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Bright

by Bellarke


You took my darkness,

and made it bright.

I was heartless,

before you became my light.

I didnt know what it felt like,

to feel like I belonged.

Then, I meet you, you made my heart spike,

leaving the beat prolonged.

You made my monsters,

into butterflies in my stomach.

Getting ride of the imposters,

and tossing them away.


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14 Reviews


Points: 588
Reviews: 14

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Sun Jan 13, 2019 1:29 pm
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WriterSister33 wrote a review...



hey!

Here I am to review your wonderful poem!

I think this is my new favorite poem!!!!!!!
I just love all the lines, and the hole meaning of the poem.
You write really good, and you get very good writing ideas!
Just keep writing!!!!

Your friend, and fan

WriterSis<3




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40 Reviews


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Reviews: 40

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Sat Jan 12, 2019 7:17 am
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hiraeth wrote a review...



Hi bellarke!

I'm hiraeth, here to review this awesome poem!

so first, the line "i used to be heartless, before you became my light." yes, i'm kind of annoying, and nagging, but these two lines don't really go together, you know? like, you were heartless before, but now you're not, because you found light? so the emptiness that was there is now not there cuz its all light now? am i making sense? because when you're heartless, the only improvement that can happen is developing feelings and....well, finding a heart. the light part just sounds a bit redundant with the line where you wrote "you took my darkness and made it bright."

Next.

"Then, I meet you, you made my heart bright." there's a tense change here: 'meet' is in present tense, but the rest of the line and the rest of the poem is in past tense. so meet should be changed to 'met.

And my final nitpick: 'ride' in the second last line should be 'rid' no?

All these are very small mistakes, though, and happens once in while, so proofreading is very important (as i'm sure you know). Overall, though, this poem is VERY beautiful, really, don't mind my nitpicks, i'm just a grammar nerd.

keep writing, i hope to read more from you!




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28 Reviews


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Thu Jan 10, 2019 5:58 pm
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xJoeyx wrote a review...



Henloo its Jade and I'm back with another review. You better feel special Bellarke because you are the first one I have done in a long time. So, you have been blessed with my presence.

Anyways, I really liked this poem and it was really good for the most part.
The first mistake I noticed was that you wrote this poem, Bell.. jK JK IM JUST KIDDING BB I LOVE YOU SO MUCHH <3

The aCTUAL first thing I noticed was the line, 'before you became my light.' this interrupted the smooth flow of the poem and kind of threw me off.
The stanza after that got it back into the right flow but it was still a little different.

But that doesnt last long once it gets to the next one. It is a little confusing to me because of how you put it. A suggestion would be, ' Then I met you and you made my heart spike'
Remember, it is just a suggestion. You dont have to use it, hon.

I really do like where the poem is coming from though and I think you are actually really talented. I love all your work and they are way better than what I could possibly do with poems.

I love you b, i aint ever gonna stop lovin you, b

I'll see you later is the hallway, loser. <3




Bellarke says...


XD lol i love you too.



xJoeyx says...


yeeeet



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210 Reviews


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Thu Jan 10, 2019 9:54 am
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ScarlettFire wrote a review...



Hello Bellarke! My name is Scarlet and I'll be reviewing you poetry today. ^^

Okay, so, I'm just looking over this quickly and I noticed a a punctuation error, which I won't point out as @Liberty500 already has, and I'm sure you don't want everyone telling you to fix it. XD

Now, as for the actual content of the poem... Hmm, let's see...

Then, I meet you, you made my heart spike,
leaving the beat prolonged.

I don't think this quite works, not set out like it is. For a start, it's awkward to read. I think that first comma can probably go and you could probably put an "and" between the "you"s? Like this;

Then I meet you and you made my heart spike,
leaving the beat prolonged.


Looks much better, no? And also reads so much smoother, don't you agree? Of course, this is just a suggestion and you're welcome to use it or not.

Also, you don't need to put a full stop or comma at the end of every line. Some could do with a semi-colon (one of these ;) or even just a colon (this :). Whatever you decide to use or however you decide to edit this, the best advice I can give you is to read your poem out loud. If it sounds awkward and you find yourself struggling to read it, then you probably need to change up the wording or something.

Overall, I like the concept for this poem, but it lacks imagery. I only get a vague idea of what you're trying to convey and it's a little frustrating because writers have such huge imaginations and this isn't really sparking it. You could do so much more with this poem, Bellarke. Don't be afraid to go crazy with the purple prose! Poets are supposed to be all flowery and purple with their words. XD

I'm afraid that's all the advice I can give you for now. Keep it up and never stop writing!

~Scarlett.




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Thu Jan 10, 2019 7:23 am
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hi Shikora here with a review on your lovely poem.

Let's get to it.

I think this poem was really good, and you wrote it very well, it had a really nice flow to it as I read it. I think you put all your commas and full stops all in the right places. I think you have done a really good job here, like the pit a liked the most was this.

You took my darkness,

and made it bright.

I thought this part was really cool. It had a really nice flow to it, and it got me hooked, so great job.

It was nice that your poem wasn't to short, but to be honest I would have liked it to be longer because you had such I nice flow here I didn't want it to end.

Now I did see one thing wrong with the spelling, but it can be fixed.

I didnt know what it felt like,

The word in bold should be spelled like this, didn't.

Well that's it from me for now. I really look forward to reading more of your works. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
Shikora. :D




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Wed Jan 09, 2019 8:42 pm
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Liberty500 wrote a review...



Hi Bellarke!

I love this poem of yours! It's a very nice one.

OK, review time:

In the following sentence: "I didnt know what it felt like," the word "didnt" is meant to have an apostrophe like so: "didn't". :D

That was the only mistake I found. My favorite part is when you wrote:

"You made my monsters,

into butterflies in my stomach."

It's such a smart line. :wink:

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500





If a nation loses its storytellers, it loses its childhood.
— Peter Handke