City

*waves*

Ooooh, this is my kind of poem. Well done! Heavy on vivid imagery, the piece contains some strong metaphors and a general narrative consistency. The whispering of silence, contradictory as it is, is defined in terms of hollow and meaningless concepts, which may effectively be silence. Had that line not been there, I would've certainly criticized the use of something that seems like an oxymoron. Thanks to its conclusion, not only did I not have to, I was genuinely impressed. The poem itself is full of memorable lines like that, building solid pictures of the romance of the two main characters by defining the beauty and goodness of their surroundings. Candles in the night is perhaps cliche, sure, but even the stanza that contains that line develops a unique, complex tone of romance, pushing ahead in the world, and keeping together. In contrast, the final stanza is a surprising, perhaps sudden, shift in tone and mood, but one of the more well-executed, non-cliche ways I've seen a falling apart between the couple. It would be nice to know why they separated, and why the lover is willing to come back to visit the narrator, but the statements on pain and heartbreak are profound, particularly in the final line and metaphor.

My major criticism here is that I had trouble with the punctuation at the end of lines. Sometimes, you abstain from including a comma or period, causing two different trains of thought to run into each other. In general, the natural pause the reader includes when they end one line and begin another compensated for many of these instances, but I had a hard time reading "I could’ve been shaking from the cold or maybe the anxiety/the grass tickled my bare feet and you stroked my hand with yours". Too, the final three lines are also perplexing. I assumed, at first, that they were part of one cohesive thought, where the girl showed the narrator where life began because she ran away, but I had to re-read at least once to figure out that "because she ran away" connected solely to the girl, not anything that she did. In those two lines, I would definitely advise thinking about the arrangement of your lines and the punctuation of their endings, especially when it comes to the audience's resulting interpretation of them. Regardless, this is otherwise a fantastic poem that was a delight to read from start to finish. Great job!

Hey there, EKK15! I like your avatar, haha. I used to love the Rugrats.

Hmm. I couldn't get very far without my flow being destroyed. It's those pesky 'and's. We held candles to the sky AND eyes to the ground... fruit fragrances AND my sweatshirt... They are distracting, they pull me away from the imagery. I re-read without them and was able to establish a better flow. Maybe I was reading it wrong, though, that's the thing with poetry- one can never read it exactly as the writer.

The second stanza was beautifully portrayed. I was there in the truck, watching the sun rise into the sky and smelling the salty air. It was a stark contrast to the next stanza, in the hospital bed. I'm not completely sure what happened to get them there, but I don't think it matters. I know something bad happened, and the fact I'm unsure makes it feel like 'taboo', like the narrator isn't ready to talk about it yet.

The flow was a little off in some places. The start is the major spot I would suggest tweaking. I can fix the rest myself by changing what I emphasise. I liked your imagery and the underlying story.

I think that's all! Thanks for sharing.

Hey there! Shey here for a review!

I enjoyed this poem a lot. It wasn't short and to the point, but it wasn't long-winded, drawn out more than needed. This balance you've reached is important, since, at its root, poetry is shortened story-telling. If you don't have the perfect amount of description, syllables, word count, etc., then you aren't really even writing proper poetry.

However, as I said before, that's not an issue with you. You seem to have a grasp on exactly how long or short any given poem should be, which is always, always, ALWAYS, a good thing.

Something I also really liked about this was the formatting. I see lack of formatting all too often, and it's something that bugs me, since formatting is so important to poetry. A poem without a stanza is a juice box without a straw. Or something. I'm not good at metaphors. Thankfully, you had stanzas in this piece, which was great. Awesome job.

My only true complaint regarding this piece isn't really a complaint, but rather a suggestion. It's something you should definitely consider trying. And that is adding white space. Indenting certain, more important lines, to get a point across. That type of thing. It makes the poem not only more pleasing to the eye, but also more powerful when being read. Power is another necessity in poetry.

Overall, great job! Keep up the great work, because I look forward to seeing more from you! (I just realized I recognized your writing style from First Girl, which I read almost a month ago. Impressive you wrote something that stayed with me for a month, cause even my homework doesn't do that. XD)