's a little spelling mistake here with imagen.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Thank you so much for the review. This chapter was very hard to write (due to the emotions) but I'm so happy with how it turned out.
It is going to be difficult to get out of this situation, but I have a plan and probably one you don't expect.
Now you make me curious
Good Morning @felistia and jay here to leave you a review on your good fantasy Novel
okay lets get started on your work
First off @felistia when i read this novel it reminds me of a fantasy and it does actually and you know what who my favorite character is in this novel Zoltar and Shiraku Felistia and these were nice names in the novel and this would of been a acting movie one day
Second my compliment to your work is just keep doing a good job with your work and this novel and to me in a compliment this would of been a good scene to see to match this novel as a movie fantasy to in a way that people would love
Third how you can improve is just keep writing them novel and fantasy i love fantasy movies as well and i watch a couple of them so i know and it would of been better off if you would of add there name on the novel like Zoltar this and that like what had done and go to the next character
keep writing and Stay Stafe by Jay!!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Okayy...it has been some time since we saw this story...but hmm, this chapter actually does a good job of almost acting as a summary to the whole thing with that start...and I think this is a pretty nice almost regrouping sort of chapter after the events that have unfolded so far, I think the next one onwards is probably when we actually actively look for this Wisp Talon stone and start heading towards the conclusion of this story.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Oh wow, I nearly forget quite how horrible the situation was when we last left off, but well just the first few lines has already reminded us of that quite well here. I think you do a wonderful job with that here by forgoing your usual awesome description of the scenery in favor of a shorter much more horrifying few lines of description there.
Hmm, this should be interesting to see. Last time these three didn't have quite such a raw feeling of grief on Zoltar's part for their friendship to be built on and I suspect that with Shiraku having gone through a similar experience, especially that particular friendship may have even stronger routes this time...of course that also means that when Zoltar inevitably has to reveal the truth the backlash will also be far greater.
Yeah whatever you do, do not tell Sidious about this situation. He'd only use the grief to his advantage and manipulate you somehow Zoltar...you're better off trying to at least concoct a half truth to tell these two.
Felisita asking the tough questions right away....hmm, I sense a few things there. Not only is it Felistia natural caring side that wants to know more about how deeply affected her new friend might be, but also perhaps another side of her that wants to know more about what yet another dragon was doing on an island she'd been mostly alone at for a decade or so.
Hmm, I think maybe cause we've seen this death many times, its not quite onion level to see the impact on Zoltar like this, but you do manage to capture his emotions really well here. This a dragon that hasn't had anything go his way in a long, long time and thinks are only looking worse in the times to come.
I can understand where he's coming from and he's probably going to end up constructing a decent story soon, but if I know anything about Felistia from all that I've read about her, she's not going to be one to pry any deeper if Zoltar doesn't want to talk. She might do some scouting of her own, but she won't confront him.
Yet another very realistic direction for his thoughts to take here...I love how you're not shying away from dealing with all of this at once. This whole chapter seems like it will be about processing the aftermath of that incident and it captures things really well here.
Come on Zoltar...you can do this...ahh, you love to see him reaffirming all of his motivations. This is really clever trick here cause you've essentially just listed every reason Zoltar has to give up, every obstacle he has to face, the stakes that are currently in this story and every reason Zoltar continues on this mission. At chapter 27, this makes for a lovely almost summary of this story and the best part is this all makes a lot of sense in the context of this scene and it fits in quite nicely.
Oh don't go there Zoltar, that's going to be yet another painful jolt, not just to you...to us too you know. We have feeling, don't keep torturing us poor readers.
Hmm, that was a bit more of a direct statement that I expected from her, but then as a princess, that's the kind of quality you expect her to have. You can't be sugarcoating things when dealing with the affairs of an entire kingdom.
Okay..this had a bit more anger than I think it needs to. Its a very sudden shift in tone for this chapter which started out with more grief. I get that anger is a natural emotion to follow grief and sadness in general, but I think perhaps try to dull the words a teensy bit more, cause it is rather sudden. I get where both these dragons are coming from but I'd expect their anger to be a little more muted in light of recent events.
Well...yeah, ahh here are those little signs of who Felistia truly is..actually knowing the truth you can appreciate these little details so much more. Its one thing for to have somehow guessed she was Shiler's sister, but now looking at her behavior through the whole story, you can very much see the princess that Felistia is right from the very start and that's one of those very satisfying all the clues line up moments
On the bright side...the topic has now officially changed enough that no one's going to be able to poke holes in Zoltar's story, and that story is pretty effective here...
Oooh, that sounds like a big offer there...I don't think a space like that one is one that you get invited to all that easily...although I get the feeling that Zoltar is not going to immediately accept something that personal probably not wanting to get too close to the two of them just yet.
Ooooh well that's the first time one of my theories has been confirmed ever so quickly, but also woohoo...that nod right there means soo much more than just a simple nod and I am LOVING IT.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this was a pretty nice. There was maybe one moment in there that felt a bit questionable to me and I pointed it out..but otherwise, this is looking great and I can't wait to see the revised plan for getting that stone...now that its a stone and not just a scale.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thank you so much for the review. This chapter was so hard to write.
I recognize that one part were the shift was too sudden, but wasn't sure how to bridge between the two feelings. I think I'll have to go over it in the next draft when I've had a little distance from this chapter.
Glad you liked it.
You're Welcome!!
Ooof, there are always those chapters that just don't want to be written