There’s crying, there’s yelling, there’s real tears
oh no! Oh not our “perfect little angel!”
She can’t be scarred, she can’t be bruised
she can't be filled with anything
but rainbows and a shade of sunlight
too bright to be put down and captured.
So we gave her pills, bottles filled,
we sent her away to white roomed halls
and told her to fix her problems
or don’t come home
at all.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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126,607 Literary Works • 672,940 Reviews
Wow. This is a really powerful poem. This is really true. That's all people do to help people with mental health problems. They just give them pills and send them away. People should do more than that. They should stop ignoring these people and start helping them. I'm glad there's people like you that care and want to do something about this.
Wow, this is powerful. I see that the girlmis hurt mentally and emotionally and her parents want her to get better. But it seems like the parents want her to be perfect and that she can't be a real member of the family until she is.
I think you need to havwe the lines strategically place, not just adding hitting enter every once in a while.
You are an excellent writer, I Can tell from this one peice.
Gosh dangit I feel this. In my soul. I really like it!
I really liked the part where you said:
"a shade of sunlight
too bright to be put down and captured."
And then described how they try to contain her anyway.
If I were to critique anything, it would just be that the rhythm isn't really there, but that's not really super important. Good job!
Hey Corrupted Arrow here with a review!
(The Comma Police is here! Anything I say here is just constructive criticism. If I offend you in any way, I apologize in advance.(I will try to be humorous.)
This is really good! Not many things need to be tweaked, but it is good.
From what I can see you don't have any grammar and/or comma mistakes. Keep up the writing, have a good day.