I wrote this for school, just slightly edited. In no way am I against the Navy.
One day, in a dark elementary school playground in Lincoln, CA, a young couple named Jon and Lexie wanted to have fun. After drinking, committing sexual activity, and taking in illegal drugs, they wanted to loiter. The young girl thought of a great idea as they approached the swing set. "Let's Seat!" She yelled in joy as she knelt down the seat, stuck out her tongue, and took a big lick.
That was the last time Lexie felt happy.
It's been a year since young Lexie licked the swing set, and it's been six months since she lost the ability to walk. She is one of the biggest cases in the Seating trend. Seating is the act of one licking a swing set seat. Though it is very childish and "is, like, a really brave thing to do", Seating leads to a very dangerous disease.
Yvanehtnioj, commonly known as Eddie Murphy's, is a disease that breaks all the tissue in the Gluteus Maximus. Though it may sound very silly, it isn't. After the first two months of having Murphy's, your butt starts becoming "flat" and starts caving in. Within four months, you no longer have a butt. On the sixth month, you still don't have a butt, but you can't walk.
It's not just young people it's affecting. The other day I was on a walk when I saw a man who appeared to be in his 80's. He looked awful disgruntled, so I decided that he was the perfect one to ask the very important question.
"Sir." I said
"H'wat!?" He yells in my ear.
"Have you ever heard of the disease Yvanehtnioj?"
"H'wat!?" The old man yells.
"Have you heard of Yvanehtnioj?" I ask again, raising my voice.
"There's a ram in my Dodge?!" He asked very loudly
"Yvanehtnioj!" I shouted again.
"Ram in my Dodge!"
One person who is familiar to Yvanehtnioj is famed comedian and actor Adam Sandler. Four months ago, his daughter had contacted Murphy's only three months ago. Due to that, Sandler had to stop filming for Grown Ups 3 to
please humanity be there for her daughter in these tragic months.
Ever think of licking a swing set seat, or another human's eyeball? Don't! Lick lollipops or a Popsicle instead. It'll literally save your life.