Young Writers Society

Hello there!!

I am here to review this captivating piece your heart and mind poured out. Before anything else, I definitely liked the strength of your word choice and how your technique of expression pulled me to the situations written. The rhyme is amazing. The themes are wonderful! It made me ponder about my life and the choices presented before me.

Your words are powerful that I cannot stop reading this over and over again. Well, that is just proof that poetry is a great way of expressing one's perspective. I hope you will write more of these and enjoy the journey of getting lost in a deep pool of words.

I really like this. I feel like this sometimes, and I'm lucky enough to have a friend like the one in the poem. Everyone deserves someone like that.
As to the writing itself, I like the rhyming style. It feels like it shouldn't work, but it does. I do feel like the poem would have been better if you had spent a little more time on word choice- many of the words used could be replaced with other, smoother words.
All in all, it's an amazing poem. Keep up the good work!

Thanks for sharing. I like the rhyming and the story is very captivating. Very nice conclusion as well. The drama kept me reading. What impressed me most about the poem is that it mentions a female who loves the insomniac and consoles him until he believes that the suffering is temporary. In short, she provides him with hope. Having a female companion like that like that is a blessing not all of us enjoy.

Suggestion

It wasn't immediately clear to me who the "Ï" that suddenly began speaking was. I had to reread in order to tell that it is the girl. Writing it the following way would have helped me.

"But here's a promise I'll make to you," she tells me.

Punctuation

There are sentences that need periods.