Running towards the danger,
acting like I was the red power ranger.
--
Eating a lot of pink cotton candy,
and everything was dandy.
--
Giggling and smiling.
Playing in the spring.
--
Making a mess,
Never having to stress.
--
The sweet smell of honeysuckles,
and hearing Grandpa's chuckles.
--
Fearlessly running in the wood,
not having to wear my hood.
--
Playing in the mud,
or picking a rose bud.
--
Playing with friends,
wish this never ends.
--
Never wanting to grow up,
still drinking from a sippy cup.
--
Just thinking of growing up,
makes me want to throw up.
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139,687 Literary Works • 672,648 Reviews
Bellarke,
This is a lovely little lighthearted poem. I appreciate the sentiment, and I like that you kept the same lilting tone throughout the piece.
That being said, this poem doesn't really go anywhere. There's the statement at the end that you don't want to grow up. But that's not much of an epiphany. It's safe, in the realm of the rest of the poem. Poetry is epiphany, realization. This is a lovely tone piece, and it's descriptive enough-- you use imagery to move the poem along, but what is the point?
I feel like this is trying to appeal to the ultra-strong nostalgia sensors that people have. It really did tickle mine, especially when you say
But there's no change, no actual point to the poem. It's a piece of cotton candy, light and airy, without substance.
I feel like this piece has a lot of potential, but it needs to be narrowed down. Focus on a few images and see how you can find what your epiphany about growing up or not growing up is. Good poetry has a realization. I want to see this realization in your style, with all the good feelings that comes along with this. You might argue that the last line represents epiphany, but it doesn't. No one in their right mind would leave all these good things behind.
As for imagery, try using more of the five senses. You have a line about cotton candy, but what does that taste like? What does it feel like on your tongue? Instead of saying "and everything was dandy," perhaps focus a little more on the moment with the sense that you're using. Maybe even forego the rhyme scheme to draft this again, and then add it in when you've got a more sturdy framework.
Overall, I think if you work on this, it'll be really lovely. You've already got some really nice images, so focusing on that part of your talent will yield some nice results! Keep writing!
Hey Bellarke ....
Here for a review(after a long time)and I have to say it is a very sweet poem.T he best thing is that I can totally feel it ,each and every word of it.
The first two lines were very sweet and provided great imagery.The tone of the poem
is consistent though at some points the sound of the poem seems to break such as where you used the word dandy.I think you could improve the sound around that point.
That's about it and all in all it was a very good poem.
Thanks!!
NP.
Hello,
I really love this poem! The rhymes are great, and each line flows really well together... The the idea is simple and clear. It's also very relatable! I bet there are a lot of us who never want to grow up! I think each line just really let's us readers remember our own childhood memories... so great job for making this poem with that effect!
I just want to point out the third stanza where the two lines don't rhyme. There's nothing wrong with the idea of this... but I think with this being the only lines that don't rhyme, it kind of throws me off, you know? Well, it doesn't throw me off too much because "spring" and "smiling" are both kind of soft words that doesn't make too much impact when not rhyming... so it's fine either way.
Anyway, really great poem! I love the way it's written!
Keep Writing
I love this poem. The rhymes are great, and the theme is AMAZING! I'm still a kid myself, but I still love this poem.
There was pretty much only one thing I'd like to point out, but it's personal preference, so you can completely forget this, but I think that there could be a better introduction and ending. Like, if you started with,
"I never want to grow up,
No work, no bills, it's pretty chill"
That wasn't to good, and it doesn't really fit, but you get my point, right?
Overall, this poem was awesome! The title really caught my eye! Keep writing, and have a great one, two, three, four, five, and so on o'clock!
OML YEss XD And Thank you so much. (My inspiration was my favorite TV show season 6 comes out in 5 days!)
What's the show called?
The 100. I LOVEEEEE ITTTTTTt
I need to watch it! XD My friend absolutely loves it.
I WOULD GET ALONG WITH YOUR FRIEND PERFECTLY.