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When My World Falls Apart, And There's Nothing I Can Do

by Katnes


Listen, just listen

When my world falls apart

And there's nothing I can do

I just can't think

I just can't function

I can't even breath

Lord, I can't even live

I just die inside.

Understand, just understand

When my world falls apart

And there's nothing I can do

My tears just fall like rain

Even when they cannot be seen

I just have to hide it

Would humanity would never see me the same if they were seen?

Know this, just know this

When my world falls apart

And there is nothing I can do

I find myself on my knees

Just searching for a way

A way out of the mess of woe and fear I am in

Just looking

Just looking for the pieces of my broken dream

Hear this, just hear this

When my world falls apart

And there is nothing I can do

I just get so confused

And lost in the chaos of it all

Why does the world blame me

For my human weaknesses? 


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77 Reviews


Points: 236
Reviews: 77

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Sat Jul 06, 2019 8:20 pm
shieldmaiden wrote a review...



Beautiful and so heartbreaking. I liked the line "I find myself on my knees" - which I interpret as sometimes that the only thing a person can do is pray for things to get better
"Why does the world blame me For my human weaknesses?" The world can be a harsh place to live in. It's nice to have a gentle reminder (such as this beautiful poem) that we are all flawed and need to be patient with one another.
I saw no mistakes I this piece. Then again I'm no poet. :) Keep writing!
-Shieldmaiden




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481 Reviews


Points: 25699
Reviews: 481

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Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:41 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on this rainy day. I'l try and keep it short but knowing me that wont's happen. XD

Anyway let's get into it shall we.

So may I say this was really well written I just loved everything about it, but I did see one thing that could be fixed.
Okay so here is the first one.

Would humanity would never see me the same if they were seen?

May I say this is a very strong line, that is filled with emotion and it is something a lot of us think, so this really hits home fore me, but this is a very long line compare to the rest of the poem. You had a really good flow going until we got to this line, it was really long, so maybe we can shorten it.
Here is what I would do with it.
Would humanity see me the same if they were seen?

I only took out to words that were kind of not needed in this sentence, and it flowed a lot better now.

Now don't really worry about this, because it didn't do anything to the poem, to make it lest enjoyable, it was just a bit to long.
Other than that this was really well written, I felt like everything was in it's place. The punctuation was perfect, allowing a perfect flow that make everything easier to read and enjoy.
I'm also just loving the name you picked for this work, it was really good I was looking through some of your works to review when I saw this one, and I new I had to come read it. And I'm really glad i did.
Your choice of words were amazing, they showed the emotion in this poem so well.
This poem really hit home for me, and I'm kind of glad I'm not the only one, so stay strong!

Well that's all from me for now, I'm really glad I came looking for one of your works to read and review, this was very much worth it. I do hope you will post more soon on YWS. Have a great day or night, ether one is fine.

Your friend and faithful reader
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.




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20 Reviews


Points: 620
Reviews: 20

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Sun Jun 30, 2019 7:55 am
anu wrote a review...



Hi, buddy! You have penned an extraordinary poem there. Its beauty lies in the content which is soo relatable. Just didn't understand a few points.

And there's nothing I can do

My tears just fall like rain

When writing this , mention whar type of rain is it? Is it a cloudburst thst will eventually calm dowm, a drizzle when tears are shed silently and slowly or a storm??

Why does the world blame me

For my human weaknesses?
Blame is always put for things that the the other person, who puts the blamw, too has and yet is afraid to admit it. So its fine if somebody blames you ( couldn't there be a better word?) for your weaknesses since it only tells that the person, apart from possessing all the weaknesses himself , is a coward too.

Keep writing




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258 Reviews


Points: 21070
Reviews: 258

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Sun Jun 30, 2019 1:06 am
Dossereana wrote a review...



Hi @Katnes I am here to do a review on this poem.
So first I would like to say that you chose a great name for this, I really like it, I feel like it was super eye caching. So nice work on that, it is always good to have a great name. I am just going to Copy Past the hole poem on to here.

Listen, just listen

When my world falls apart

And there's nothing I can do

I just can't think

I just can't function

I can't even breath

Lord, I can't even live

I just die inside.

Understand, just understand

When my world falls apart

And there's nothing I can do

My tears just fall like rain

Even when they cannot be seen

I just have to hide it

Would humanity would never see me the same if they were seen?

Know this, just know this

When my world falls apart

And there is nothing I can do

I find myself on my knees

Just searching for a way

A way out of the mess of woe and fear I am in

Just looking

Just looking for the pieces of my broken dream

Hear this, just hear this

When my world falls apart

And there is nothing I can do

I just get so confused

And lost in the chaos of it all

Why does the world blame me

For my human weaknesses?


So I feel like the lines I really true and reel, I do feel like there could be a little bit more amoshin in this though a bit more of a line like this
I am falling a part,
And there does not seem to be anything to mend this broken heart,
I hope these two lines are helpful for you. I also think that some riming in the poem can boost the readers. People like rimes and I feel like that is what this poems was lacking.
But really this poem other then thoughts things was really good and you should do more poems like this.

So that is all that I can say. I hope that I was not to harsh and if so then I am really sorry, can you pleas forgive me. So I hope this helped you a bit. Let nobody come in the way of your writing I think its great.

I hope that you have a great Day/Night

@Dossereana Out In The Sky Of Reviews





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