Blood Bath: Directed By Michael Bay

This is my entry for the first ever YWS Hunger Games. Our prompt was to write about what we would use to advance in the Hunger Games. I, of course, had WAY too much fun with this. At first, I wasn't going to publish it, but I love it so much.

We all have a different key to survival. In the Hunger Games, one’s goal is to not die, otherwise you won’t survive. What does one need to survive? A food genie, a foot long rope, an invisibility cloak? For me, I need none of those. First of all, food genies don’t even exist. What will you do with a rope a foot long? Hang yourself? No one can turn invisible, unless your name is Harry Potter. I even heard that you can have a dog. Only way I would use a dog is for it to maul the other tributes. Apparently, it can detect poison. Some poison doesn’t even smell!

That’s why a pep talk from my favorite celebrity will help me win. Now, this celebrity needs to be a good pep talker. That’s why Rob Schneider isn’t an option, as he’ll only scream “YOU CAN DO IT!” He’s the reason why Adam Sandler is no longer funny. Not only can they talk, but they need to be my favorite celebrity. Helen Keller can’t talk, so she’s out. Who is my second favorite celebrity?

Michael “Explosion Man” Bay.

Michael Bay giving me advice will be the reason to my survival. Everything he says, I will take it to my grave. If I do survive, I’ll use it after, even in a supermarket. Soccer mom takes the last shredded cheddar cheese; I’ll hold a homemade knife to her throat. The smartest man in the world giving me advice to win, can’t top that. What will he tell me?

“Each tree around here is hollowed out and filled with 5,000 pounds of dynamite!” He’ll say, with his blonde hair covering his left eye. His smirk stretches up his face, if that is physically possible. Who cares, it’s Michael Bay.

“Don’t they….how is that…. even possible?” I’ll respond to his first portion of advice. Michael will stare at me with a straight face, then shrugs.

“In the northwest corner right by the machines that spew out poison, there is a huge X. Dig on the X, and you will find Optimus Prime ready for duty,” he adds,” start him up and attack the other tributes while setting the dynamite on fire! Doing this won’t just only help you survive but will help you defeat the Decepticons and escape the rock!”

I take the advice and run to the northwest corner. With a piece of wood shaped like a spoon, I’ll dig up the X spot. Once I find Optimus Prime, I’ll start him up. We go around the dome and set all the dynamite on fire, where only him and I were victors.

We were the victors, until I woke up.

“Son, wake up!” Michael Bay is over me. I wake up, and then I stand up. “You passed out right after you saw me at the Cornucopia.”

“What was the advice you gave me?” I ask.

“Do every impossible thing that you can in an illogical fashion. Their pain, your gain. I’m Michael Coppola, Armageddon is underrated!” He slaps me in the face.

I run straight into the forest and gather rocks. I take off my sock and will fill it up with about 16 rocks. I then will hobble around the forest until I somehow feel the presence of another wearing an invisibility cloak. With perfect aim, I spin and hammer throw the sock at the person, making them combust but leaving the cloak perfectly untouched.

I take the cloak and chase down the others. With miraculous power and being extremely lucky, I will somehow overpower the others. Whether it’s having to choke out a dog, survive laxatives someone wished for from their food genie, or having seven trees falling on a single person with a rope. I survive and start exiting the arena.

When I hit the northwest corner, I will fall into a hole. I will cry and cry for help. The hole is empty, so I’m left there for three hours. Suddenly, a tall figure stands over me.

“Where is Megatron?”