I'm the last person people would call tough. I'm the last person people would call brave. I'm the last person people would call an astronaut. But I am all of those things. Who am I? Well, I am known as Cosmo The Great, but my real name is Everen Galaxia Hollis, great explorer of space, humble human being, and conquer of the world.
This is my story
...
''It's a girl.'' the doctor announced, handing Alice Heartz a tiny, crying bundle of pink.
Alice gazed around the hospital room. Like most hospitals she'd been in, the rooms were pure white. The walls of the room were a milky white wallpaper, the floor was a highly polished white floor, and the blankets that she lay under, were a dull almost greyish, white.
But it was in this room that she had labored.
And it was the child in her arms that she had labored for.
Alice looked into her child's eyes. The moment you first look into your child's eyes, something magic happens, and all of the sudden you can't live without your precious joy. At least, that's the way it should have been. All Alice could feel looking into her child's eyes was disappointment, and a heavy sense of burden. She didn't want the child, and her father was out of the picture.
''Do I have to keep it?'' She asked in a taut voice.
It. This precious bundle of life was already a thing to her mother.
The doctor looked astonished.
''You just went through the hardest few hours of your life, delivered a child, and the first words out of your mouth are-do I have to keep it?''
Alice observed the doctor. He had a thin wrinkled face and kindly eyes. Maybe he'd listen...
''Please understand! I never wanted a child, and I never intended to get pregnant with her.'' Tears fell from her face. ''I can't take care of her. Isn't there some way...to get her to someone who can?''
The doctor thought for a long moment. Then he heaved a sigh.
''You can put her up for adoption. But I wouldn't know the first thing about how to do that. I'm here to help your child into the world, and I've done that. I can't help her find her place in it.''
He straightened.
''For the time being, at least, you must keep her.''
He grabbed a clipboard.
''What shall be her first name?''
Alvia gave her child a long look. She considered the importance of names. How a name is the only thing a person ever truly owns. She thought about the future she wanted her daughter to have. Then she knew what her daughter's first name would be.
''Everen.''
The doctor wrote it down.
''Her middle name, and last name?''
Alvia hesitated, then responded.
''Galaxia. Galaxia Heartz.''
After asking her a few more questions, he announced.
''You can take your daughter home now.''
Alice sighed, as Everen began to cry.
''I'm stuck with you aren't I?'' she murmured , and heaved another sigh. Then she picked the child up and walked away.
And so my life began.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter The HeartPoints:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,289 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Hello! I hope you're having a great day so far! And if not, maybe this review will make you feel a bit better.
A very interesting start to a story, I think this could go somewhere. The start makes me very curious to where this could go!
Overall, I didn't see any grammar mistakes, so pat yourself on the back for that. Though, I did notice that you spelt Alice 'Alvia' which I think is a typo. Other than that though, looks pretty good!
One thing that confused me though is how rushed this is. Like, she just gave birth, and she's being rushed home right after? She just gave birth, afterall. I mean, it's apparent that it's at least been awhile, since the babies bundled, but even though I've never went through labor, I would think that she'd stay in the hospital for awhile longer. Even the doctor says, "The hardest hours of your life."
I don't know, that parts just something to consider.
Other than that, I look forward to read the next part of this story!
Keep on writing, and have a great day!
Hey! You've got a cool story started. Giving us this glimpse into the beginning of the main character's life is a fascinating way to start. Usually stories just drop us into some setting in the middle of the character's life, so this unique way of kicking off your narrative is cool. It kind of works like a flashback, I guess, in that it shows us some of the backstory rather than just explaining it in a few sentences in the middle of another plot already going on. It also gives relevant details before we're alreadydy distracted by other stuff that's going on in the story.
The constructive criticism I'd give is mainly to watch your grammar and punctuation. For example, in describing the doctor, you said, "he had a thin wrinkled face." There should be a comma between thin and wrinkled, since they are consecutive adjectives which both describe the same noun - the doctor's face. So keep an eye out for stuff like that.
This sentence needs some help: "She didn't want the child, and her father was out of the picture." You've made it unclear whose father it is that's out of the picture, and the way it's worded, it almost sounds like the child's mother's father is who it's referencing. Perhaps you could clear that up by saying something like, "She didn't want the child herself, and the baby's father was out of the picture." Just make sure your modifiers are clear.
Well, that's all for now! Good job with what you've done so far! Happy writing!
Thanks!
Sure thing! Feel free to request reviews or even PM me just to chat!
Feel free to request reviews or PM me too. XD
As I've said before-I'm always open to advice, or reviews.