Taking Advice

Greetings! This is a mighty fine work you have, however I have a number of nitpicks that methinks need addressing, so, if I may, I'll take this piece line by line.
For the first three lines methinks you need to reshuffle the line breaks. I don't like the fact that you have "My mom demands." on a separate line. This is because the second line has a full stop at the end, so mentally the reader reads this as the end of the sentence,
The first line is a little dodgy, because "boxes" is very vague, Although it isn't a flaw really, I think that by changing it you could tell us something about the characters from the offset, even if it is background unimportant information it would add depth to your character.
There is another little thingy in the third line, The "demand" is a formal instruction, whilst "Mom" seems less formal. Again, this isn't really a fault, but I think changing it to Mother would work a little better.
Now line five seems a little ambiguous. I would recommend that you include some kind of specifics, perhaps, "Why do I have to go all around town?"
Lines six and seven, I recommend you remove the comma between those two lines. It doesn't flow or sound right as it stands.
In verses three and four I particularly like the half rhymes you have implemented. At first I didn't notice the second, but it is no doubt subconsciously very effective. I am suitably impressed that you managed to make them both half rhymes, and not one half rhyme and one full, which methinks wouldn't have the same effect.
Yours in reviewing,
The Fiend.

I like the rhyming in this poem. You manage to take a darker subject and make it seem (for lack of a better word)… fun.

As someone mentioned before, the rhythm is a little "wonky". But I especially like the "I was never good at taking advice." at the end.

I think that this seems a little… off.

I roll my eyes and moan.
"Try and manage,
To kill two birds with one stone."

I know the comma after manage is there because of the line break, but it seems a little awkward. Great poem!

This is quite an interesting topic for a poem. I like the way you turned a common phrase like 'kill two birds with one stone' into something literal.
I like the humour of the piece despite the fact the narrator kills two birds in the end with one stone. I think that the last line of the poem adds humour to what could have been a somewhat tragic poem.
One thing I will say is that, the rhythm's a bit off. You see, whilst the rhyme allows the poem to 'flow' (I hate using that word to describe poetry but I had a total mind blank and couldn't think of anything else) it doesn't quite have a regular rhythm yet. To remedy this, you could decide that the first line of each stanza is going to have five syllables whilst the next has ten and so on and so forth.
Your poem could also benefit from some more imagery to really paint a picture in the readers mind.
One thing which I will tell you about my review is that, this is only advice and my personal opinion. You are in no way obligated to take any of my advice which you don't agree with. After all, it is your poem at the end of the day so you can do as you see fit.
It's a really good, humorous poem and, unlike some other poems, it isn't too long which is a welcome relief.

Hello!

First of all, I'd like to say that I find this really... interesting, a literal viewpoint on an old adage that people are used to hearing. It might have been done before, it might not have, but I'm confident that you could manage to put a new edge on any idea you pick up.

To delve into the critique; as a poem, some of the lines are very clunky. "Literally... stone", for example, sticks out like a sore thumb for some reason - I think it's because of the extremely short line and then the longer line, which I know is supposed to showcase the word "literally" and influence our view of the second segment and provide a horrible "oh, I knew that was going to happen and didn't see it" feeling, but it doesn't... feel right. I think a bit of tinkering with phrasing at that point - and the first two lines - could do you well.

More of my critique is grammar-based - comma after "Shore's", not period; no comma after "porch" (it's an awkward pause, not just grammatically incorrect; punctuation should serve your purpose and make the readers pause at natural or good places); no comma after "head" or "palms", either (same reason really). Of course, those are subjective, and largely my own preference in reading poetry, but I would advise taking another look at them. Also, you seem to be missing an end-quote after "stone", but I'm not sure if that's artistic, or not?

Also, because the other stanzas of your poem have a more obvious rhyme scheme, the second stanza feels a little off because it's more of a diluted rhyme than anything else. I'm definitely not advising "change the words to fit the rhyme", because that would be idiotic advice, but maybe tinkering with the phrasing on that last line can help you come up with something that fits a little more cleanly into the rest of the poem.

Something I'm ambivalent on - the line-break of dashes. I can see why it would be useful, and I can also see where its purpose is entirely served by the italics of the second portion, and it reads clunkier than it looks. I don't know; I'm kind of torn on it, so I won't say "take it out" or "keep it in", but there might be a simpler way to show the transition? (I am kind of a fan of just transitioning to italics.)

In any case, definitely an interesting take on things, and I'm looking forward to reading more of your poetry in the (perhaps not too distant) future.