Pain

Aww, if you ever feel pained again just PM anytime! <3

Hi there ThatGeekyGirl! Niteowl here to leave a quick review.

I think the strongest part of the poem is the last two lines. They're somewhat vague, but hint at a larger story that could be expanded upon. There's also an interesting contrast because the speaker is first asking for another person to stick around, then exploring their own naivete and realizing that maybe they need to be more wary when entering a relationship. Another interesting component is "I want to run/Because life's no fun". This implies that this relationship was so all-consuming that the speaker doesn't feel they have anything good in their life now that it's over. I find myself wondering how the speaker ended up in such a position.

I can tell that this poem is based on strong emotions. It's common to use poetry as a way of releasing emotions--I know I've done it. However, writing about a big emotion like "pain" is going to run into some problems, just like a poem about love or sadness. There's certain common phrases that people gravitate to when writing about these emotions, so it can be hard to stand out from the pack. As a result, the reader can end up feeling like they've read this before.

So how do you get past this to write stronger poems? The answer is to get specific and use imagery and metaphor. Add in details that are unique to your situation. Use imagery, bringing in the five senses. In a strong poem, the reader isn't told the speaker feels happy/sad/angry/whatever, but rather they can step into the speaker's shoes and feel their emotions.

Specificity in Poetry This article is really helpful on ways to make a poem feel less vague and more specific.

Emotional Poetry This article has some tips on how to make emotional poetry better.

The last thing I'd like to address is the rhyme scheme. In many cases, I think free verse is actually a better way to write poems than rhyming. Rhyming is surprisingly difficult to pull off well, because it's not just about having ending words rhyme, but also the meter/rhythm of the lines and not forcing rhymes. In the future, I might suggest using free verse so you can focus on strong words that fit without worrying about the rhymes.

Overall, this is fine for a simple emotional release, but there are possibilities to explore here that could add some interest to the piece. The advice I gave above would also be helpful to keep in mind for any future poems you write. Keep writing!

hi. this is kman134. I'm here to review your work.

when one went through such heartbreak, one would feel like that life is not worth living. you are treated like crap from those who use and abuse you. however, I will have to say that life is random. it is full of chance and anarchy, and only you--the individual--can give it meaning.

your poem was short but gave a strong feeling of woe while subtly expressing your feeling of betrayal and somber.

"I want to run

Because life's no fun

I need someone who will not leave

I need to stop being so naive."

This was my favorite part. everyone who feels pain wishes to runaway from their problems. however, you can't run forever and sometimes you have to stop and confront your problems. as the great Friedrich Nietzsche once said: "That which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger."

anyways, this is pretty good. I hope to read more.

Legacy here for a review.

Firstly, I would recommend some simple word changes to help emphasize some areas of your poem.

I would use tears, instead of tear. It seems awkward to only have one tear for someone that you loved for a year. It makes more sense to have many tears.

I would take out the word some in line three. It takes away some meaning from the next line, and generally just slows down the reading.

I would combine will and not to create won't. It clunks up the reading and most people when they are talking use won't instead of will not.

Overall, your poem is very well written. I would recommend using the bolding technique to emphasize wording, not just the rhyming scheme, since the rhymes are obvious and don't need any more attention brought to them.

I hope I wasn't too harsh and was helpful in making this great work even better. Legacy out.