Young Writers Society

hey there!
well that was definetly beautiful. There are so many poems around here on summers, but this was seriously incredible. I really -really- cant find a single mistake ( not that I'm very good at nitpicking). I loved the way your poem flows. the rhyme scheme is just perfect.
And yeah i completly agree to the fact that summer is a beautiful time.
so yeah i guess i covered everything i wanted to say.

great job!
fangirl~

P.S.- I loved the way you ended the poem.

I might see where other people could take issue with the poem, as some might see it as lacking in emotional context, but for some reason I don't think that's what you were going for anyway. I quite like the poem even if only for the light mood it brings about. I have no idea how old you are, but I can say that it is a cute poem and that I personally feel like these other reviews are overcritical. Hope this helps you along!

Hey, this is kman134, here, with a review for you.

First of all, the story is a bit bland and isn't as emotional as other poems i've read. It's a bit childish and it reminds me of so-called "poems" written by people who think just by adding rhymes in every part it makes it a poem. It's out of date and looks like something a five-year-old wrote with repetitive words and meanings. lastly, it isn't as attention grabbing and just feels so controversial.

Sorry if it sounds too critically blunt, but i had to say something. Anyway, hope this helps for you.

Hey KeepWriting,

I have to say this poem was underwhelming for me. You do a good technical job of keeping the same flow throughout the poem. It's nice to see that you can get a rhythm stuck in your head so well.

Just, overall, the poem has no pizzazz to me. It's not emotionally engaging, the images are dry because there's no metaphor to tease my sense of imagination, and the end punctuation and line capitalization just sort of make it lack luster. It's like this should be on a school wall somewhere or on a Hallmark card. I think the big reason why I don't find any interest in this poem is because there isn't a turn. There's no "ah hah" or "Ohhh" moment in this poem. If you used more of a conversational tone instead of this sing-songy tone it would also help because it would be engaging the audience as something talking to us rather than singing over our heads.

Basically what I'm talking about is the devices used in this poem are lacking, and it's a bit old-school because of how strict you are about the beat, rhyme, and flow. If you loosened up, and actually invited us into the poem by creating something we're invited to relate to, you'd have a better result.

This style of poetry is out of date. It's not what poets are writing today, at least, not for publication in poetry journals. This tone and style is more used for children's poetry and left to that. After the movement with like e. e. cummings and Sylvia Plath, we get more contemporary poets like Billy Collins who takes conversational poetry to a whole new level and has even become our Poet Laureate.

To me, this isn't really conversational or developing/sharing an idea, so much as just tracking back through descriptors that have already been used like "sun beats upon my back" if you google that phrase, "sun beats" is so common it's in a Led Zepplin song and in poems, and in novels. Here's the poem in Google Books if you're curious.

So overall, I've heard all of this before, and it doesn't really make for an interesting poem. You did a good job with keeping the same beat, but the overall lack luster descriptors detract from your supreme abilities to rhyme and write this lyrical style of poetry.

I hope this helps you break from your cocoon and explore some new choices, because I know that you can do better. "Anyone Can Write a Poem" proves that to me. You made that funny because of the end of it, and that utilized this style of old-school lyrical poetry to it's advantage because it's often done by people who aren't reading enough poetry to see what's modern. So it's funny because really elaboration is exactly what you're missing in the poem, and what you need to do here.

If you elaborated on your ideas, really dove into some metaphors, and focused just on one part, this could be great. You just have to start using those poetic devices. If you're not sure what those are, or how to use them, here's a guide that will save your life: Kiss My Assonance - 5 ways to improve your poetry

I know I reference it whenever I'm writing critical things about poems.

I hope this helps.
Aley

Hi there Keepwriting! Niteowl here to review this poem.

Overall, this is cute. The rhyming is mostly solid. I normally despise the "time/rhyme" couplet, but here it kind of works.

I slowly find my once lost beat,

And listen to the Chickadee so sweet.

After all the seeds my mom stops sewing,

And the feeds the chicks in her nest.