Tied Down, In Tongues, In Hearts

Hey there! It's ZeldaIsShiek here to review another quintessential piece of literature that made my day and win this Review Day by helping the Red Pandas stay in first place and reaching my goal of 80 reviews. I might even get to 100, if I work hard enough. I am really excited to review this amazing piece of art that you have created, and maybe add some witty humor as well. Anyway, that's enough idle chatter from me. Let's get into the review.

Italicized = My interpretation of the line
Bolded = Spelling mistake
Strikethrough = Remove
Underline = Add imagery/descriptive words

this is beatifully written. sorry for the spelling:)

Hello,

I don't want to flower up the intro so i'll just say that the title really stands out to me, which is why I clicked on it in the first place. I myself have covered the many plays and sonnets that Shakespeare had to offer, and this title certainly does match the EM period quite well.

Now for the content...

The rhyming scheme in this is subtle and satisfying to read. As far as the flow of the poem, I think you did a good job also, perfecting this repeating beat that doesn't speed up nor slow down.

As far as the wording, there could be a couple of changes to be made...

"We weren't over candle lit dinners" This doesn't really make sense, I doubt the average reader would pick up on this but a better replacement would be 'it wasn't...' - or 'we didn't'

"and the pale hair" I would add comma after this.

Overall, a pretty good poem with an attractive title. Well Done!

PenmanshipPriority

Legacy here for a review

I like this poem but there are some definite (but small) things that could be fixed to make it even better. Let's get started shall we?

There are some spots that are capitalized even though it is in the middle of a sentence. It's okay to have that, but in your case, you have those while also having it correct in other places and it is disorienting (which I don't think you are trying to do until the end).

"We weren't over candle lit dinners" doesn't make sense. You start with talking about passion on the tongue of someone else and then you say this. It would be best in my opinion to rewrite it as "it wasn't over candle lit dinners" (or other variation that gets rid of "we")

"Or a bullet in the chest" makes more sense to me as "or a bullet to the chest" but this one could just be me (while learning a ton of other languages).

Hope I was able to help and wasn't too critical. Legacy out.

Thanks for sharing this very thought-provoking poem. The poem is brimming with vivid visual imagery which is a plus since it very clearly separates it from prose. Draws the reader right into the scenario and keeps him there.

It seems to describe a disappointment or a lack of trust of the speaker towards someone whom he deems enigmatic and taciturn. He wonders what emotion is preventing her from expressing herself. At that stage the two were not over the romanticism represented by rose petals and candle-lit dinners. Imagines the nature of words about to be said which he describes as just sitting on her lips. The silence between them is awkward. Fear that the words might be as deadly as a bullet arises. Hopes they might be similar to a kiss but doesn't know. Yet he finally interprets them as a kiss.

The speaker is then described as aged, ill and confined to a wheelchair along with her. Expresses regret that he did not understand the words spoken or unspoken to have been like a bullet instead of a kiss. Then he would have fled. In short, there is a negative outcome which he blames on his misunderstanding concerning those unspoken words. The other person is described as smiling. The speaker doesn't’ return the smile which indicates that the smile is either malicious or else that he simply doesn’t appreciate it.


The poem leaves many questions unresolved. Was a word actually uttered or did he draw conclusions from the silence? Why does he seem to blame the other person for his condition? Is the other person really to blame? If so-how? Did they age together and sicken together or was this caused by an accident? Was it a disaster he would have avoided had he fled that day? Why is the other person smiling and is his reaction to that smile justified? As a reader I find the poem truly fascinating but am unable to become emotionally committed to one side or the other since I would need more details to do so,

Suggestions:

[What is this....We weren’t over....] is a jump from present to past tense that I found a little disorienting.

“And one day we’re” = “One day we are.” I think “One day we’ll be” is intended. “I’ll return it less favorably.” “You’ll smile at me....” I would bring it t the present by using “Now we are sitting....”

“....candle[-]it...”
“....sitting on your lips[.]
“.... in wheelchairs[.]
“....pale hair[.]”
“[Y]ou....at me quietly[.]