Young Writers Society

Hey there, EKK15 !!!

this is Eros here with a review for you on this special day of review day !!
Happy review day !!

Let's start the review with the title. The title was catchy and attractive. It was apt and appropriate too. It suits the poemn and the theme of the poem very well.

The flow of the poem is very smooth, indeed. The ideas are linked smoothly with the stanzas together weaving a beautiful poetry.

The choice of set of the words you have used is also very suitable to the poem.

I can't see any grammatical error or punctuation issues in the poem here.

I loved the unique theme and ideas that you have put together in the poem... With the comparison of the nature elements like clouds, storms, withered... Etc. The words are awesome.

I loved the piece of Poetry. Very much.

It was a great work.

Keep writing such beautiful poetries and other stuff and we would love to keep reading them and reviewing them !!

Have a great day / night !!

With love,
From Eros.

Hey, Aley here to review your poem for Team Blueberry Muffins!

I'm here to review your work. I like how you're handling the metaphor all the way through. You do a nice job talking about the same metaphor even if it does switch hands from when it starts to the next line. To start the metaphor you describe it as something your speaker has and then it goes to the other party away from the speaker, the one who is trying to drag the speaker down.

I believe your metaphor is talking about pessimism and how it can bog down not only ourselves, but those in our lives who listen to us. There is a saying that negativity begets negativity. This seems to be a story about overcoming that.

I really wish I knew what the actual story was. I mean, I have a rough outline of what happened here, but as I'm not the person who pulled your speaker out of this situation, I have no idea what any of the references are. I don't know what they did to pull your speaker out, or what they provided as a boat, or who is around the speaker currently, or what they'll do to ignore the storms, or anything really. Because this is so couched in the metaphor, I don't really have any visuals for the real life to compare the metaphor to. In that way, I don't have any of the specificity in the poem that I seek to really connect and in the end, I really didn't care that much about the speaker. The speaker was speaking more like they were presenting to an audience and trying to do some motivational speech, but it fell really flat because there were no personal anecdotes.

I also feel like you could probably go over this poem and clear up some things. First off, you have some lines that are not pulling their weight. One is "the way my mind speaks inside of me" which is much easier put "my thoughts" because thoughts are inside your mind and make it sound less like the speaker is having auditory hallucinations. Another one is a line that tripped me up with what it actually meant because what it seemed to mean doesn't make sense. "My eyes and their blues were the only memory/ of all that had happened" To me, this means that someone remembers blue eyes after a dramatic incident, and that's it. What I really think you meant is that your speaker has the only memory of what happened. That's really not what this says. This says that there is a memory of blue eyes, and that's the only memory of what happened, which means it could not logically be the speaker as they wouldn't remember their own eyes when something happened. They see through those. Can't see them while seeing through them unless they're staring at a mirror, but how is that dramatic enough to be an event like this? There are also some words that probably should be removed, but for now I'm more worried about clarity and specificity with your poetry style.

The more you really get into events, like a narration in a novel, the better your poetry will become! Write me a story in a poem style, don't try to write a poem, it's a misguided ideal to write a poem as a poem.

I hope this helps~
Aley