Then came his version of a kingdom.
I am Hades, let the world become my hell.
Let me teach you jealous
I’ll show you rage
With bloodied fists and shrivelled eyelids
Let them lay a fist against my arm
A palm against my cheek and my waist
I will turn their hate fires
Into decayed coals and floating ashes
Disappear with a trace of grey smog
And the smell of smoke, burnt skin
Dying campfires on a Thursday evening.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,468 Literary Works • 672,573 Reviews
Radrook here to provide a review. Please note that if I offend in any way manner or form it was totally unintentional and I offer my apology beforehand. I only provide my opinion to help others become better writers and nothing else.
The poem seems to be about a malicious entity who has the goal of making the world his personal hell and on the belief that this entity has been provided with his own nitch in the universes called the Underworld. Of course, this is based on the concept that the word "hell" actually originally meant a place of conscious torment and not an incinerator outside the walls of Jerusalem in the valley of Hinnon.
http://mercifultruth.com/the-real-hell.html
This entity is also hell-bent [no pun intended] on showing mankind the meaning of being jealous and in constant rage. This reminded me of how the Devil is described as being Jealous of God and being angry because he can't depose him and replace him permanently and feeling enraged because his end is near.
Then this entity challenges others to assail him so that he can prove that they are helpless before him. What the dying fires on Thursday Evenings has to do with all this is beyond me. It does make me wonder as a reader what all the other images are in relation to it.
I like Greek mythology, so it is great. Ilove how you used, "And the smell of smoke, burnt skin" GREAT!!!
So that's where the idea of hell came from? Greek mythology?
Not sure. Just an idea
This is a very creepy poem EKK15, but I like that - I actually like things with dark things in it, with feelings such as hate and objects such as fire. As far as I can see there are no grammatical mistakes in there. I like the subject that you chose for this poem - The underworld. I also love the way that you use the similies and the way you say it in the first person. In my opinion, it should be longer, but I know from experience that coming up with poems is one of the hardest things to do, which is why I prefer to write short stories rather than poems and such. I have also noticed that you have used a Gothic style, which - strangely enough, is exactly what I am doing in my English Class at the moment, although we have just looked at describing things like in a story, so it just doesn't really help in things like a poem. All in all, I think that this s a fantastic piece of poetry and that you should carry on writing pieces like this!
P.S: Can you send me some tips on composing poetry? I am not really the best at it, and I want to improve as I'm thinking of using some in my short novel that I am writing. Is that ok? Get back to me if you can, I will really appreciate it!
Keep up the good work!
Po5eidon out!