You have this way of looking at people you love.
It’s not exactly a smile,
with frilly joy and careless remedies,
but rather aches, and pains, comfort and calm.
You’ll see someone one day who reminds you
of the way rain falls lightly over grass,
not enough to make puddles, but enough to soak through
the jacket your mother dropped off for you at school.
You’ll see the way they walk in snow, shuffling
and carrying a backpack that's almost their size,
they’ll end up dragging it through slush and mud.
And then you’ll see the warm car rides they long for,
whether that be the sun and the summer,
or the dry air being piped through the vents of the car.
You’ll remember the ice cream that runs,
chocolate soft serve on their nose,
music blaring through the streets,
and the sweat on your upper lip.
Always hold dear the way you
said goodbye before they left,
and all the times they came back
back to home, to hold, to hug, to love.
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Hi there!
So the opening of this poem fell flat to me, because it's put in vague, general terms: joy, aches, pains, comfort. The wording that hit me hardest in the first four lines was "frilly joy," because it's such an unusual thing to say. It implies that joy - or at least a certain kind of joy - is extraneous, unnecessary, more showy than sincere.
The poem really started coming alive for me here.
The concrete imagery really helped - you used a lot of it, and it's really good. I particularly like the detail of "chocolate soft serve on their nose," which is a very specific image. The part about the person dragging a backpack and longing for warmth, however, felt disconnected from the rest of the poem for me. Maybe it's supposed to be the "they" or "someone" of the poem hitchhiking? Maybe I'm meant to understand that this person left to pursue dreams of adventure, and that's why, at the end, it's mentioned that they leave but also return. But this part about the backpack and warm rides didn't feel like it fit as I was reading.
Even though it's again more general language, I think the conclusion to the poem is much stronger than the opening. I especially like the last line, which feels a bit like a refrain because of the alliteration, the use of single-syllable words, and the repetition of "to."
Hi there! Dropping by for a quick review.
I just dislike how spaced out everything is, and I think that the poem would flow together better if you had the sentences closer together, not gaped out like they are. That is just my opinion, of course. 
it should be possible if you hold down the shift button before you hit enter for each line.
Okay, so this is a beautiful poem! I loved reading this and I think you did a great job with this. I especially loved the imagery you evoked in my mind as I was reading this. You did a wonderful job of stringing together each sentence and making them flow into each other, and your word choice is lovely. I seriously love how descriptive you were in this poem; it wasn't overbearing, but just the right amount of imagery while still getting the point across and keeping the flow consistent all throughout the poem.
The only issue I had with this poem was just an aesthetic one - I think that the structure set up of this poem could use some work
Despite that, this poem was lovely and I enjoyed reading every second of it! I hope this review helped.
- Iggs
Radrook here a once again
to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if I offend.
It isn’t my intention.
Please feel free to cast aside
all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure it's true
by being extra careful.
That having been said:
Thanks for sharing this poem written in the second person singular, about someone who has a way of perceiving people who are loved in a compassionate loving way that takes into consideration aches, pains, comfort and calm. This is contrasted to others who only react via frills, joys and careless remedies.
Who exactly the “you” being spoken to is isn’t revealed. It could be a friend, relative, or acquaintance of the narrator. Being described as going to school gives us more or less an idea of the age. But persons who notice the personality are attracted to it. So what is described is a very compassionate individual who gains many friends because of her or his empathy.
I like the visual imagery that the poem provides such as the taking notice of how heavy book-packs are and the struggles they can inflict during a snowy day, how others longing to escape the cold is noticed, and the remembering of pleasure that the beloved ones derive from eating certain food. These things are remembered and by mentioning them the person shows just how much is felt for loved ones and strongly the desire to alleviate their discomfort is felt. Also the imagery conveys the gladness felt when things are going well. In short, the poem very effectively conveys that personality of a very likable person.
Looking forward to reading more of your work.