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My Doll,
My Dear,
You are all
that I have here
Your smile,
It glows
Across a whole mile,
As white as the snow.
You are all I need,
And all I want.
I love you with a greed,
And I will write it in a pretty font,
My darling, you are all I see,
For you are the only one for me.
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139,687 Literary Works • 672,648 Reviews
Hi Bellarke, just had a few thoughts on this one.
I think the last two stanzas were the most original and direct - and so I enjoyed those the most. I liked the childlike possessiveness expressed and could almost picture the little speaker squeezing her doll.
One thing you might work on is eliminating used language - "white as snow" is a metaphor we've all heard (Snow White and the Seven Dwarves anyone?) These metaphors can be used in creative new ways, but really need to be stretched to get beyond the cliche. Your rhyming seems pretty good in this poem, didn't notice any issues or forced rhymes so that's great!
I think it's quite a stretch to call this a sonnet, since a sonnet typically has 10 syllables per line and this had far fewer. Still it was a nice poem, and I'd love to see you tackle another type of structured poetry to see what you come up with.
Well done! Keep writing!
-alliyah
i loved the line "i love you with a greed". i felt that.
I think you did a lovely job with the meaning. Each bit of poetry no matter how long or short means something to that person. I really enjoyed reading this and though their weren't many rhymes, not all poetry consists of only rhymes so I liked how it had a mixture so it wasn't so overwhelming. "I love you with greed" I really enjoyed that kind of wording. You could have used something more simple or more commonly used but "with greed" good wording. It was beautiful, well written and I found it entertaining and refreshing, great job.
Thank You so much!!
sure! You really did do a great job