What is a Dad?
Something I never had.
But I do have a father,
But he is only a bother.
He likes to yell,
And he never treats me well.
We dont talk,
All he does is mock.
When you are little, what is it like,
to have your Dad teach you to ride a bike?
To smile when you pull out your first tooth?
To make happy memories from your youth?
My Father does not do that.
all he does is call me a brat.
He calls me names,
Which claw at me like flames.
He will never be my Dad,
a good relationship will never be had,
all we share is blood,
blood that I want to remove,
as my tears slowly come out,
like a violent flood
Hii bellarke...sweta here.....hope you are fine and be strong dear... I hope everything gets well with time.
About the poem, its really well written, the voice of words is going perfectly... I can imagine what you are going through... I have heard names too but I just don't the car anymore... So I wish you do the same...
The last para was very depressing and I want you to not even think about it... You are not made for this. Your happiness lies in your hand... Fine them and be happy...
This poem is very well written. It speaks to the heart of people who are in situations such as this that you portray. I really like how you consistently kept a rhyme going throughout the poem. Not everyone can do that and have it make sense and not sound contrived. This does not sound contrived. The rhyme is very natural and makes sense.
Now, there is one thing that I have to review on: The last stanza. It has quotations around it, it doesn't have rhyme or rhythm like the rest of the poem did. You were doing so well! And then the last stanza came and I was like, "Awww man! What was that last stanza?" I'm not sure what you had in mind there but the way it was written opposite to the perfect way you wrote the rest of the poem kind of took away from the piece. The goal is to not only make a strong poem, but to also have a strong ending to the poem. I think all that you'd have to do to make this last stanza better is to reposition some words and change a few so that it matches the consistency of the poem above it. Hope this helps!
By the way, my condolences.
Hey Bellarke! I'm just here to review your poem, but I do want to recognize that I know this poem comes from a very real and vulnerable place, and I'm so sorry you have such a broken relationship with your father. I know what that can be like, and it is very heartbreaking.
With that said, I wanted to say that I really like the theme that carries out throughout the poem of differentiating between a "dad" and a "father." I think it's a really good idea to clearly show how your father, though being family by blood, has been absent and not fulfilled a healthy role as a loving and affectionate parent.
I think this is my favorite stanza:
When you are little, what is it like,
to have your Dad teach you to ride a bike?
To smile when you pull out your first tooth?
To make happy memories from your youth?
My Father does not do that.
all he does is call me a brat.
He calls me names,
Which claw at me like flames.
Oh Bellarke...
I do not want to know how that feels...
I am so so so so so so very sorry, you can PM me whenever you want.
BTW, that is a very nicely written poem, I like it, except it's very... Depressing.
That last sentence just scared me, "Which I want to remove, to make a flood."
If that means make a BLOOD flood, then please do not make a blood flood. That would probably scare everyone!
~Liberty500
I really enjoyed reading your poem. It was very insightful without being too overly aggressive. The only thing that I would change is your last stanza. It does not seem to fit in with the rest of your poem. I would say something more like the following:
"He will never be my Dad,
a good relationship will never be had,
all we share is blood,
blood that I want to remove,
as my tears slowly come out,
like a violent flood"
Changing this would benefit your poem because it would leave the reader with the depressing message that you have been communicating the whole time. What you currently have could be a bit confusing to the reader .You see, as a poet, your main goal as to get into your reader's head. If you can do that successfully, you have written a good poem. to do that, many people try to have a final statement to kind of punch at the reader.
What kind of flood are you making? How would you remove the blood? If you do not want to change the whole stanza, rephrasing would be highly suggested and beneficial.
Other than that, I really enjoyed your poem. I like the simple style, it is truly a skill to communicate your message without being overly wordy.
Well done, I really enjoyed the read! I hope to see more of your work on here soon! Have a wonderful day.
-Anne
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