I thought this night would last forever
I believed the day would never come
I'd fallen to my knees, the last one standing
Beat down broken, and shattered to shreds
My heart had descended to the shadows of fear
My soul had been hallowed by endless battles
I laid down my sword
Took off my armor
And raised the flag of surrender
Then I screamed
To the skies
To the world
To all who'd hear my cry
I give up!
I can't fight anymore
I'm never going to win this war
My own cry echoed back to me
I was alone.
I was battered and shaken
Still, a voice told me
Pick that sword up once more
Put on that armor again
Keep fighting the battle
Repair your soul and heart
Don't give up, don't give in
As long as you have breath in your lungs
As long as you still stand in the storm
Keep on fighting.
It doesn't matter how broken or beaten you are
We have all been beaten and broken
It doesn't matter how hopeless it is
We have all felt hopeless
It doesn't matter if you can't see a way
There has always been away in the end
So rise, my warrior,
Shake off your defeat
Wipe away the sweat on your brow
Clean away the blood and dust
And charge right back into the war
Heroes are born from defeat
I saw the fire falling from the sky
I saw the ash across the earth
And I saw myself for who I was
An undefeatable warrior
An unstoppable soldier
An invincible champion
Though the fire burned against my skin
Though I was covered in scars and wounds
I once again put on my rusted armor
I bore my sword one more
And the light of dawn crept across the sky
And a brilliant silhouette against the horizon
I raced once more to fight again.
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139,289 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
This poem was great! I love how it tells a bit of a story, and shows the feelings of this character. The description was incredible, and idea was awesome! I only have a few small things to point out.
Firstly, the ending was a little rushed for me, as I felt that he went so fast between surrendering, and charging forward once again. I think it might be nice, and more smooth, if you had him think something like, 'what if I fail?' 'what if they die?' 'what if they all die?' and yet he fights anyway, despite his fears. I feel that might be more realistic.
Also, that moment when it started saying, "You" threw me off for a moment.
Finally, this is an itty, bitty, tiny, nitpick, but there was a part where you said, "away" when I think you meant "a way"
Other than all that, this poem was awesome! I especially loved how it ended on a question, even if it didn't out right state it. (I actually don't know if you meant to do that, and I'm looking to far into things, or something)
I hope you have a good day or night, and chase your dreams, and than beat them to the finish line!
I loved the idea of this. How it went from a broken soldier to an invincible champion! I felt though, like the other reviewer, that I was skimming towards the end, as it went on. It was still an excellent poem, of high standard, but I just felt towards the end it was, dragged on.
Thanks for your review. But I don't think it seeming to drag on is no reason not to like this poem.
I love the poem, how it transitions from failure to hope by the end of the poem, however, if I am going to be brutally honest, I found this poem hard to read, for the simple fact that it seems to drag forever, it starts off so strong, but unfortunately, after the first 10 lines I find myself skimming rather than really reading. One thing I think would help this is to play around with word choice and phrasing, perhaps if you wrote more in the third person it would feel more relatable to the reader, for example in the lines "I can't fight anymore" and "I'm never going to win this war" perhaps try "No longer can I fight" "This war can't be won" That gives it more of a dramatic air, or quality, that keeps the reader engaged.
For the record, you started and ended extremely strong, it's just in the middle I find it hard to keep focused and really read and appreciate the poem.
Anyways, great work! I apologize if I seemed harsh, but I am a big fan or poetry and understand it is extremely difficult to execute properly, I still love this poem and is still much better than many pieces I've written myself.
Thanks for your review!
BTW-Your praise sounded forced. It sounded like you were trying to encourage some terrible poor poet. Almost like you felt sorry for me. (t's much better then MANY pieces I've wrote my self. Hinting that you've wrote poetry that you think are better then mine.) Don't praise when you don't mean it.
I love poetry as well. For me it's easier to write then a novel.