ily

Great poem. What a clever ending!
I love the use of text messages throughout. It kept the piece snappy and interesting.
Although I didn't find the poem laugh-out-loud funny, I was smiling as I read it.
One part I particularly enjoyed was:

"Sweetie pie, honey bunch,
I can't keep my eyes off you."

I loved this partly because it was so overly sweet that an air of secretiveness of this person is already created. It sets you up to expect what the character is really like, and allows the poem to develop.

There are two tiny things that I would suggest you improve.
The first comes down, mainly, to proofreading. It is that, in one or two areas, you seem to slip between two different tenses. For example, it's written that:

"I decided to look at your texts,
Then the outcome unfolds. "

See how "decided" is past and "unfolds" is present? It was probably a result of that frantic writer-rush we all experience, when the words come out faster than you can check them. It should read something like:

"I decided to look at your texts,
Then the outcome unfolded. "

The second thing is to consider your use of commas. Up until very recently I used commas much in the same fashion as you, but it can make a poem flow much better if you lose the commas once in a while. For example, you write:

"It starts out with you crying,
About something non important."

As this is all one sentence, it might read more fluidly if it were written:

"It starts out with you crying
About something non-important."

To me, this keeps up the pace of the piece.
However, it is your work, and as it is the poem is a fantastic piece. It's humorous and with a clever ending, and kept me engaged throughout.
Well done, and keep writing!

Hi, and happy review day! I really liked this, especially the twist at the end. It was a really good and original idea. I wasn't quite sure about your rhyme scheme. I thought I knew where you were going with the rhyme scheme and then I got confused. Also, some of your rhymes are a little forced. Overall, though it has a pretty good flow to it.
In this line: "About something non important." I think this could be changed to unimportant or not important.
Other than a few little things, I really enjoyed it.
Well done!

-Ruby-

I really like this.

I really enjoyed the last two stanzas where the character leaves the woman. When I read it I just smiled, good for him! I absolutely loved that he said I'm leaving you instead of I love you. I found it very refreshing.

This certainly not what I expected from the title and I must say I was pleasantly surprised. I defiantly think this is well written. The third stanza was a little confusing but overall I loved this.

Keep up the good work!

hey there, hopeless here to give you a review!

ok so first off this is the best thing ever.. like really. I love the 'ily' ending that was amazing. i honestly can't find any thing wrong with this. its all neatly written and the grammar, spelling, and punctuation is just great. its amazing how well you write these things. i know i shouldn't laugh but i just can't help it, the last stanza is the best. so bravo on the whole thing, and amazing job on turning 'ily' into 'I'm leaving you'. that's just amazing!

keep writing and stay beautiful!!

~hopeless