I tried to fix it,
the pain inside your heart.
But I only broke it even more.
I tried to keep you near,
but you shoved me away,
you said that it was not my fault.
I tried to keep my storms at bay,
so that there will not be any casualties.
But I let it out one time, and it hurt.
I tried to stay hidden,
to keep myself from feeling the pain
of a broken heart.
I tried to take the pieces
of my broken heart and tape them back.
But the duct tape was dry and used up.
There is no fixing me.
I am broken.
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139,687 Literary Works • 672,648 Reviews
Hey Bellarke!
This is a really great poem and very touching. I realized that "I tried to keep you near,
but you shoved me away" is the exact same sentence I used in one of my poems, and its even funnier because I havn't posted it in this website! Funny, right?
Those last two sentences really attracted me... "There is no fixing me. I am broken."
Keep on writing!
~Liberty500
Thanks!
OMG I love this so much. It kind of reminds me of myself and my friends. I wish that I could write a poem like this. Usually all of my writing end up not too deep and kind of meaningless.
Thank you%u2665
I agree GabySmithMyers. I always want to write such beautiful and deep poems, too.
Hi Bellarke! I really enjoyed this poem. I could definitely understand the emotions the narrator was feeling through your use of language. Thank you for sharing!
One thing that I would say could improve this poem is using imagery. I understood all of the emotions but I think more vivid uses of metaphors and similes and the like could have strengthened these emotions and increased the depth of them. On the note of imagery, the use of broken hearts is kind of a cliche. While you don't have to replace this, it would probably help this poem if you went more in depth or gave it a unique twist. Just something to keep in mind for the future!
The only other thing that confused me was the line,
"But the duct tape was dry and used up."
I understand what you were trying to say with this, but I'm not sure that I would go with the word "dry". "Used up" would probably be ok but with both of them together it kind of confuses the image of duct tape, at least for me. Usually when I think of those words in this context I think of glue.
Favorite line:
"I tried to keep you near,
but you shoved me away,
you said that it was not my fault."
I don't know why this was my favorite line, but it has a nice clarity and raw emotion to it.
Overall, this was a wonderful poem! I'm so happy you decided to share this with us, and I wish you the best of luck! Keep writing!
Thank you so much!!
Hi there!
Interesting poem! Very realistic and very relatable. This isn't going to be much of a review, because I only have one suggestion to offer.
This line:
"But the duct tape was dry and used up."
I would get rid of the word "duct." To me, it just feels awkward and upsets the flow a little.
That was all!
Thanks!!!