Young Writers Society

This is such a great poem! You used your words very wisely!

Again , superb use of words . Brilliant thoughts . It is a marvellous effort.
It's not healthy to stay sad for too long so try to be happy , try to live your own life , ignore the hell what everybody says , try not to think much . Just life your own life cause it's not unlimited, try to enjoy it .

Hope you achieve your goals soon and be the person you want to be .



You can also visit my profile and give your reviews as well , it will inspire me ☺

Hi, thought I'd check this out

Specifics

1. I think the first two lines of this could be more active. I like the first but the second could have more imagery/ more action. Maybe something like:

You left me in the dark,
stumbling over brambled words

2. To continue the sharp imagery, whether you use your original line or the one suggested above, you could change 'mark' to 'cut'.

3. The rest of the poem is a little abstract/ confusing because we don't know who the two other people being referred to are - presumably other suitors? I think you need to make it longer and give us some more details so we can understand what made the persona choose the one they did?

Overall

The emotions in the poem are good but at the moment your imagery isn't very strong or continuous - it would be great to see you pick a theme and build on that so it could be going with natural images like the brambles or you could go with synthetic things to back up the lock and key, so metal imagery, maybe metal spikes instead of sharp/ brambles in the first line and then you could think about other ways in which this relationship might be mechanical. Maybe consider that when a relationship isn't working it could be two incompatible pieces.

Just a few things to think about! Thanks for the read and keep writing!

~Heather

Hi Bellarke!!
I think this poem is about moving past a painful situation onto something better. Like the title suggests, it's about how we deal with "hurt" and how when we look back on it in hindsight, yeah it still can hurt, and it can change us, but there's also healing and there are people who will help us heal. I think in the end, the message of this poem is pretty hopeful.

I love how you expand on the images you use, such as how the knife "left a mark" and the the expansion of the lock metaphor as well, but I wonder if there is anything you could say to push that metaphor to the next level, or perhaps a different metaphor you could think of that might feel fresher? Describing a heart as a lock is a powerful image, since locks are so hard and unreachable/protected, but then there's also that hope because they are unlockable, but I feel like I've heard hearts described as locks a time or two before, just because it is such an awesome image, and because I've heard it before, it can kind of fall flat. This would also add more impact to your message, which is such a cool message that a lot of middle/high schoolers need to hear!

I think the narrative in this poem is really solid. It's clear that the speaker broke up with someone, and now has moved on to a different guy. She feels the new relationship is more liberating. It's actually kind of surprising how clear and nonconfusing the narrative is in such a short poem, especially since it's a bit complex, so really good job there!

Thanks for sharing; hope this review helped!!
-Tgirly

Hey, first off, I completely understand the depressed feelings with an ex. From personal experience, I can say you portrayed your emotions perfectly.


The simile of a heart being a lock is so true--easily locked, easily picked (broken), and not easily fixed. You don't mention the time length until the boy you mentioned freed you, but the reader feels the dragging feel through your tone. It's so accurate, the heart is easily held and easily broken, and yet so hard to heal. Great job with portraying that.

I feel, though, that "Your words were as sharp as a knife" is very cliche. Almost every broken-heart story or poem (or any work for that matter) uses that phrase so much that it makes your poem seem like another broken-heart poem out there. I think you should use a different phrase to describe the same feelings so that yours seems more powerful and more unique.


Though some may disagree, I feel like your rhyme scheme in the first part of the poem (up to the phrase "But what you don't know") holds back the full quality of the poem. It's very distracting. I also feel like you should lengthen each line because they don't portray as much emotion as you may want.

Again, from experience, it is very realistic for me and overall, well-formulated. I am sorry about your ex and know that we're supporting you

Keep writing!- Louisiana