This whole saying,
"We need to move on."
Don't you ever wonder,
What went wrong?
It's always some excuse,
To be separated.
Some of those reasons,
You find out belated.
Whether if they cheated,
Or didn't like you overall.
You could never catch yourself,
In the free fall.
All these relationships,
Were sea monkeys.
You loved them at first,
But they died quickly.
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139,353 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Hey Strange.
My favorite stanza was the last one; and I guess since the whole point of the poem is that metaphor, then it probably should be my favorite. Anyway.
I didn't really get the first stanza.
"This whole saying,
"We need to move on."
Don't you ever wonder,
What went wrong?"
Are you saying that moving on from our past is a bad thing? A good thing? What?
Again, in the second stanza, I was a little befuddled. I liked the word choice...I think it's just the first stanza that needs clearing up so that I understand the rest of the poem.
The third and fourth stanzas: I FINALLY GET IT! This is about early relationships being over as quickly as they had begun; sometimes your significant other says that they need to move on, and that's kind of like an excuse to break up! Yes, I found out what it's talking about now, but it shouldn't take until the middle of the poem to know what it's talking about. Maybe add another stanza in the beginning? Switch the stanzas around? Do something.
This poem has some serious potential. Don't give up on it; these are only minor fixes. Good luck!
Yours,
Sav
Dear Strange,
I love this poem. It's all true. It's so real. It really hit me because its so true. I loved every aspect of this poem so just keep up the good work. It's wonderful. I like the sea monkeys reference. I honestly just looked up the creature. I found out that they don't live very long but create a cycle in which eggs are laid and soon hatched, so on so forth. I guess you could use the same reference to people. They too create a cycle in which they keep moving on. So I love how everything in the poem connects. This poem is beautiful, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Sincerely,
disheartedallure22
oh and I absolutely loved how you capture the readers attention with the question. It's perfect, your poem is perfect