We are out of sync
emotions are a blank
we pause when asked
“How was your day?”
This dance you do
to avoid looking at me and melting
That one I do to protect myself.
Our feet don’t align.
We step on each others toes
and trip, hands too distracted
to stop us from hitting the ground,
our heads, the floor.
Start something
forward, march on
sync toes, fingers, sync feet, hands
the arches and the palms
aching from the pressure,
from the constant motions.
Our minds consistent with one another
we don’t think the same thoughts,
however we are at the same rate.
Rewire your brain
and connect the synapses to mine.
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138,082 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Hey there! It's ZeldaIsShiek here to review another quintessential piece of literature that made my day and win this Review Day by helping the Red Pandas stay in first place and reaching my goal of 80 reviews. I might even get to 100, if I work hard enough. I am really excited to review this amazing piece of art that you have created, and maybe add some witty humor as well. Anyway, that's enough idle chatter from me. Let's get into the review.
We are out of sync
Italicized = My interpretation of the line
Bolded = Spelling mistake
Strikethrough = Remove
Underline = Add imagery/descriptive words
Spoiler
emotions are a blank
we pause when asked
You are not both 'on the same page' yet.
“How was your day?”
This dance you do
to avoid looking at me and melting
That one I do to protect myself.
This poem makes a lot of references to dancing that could be alluding to something else.
Our feet don’t align.
We step on each others toes
Your separate 'dances' or lives get in the way of each others'.
and trip, hands too distracted
to stop us from hitting the ground,
our heads, the floor.
Start something
forward, march on
sync toes, fingers, sync feet, hands
the arches and the palms
aching from the pressure,
You begin to synchronize your lives so that your love can flourish.
from the constant motions.
Our minds consistent with one another
we don’t think the same thoughts,
however we are at the same rate.
Rewire your brain
and connect the synapses to mine.
You are finally connecting on a deeper level.
Hi EKK15!
This is an interesting poem you have brought to us. I like the whole idea of sync, and how it is compared to a dance. I interpreted it to be two people who are afraid to be in sync, afraid to show too much. Yet we hurt each other that way, resulting in falls and clumsiness. If we would trust each other, and join in sync, something beautiful would result. It's a beautiful idea - what you have here - and I quite enjoy it!
The first four lines don't seem to be involved as part of that dance, and seemed like a sort of intro to help you get into what's actually going on, which was the only part of this I somewhat disliked. I think you could probably find a better way to get into the poem than that.
Overall, I think this is fantastic. Thanks for sharing!
cheers for now!
~rosette
I like the way that being out of sync with others is illustrated by the clumsiness of a dance as well as a walk and then crawling on all fours. The poem made me ponder the significance of being in sync with others and its various positive and negative ramifications.
We do often resort to weird antics in order to bring that synchronization about. Especially if being out of sync endangers our livelihood. You know, like being out of sync with the boss, or foreman, pastor, school teacher, neighborhood bully, or the girl we are trying to desperately impress.
Then we will be willing to do somersaults in order to be in sync. On the other hand, being in sync can also land us in jail or maybe in the mortuary. So we have to be careful who we attempt to be in sync with. Being in sync with God is good as long as our concept of God doesn't involve human sacrifice as the Aztecs did. I mean, they thought themselves totally in sync with their deity and look at all the havoc they were causing. In short,being in sync can either be positive or negative depending on what or who we are in sync with.
My favorite line is