I remember her clearly,
her early light beauty.
Her golden hair,
that made many stare.
Those gorgeous blue eyes she had,
that got darker when she was mad.
He was easier to see,
he had black hair, like me.
His hard eyes were dark.
The way his cheek had a mark.
His dimples when he smiled,
His frown when he got riled.
The soft smell of roses.
Pictures of Mom when she poses,
The white walls.
Long dark halls.
Many stairs,
Leading into Dad's "Lairs."
Crayon paintings on the white wood,
Dad saying my drawing looked good.
The deflated basketball,
Dad didnt know how to play at all.
Having to fake a "Yum"
To some chicken when Mom made some.
The bright light,
Coming at us that night.
The sound of Mom's scream.
Of the rescue team,
trying to make it better.
But all that is left is a letter.
The only things remaining,
are the memories forever sustaining.
Memories from a ten year old,
that didnt know why he was told
that his parents are in heaven,
and now he is twenty seven.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Hello Bellarke,
I LOVE this poem. So touching, and so fascinating! It gave me teary eyes...
Let's get right down to business!
I have a review for you:
"Dad didnt know how to play at all." The didnt should be didn't. Just a small apostrophe mistake! No BIG problem.
My favorite lines:
"The bright light,
Coming at us that night.
The sound of Mom's scream.
Of the rescue team,
trying to make it better.
But all that is left is a letter."
I LOVE IT!!!
Keep on writing!
~Liberty500
Hey!
Wow! Not only do you create wonderful poetry, but you are a masterful story teller! I literally don't know if I would change anything about this poem, except maybe punctuate every letter at the beginning of every line, but that is definitely just a personal preference.
It would be interesting if you tried turning this into a short story. I want to challenge you to see if you can create a short story of this and expand your writing talents!
Thanks for the wonderful read! If you need anything feel free to ask!
Rascalover
Dang. I hope that wasn't your personal experience!
No it wasnt, but thanks.
I love this poem. I am literally so close to tears after reading this. I like writing poetry, but none of mine is ever this deep. What did actually happen to his parents, though. Was there a fight between the mom and the dad? My favorite part is probaby
"The bright light,
Coming at us that night.
The sound of Mom's scream.
Of the rescue team,
trying to make it better.
But all that is left is a letter."
I don't know why, but for some reason this part really spoke to me.You definitely have talent. Never stop writing and dreaming out loud.
Thank you so much!! You have no idea how happy this makes me!
This is good! I really don't have any suggestions or anything to make. I do find a few lines a little awkward, but that is just me, and I don't really have an idea on how to make them flow better. It doesn't really take away from the poem at all though, so I'll leave it alone. Again, this is really good, and I love how is speaks right into the heart of the reader.
thank you!!