What is this?
Why do I feel this?
Why do I want you?
Why do I need you?
You are my person.
You are my second piece.
I want you
But I don't think that you don't want me...
And if you do, I am so lucky.
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139,456 Literary Works • 672,568 Reviews
Hello Bellarke!
It's me, Liberty500!!!
Ok, I'll get right to the review.
You can try making your poem a BIT more deeper. Ya know what I mean? Like, adding a bit more detail, I guess? You could also make the rhyming words a bit more rhymey.
Anyways, it was a really great poem!
Keep on writing!
~Liberty500
[~] Review - Jadefeather [~]
Hey there, Bellarke! I've been scrolling through poems for the past 10 minutes or so and I've been seeing a surprising lot of you! I read your description for your lovely poem here and was interested, so I decided to write you a review!
Let's jump right into rhyming, because that's my favourite part about poems. I was actually somewhat upset to see the limited rhyming sentences in this poem. Let's look at the following:
'You are my person.'
'You are my second piece.'
'Person' and 'Piece' don't have anything to rhyme with, especially with each other.
'What is this?'
'Why do I feel this?'
'Why do I want you?'
'Why do I like you?'
Instead of using the two same words in two lines, one below the other, maybe try using another word that rhymes with the first ending word.
'I want you.'
'You' doesn't have anything to rhyme with. I'm very disappointed that there wasn't better and more rhyming used in this poem.
This poem is very short!! The longer the poem the better! Try making it longer with some more thought, details, or feelings.
On the brighter side of this poem, it is well thought through and your capitalization is perfect! I also like the fact that it is relatable in every way when you think 'Crushes.'
I know I can strongly relate. In fact, I am questioning my own brain today and everyday about why I began liking a boy two years younger than myself. Lucky for me the crush is dying away slowly and a new boy who moved to my school yesterday from the day I am writing this review is really starting to take my interest.
Great poem! Thanks for reading this review! Remember: Never stop writing, and just because someone criticizes your work doesn't mean it isn't brilliant!
~ Jadefeather
Thank you!
Hi there @Bellarke I am here to do a review on you poem. So lets get into it.
okay so this bit what is the second peas see maybe you can explain this bit a bit more into the poem I think.So I notes ed that this poem is very short. maybe you can ad something else to it. like a bit more description for this. I am shore that you could make this a lot better if there was more to it. by the way nice riming here.
I find this line a bit strange can you explain you self here a bit as well. I am not shore that you said this right or you did but I am a bit confused about it. so see a bit more description here and there.
So that is all that I can say about this peas other then those things I really liked it. So keep up the great work here.
@EagleFly out to seek and kill
Thank you!!!!!!
Hi! Sophie here to review! This is short and sweet! I have a couple things though! maybe could you go more in deep to what you here. Show the disappointment you feel when you say "But I don't think you want me..." that's really good but I want to feeeeeel it. It is really good though and I hope to read more!
Thank you!!!