The lack of conflict in my life
is awfully conflicting.
My future is constantly hinting
that I'll fall down
or die,
whatever it chooses
the future loses
its main virtue
of being
so important,
that leaves me forging
happiness and pride.
My future will
become the past.
The future goes fast
and loses its grip,
turning into a
simple regret.
It was here, then left
leaving a bitter taste.
Good things
coming ahead
fills me with dread
and self loathing.
It may shape me
but I look cramped,
and damp
from top to bottom.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,733 Reviews
I really enjoy this poem, Strange.
What really catches the eye is the interesting things you do with your rhythm and rhyme. Stylistically, you control the poem very well. All your small motifs really make the poem beautiful in the aesthetic sense, while not distracting from the theme.
The theme is interesting, and is something most people relate to. The mundane is a universal ill, which is battled by many in Western Society, and I find its depiction in literature fascinating. I'm pretty excited about this generation of sad, ambivalent white kids becoming authors. We may rival the Post-Modernists.
The only place where the poem hiccups is in the fourth stanza. In my opinion, your statement about time warrants more cogitating, as the implications of the future and the past are enigmatic.
Overall, you have an excellent poem here. Perhaps a future poem can deal with the philosophical implications of the past and future.
I had to read this twice, it was quite interesting. I really love the first line of contradiction and how you carry it throughout the whole poem. I love poetry because it can mean different things to different people, and the end of your poem can really be interpreted many different ways. I like the open ended-ness of it, and at the same time it feels like you really rounded it off at the end! Great work, I would definitely recommend.