Feel

This is a really nice poem. I'm able to relate to it because when I read your lines I instantly think of someone. I feel that some words and phrases were a bit cliche such as darkness and 'nothing compares...feel'

Hello there Bellarke!

I am Kostia and I will give you a brief review along with my honest opinion on this poem of yours!

I will start by saying that the content of this is very sweet and optimistic. That makes it pleasent to read and make happy thoughts! So well done here.

In my opinion there are some issues with it. Even though I love free verse poetry, I strongly recomend you to make it rhyme. I think it would fit better with its optimistic mood and would make it more interesting. Moreover adding some imagery would also make it more intresting and engaging for the reader. You have pointed out alot of emotional aspects but you lack images and similes which are very important in poetry.

Considering your young age, this was a fairly good read. I will give you a tip however that really helped me with my writing! Remember to edit again and again till you have something perfect in your hands! As they say practice makes perfect and as Hemingway said "the first draft of anything is shit."

I think you did pretty well though. I enjoyed reading it.

Keep up the good work!

Kostia

Some of this felt like it was just talking about the "idea of love" rather than love itself - the poem was quite abstract in that we didn't get a single specific about the subject that the poem is about - just loose metaphors that danced around the topic.

I think the best metaphor in the piece was probably in those last two lines "you make me feel / like I am floating above all my negative" --> while I have no idea what "negative" is referring to in this case (which makes the poem abstract again) --> at least the image is unique.

I think this poem would do better on two accounts:
1) More specificity about the subject - If the reader knows nothing about the subject, it is very difficult to connect to the piece.

For instance:
"Love, love is great, I love what I love a whole lot"

vs.

"I love pancakes with fresh maple syrup, warm off the fry'n pan"

-> The second example had less "love language" and yet was able to communicate more emotion because the love was addressed to something specific!

2) My second suggestion - is to rework some of those metaphors.
Sayings like "you're my light in the dark" "You're new when all is the same" come off as a bit cliche - to fix this, either go with a metaphor that's totally unique (like the last one you have about floating in the last two lines of the poem) or really dig into one of them - pull on the imagery and expand it into something special.

For instance instead of : "You are my light in the darkness"

you can expand to: "In the darkness of the cool summer night, I saw you standing there, a beacon, a lantern, a star shining for me to follow"

-> expansion sometimes is able to defeat the "cliche" effect by elaborating with imagery, narrative, or emotional content.

Good luck! Hope that helps!

- metrophobia

do not fear poetry, unless it's haiku, then fear it.

This is beautiful like WOW! I really think you should write a book! You could fill it with different poems involving love and other emotions.

This is beautiful like WOW! I really think you should write a book! You could fill it with different poems involving love and other emotions.

Hello!

You have a wonderful idea to raise a feeling within the readers. So that's good. It's short,yet strong.Besides the romantic aroma is present in your poem nicely. But I have one tiny observation.

Use capital "I". Never mind. Maybe you were in a hurry or something.

By the way,your way of comparison is excellent. Very well done.

I love this. I like the short stanzas. And whoever you wrote this to is really lucky great emotion used. and i love the last line....lucky me, don't you think! <3