Walking past me, smiling,
even as I curl up and cry in the corner.
Watching you, but never reconciling,
while you watch me like imma foreigner.
Hiding away, in my darkness,
I watch them walk right through me.
Laying in the stillness,
wishing it was me they would see.
Drowning in the sadness,
leaves me broken.
In all this Madness,
you leave important words unspoken.
Clinging to the memories
of our childhood, and love
All of the stories
where we push and shove.
But looking back,
all I see is you.
I look back at what I lack,
and what I should have knew.
Now I am just invisible,
while you are sensable.
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139,456 Literary Works • 672,568 Reviews
Hello Bellaire
This is a very nice poem, it is strong and terrific.
I can tell you put alot of emotion, and time into it. I can almost picture the girl in the corner all alone. I almost cried, the poem touched my heart. I don't really see grammar or spelling mistakes but I think you should put spaces between paragraphs. That's only if you wish to though. I could tell when you were righting this you put your own feelings into it( winch I'm not saying its a good thing to be sad) but It helped the poem be better than it would have been.
I hope to read more of your poems
And also hope that you'll right a happy one, at least try!😁
Thank you so much. And to be honest, I only spent about fifteen minutes into this poem. XD I was just in a sad place. But thank you so much for reviewing my poem.
Hello, FlamingPhonix here on this lovely day, to talk about your poem.
Might I just way this is just a really great, and beautiful poem you have written here. The emotion you have put into here is really strong, and it touches the heart. So you have some really skills here.
I know you don't really paint an image here. But to me the way you have worded it paints a really good image in my head, and I guess that with the emotion you have put through is also what helps.
Another thing I thought was really cool, was the words you chose, there is such a wise variety of words you could have picked from, but some how you manege the pick the words that suet this poem the best, and you also mange to rime them as well. So I think you have done an amazing job.
So I couldn't find anything wrong with this poem, so i thought it would give you a nice review. I hope to see more of your poems soon out on YWS. I hope you never stop writing and have a great day/night.
Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.
Thank you! this makes me so happy.
I'm glad. I hope you post more soon.
I will try, I can only write good when i am in a sad mood. Lol but i will try.
Oh I didn't know that.
Oh I didn't know that.
Oh I didn't know that.
Oh I didn't know that.
Lol its fine.
This is a very relatable poem. The lines:
Clinging to the memories
of out childhood, and love
All of the stories
where we push and shove.
Was so well written I almost cried. This poem does need a few tweaks, but other than that I think you should try and get it published.
WHAT I LIKED:
The flow. It sounds amazing when you read it out loud. Almost all of it flows. How you kept it surreal but relatable at the same time. I do not know how you did it, but you did it well. This was sad and dramatic and I would give it a standing ovation.
WHAT I DISLIKED:
The rhyming scheme didn't completely work, but it could be the way I pronounce things.
The last two lines didn't flow as well as the others:
Now I am just invisible,
while you are sensible.
Read it out loud and it kind of sounds off, but that could just be me.
And lastly there are a few spelling mistakes. You might want to go through and fix them. It will make the poem seem more polished, trust me.
Overall I really enjoyed this and I hope to see more from you soon! I give this an 8-10 because it was so good.
Keep writing.
-JadeLotus
Thank you so much!
This is a very relatable poem. The lines:
Clinging to the memories
of out childhood, and love
All of the stories
where we push and shove.
Was so well written I almost cried. This poem does need a few tweaks, but other than that I think you should try and get it published.
WHAT I LIKED:
The flow. It sounds amazing when you read it out loud. Almost all of it flows. How you kept it surreal but relatable at the same time. I do not know how you did it, but you did it well. This was sad and dramatic and I would give it a standing ovation.
WHAT I DISLIKED:
The rhyming scheme didn't completely work, but it could be the way I pronounce things.
The last two lines didn't flow as well as the others:
Now I am just invisible,
while you are sensible.
Read it out loud and it kind of sounds off, but that could just be me.
And lastly there are a few spelling mistakes. You might want to go through and fix them. It will make the poem seem more polished, trust me.
Overall I really enjoyed this and I hope to see more from you soon! I give this an 8-10 because it was so good.
Keep writing.
-JadeLotus