A/N: Today, in advanced English 8th, we had a challenge to make a poem using modifiers, words that end in -ing. Other kids were talking about toasters, or a fat dog. Like "I am a notorious narwhal, stabbing kids, swimming through oceans" and so on. Here's what I got.
I am a college student,
Finding sense in the world,
Watching life go by,
Making new friends,
Starting a career,
Fearing failure,
And slowly approaching the end.
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139,524 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
I like it! It has so many ways people could interpret this, it's like...I don't know. I'm gonna call it, "open" (I guess?). I like the metaphor you had, even if it was something you had to do for an assignment. You speak the realities of being a college student, but remain to keep it positive, which usually, I wouldn't like, but I think it worked in this piece. I like how you said, "watching life go by" and "finding sense in the world". I think those really described what/how you felt about the this, like as a college student, you're just reaching that level of maturity and you're starting to find sense and reality in this world. It also made me feel like you're just now realizing how fast time goes. Like, all of these things are happening, one thing, boom, one thing, boom, one thing, boom, but overall, you're still, "slowly approaching the end." Awesome writing there!
My only flaw is I was confused about your motives. Did you want it to have a positive feel, or negative? Like, is being a college student good or bad? Because you say things like, "I'm finding sense in the world, I'm making new friends, starting a career," (positive statements) but then you go and say, "slowly approaching the end," which could be interpreted negatively. Like, is the thing your approaching good or bad?
Anyway, it was really good! Keep on writing!
Your work makes me feel I'm not alone. It motivates me to just go on. Thank you.
Your work makes me feel I'm not alone. It motivates me to just go on. Thank you.
Hi
This is a very good short poem and you did an amazing job of doing something outside of what everyone else was doing. The ending is a sweet irony because the beginning is a happy and proud line and the rest seems to follow suit but then,
"Fearing failure,
And slowly approaching the end."
That is where the irony comes in in full force and it takes a major turn. I truly like it keep up the amazing work
Hello.
Well this has a very miserable ending to doesn't iT!
Unlike your other work I mus say, but i makes sense given where your inspiaion came from. (please excuse the fac ha my 't' doesn' work all he ime._ LOL
'Fearing failure,'
I like his add-on here. No just because of he allieraion; but the hough behind i becase it's very honest.
Good work.