It goes over the oasis,
And smashes the wonder wall.
Peter Gabriel has his sledgehammer,
Standing tall.
Once it smashes,
Follows a wave of mutilation.
It heads all the way to France,
And lands at the station.
You're heading to Africa,
And right there I could of died in your arms.
I don't know whether I should stay or go,
But no matter what you won't be that far.
I might as well run to the hills,
Around everyone else I'm antisocial.
When I'm around you,
I don't feel that low.
After another day in paradise,
It's your time to leave.
We may be separated,
But it's better to be safe than sorry.
This poem, a love poem with no background, features references of 1980's music, with one obscure early 1990's reference. Let's see if you can find that out
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,733 Reviews
Hi Strange!
As a lover of the music of the 1980s, I just HAD to review this piece. I have to say, I didn't get all the references, but most of them, and it made me feel all happy because I love that music. I think this is really cool, and the 1980s needs to be appreciated more!
I'll start off my suggestions with a quick nitpick:
My main issue is this just seems to be littered with references and nothing more. And some of the bits don't really fit well together, but seems like you've just merged loads of lyrics together. This also interrupts the flow a bit, because you're fitting in too much into some of the lines which upsets the rhyming a bit. So I say, don't focus on the flow and the rhyming of it, but just on the 1980s and stuff! I also think it would be great not only to include song lyrics, but how the 1980s music makes you feel, it would just add some more to this poem.
Overall, I really liked this. Sorry this review is a bit short, but I honestly found it hard to find improvements in this. I guess just generally making it more personal to you would be really good. I hope this review helped, feel free to PM me with any questions you have or if you'd like another review of anything.
Keep writing,
~ArcticMonkey x
Spoiler
Timmy here for a quick review!
To be honest, I don't follow music. At. All. I have my few singers I like, and that is about it. But I found this poem very interesting, and very well done!
Nitpicks
Fav and Style
So I guess I can't really critique anything else in this poem! Its full of imagery, not overly long, and since I don't know anything about music, I can read it as just an ordinary poem instead of searching for the references!
I like the story you tell in this poem, truly. I guess it does speak to me, especially in two certain lines:
Ok, that is all I have for you on this one! Great job, Strange! And as the classic ending goes.... Keep writing!
~Timmyjake
hehe noticed the 90's ref. first read through
Love Dis poem