Look deep within yourself my friend
I know you see the shadows in your heart
I know you see the ash upon your soul
I know you see the evil of your spirit
Gaze long upon your people
I know you see their shame and failure
I know you see the wounds they caused
But I beg you to forgive them
The stars know they tried to save all life
But endangered all of space instead
Watch closely infinity
I know you see death where there once was life
I know you see coals where there once was fire
I know you see dusk where there once was dawn.
Stare far into the universe
I know you see how dark it is
Too cruel for life or death
I know you see how dead it is
No trace of life but blood upon times canvas.
I know you ask questions larger then eternity
What was the light dawn?
What was the flame of life?
What was the glory of the stars?
I cannot answer them, neither can I fathom them
I can only make one promise
One day the sky will turn red
And the hands of time shall move from zero to one
And the cosmos itself shall blaze with life once more
But never forget the chaos you see before you
or repeat the mistakes we made
And remember, not every soul can be rescued.
Wow! That is a really strong somber mood. Made me feel as if I was there grieving the whole universal disaster. Made me feel angry at those responsible. Made me wonder who was being spoken to and who was speaking. But that mystery reinforces dramatic mood by causing us to ponder and wonder! Thanks for sharing. Looking forward to reading more of your work.
Hey there! Toboldlygo here for a review! Let's get this out the Green Room now, shall we?
So, the first thing I noticed is that there is a lack of punctuation and formatting. Some people skip these for a particular artistic style, but I think skipping both is a bit too much. If you need help formatting poetry on YWS, here is a helpful link: Formating Poetry #2
The poem is fantastic! It's a very touching poem that I felt really touched me on a personal level. I love the line about asking what was the glory of the stars? It seemed so wistful and contemplative. Those are lovely things to feel in a poem. Well done!
This poem speaks so intensely about looking back after the unintended disastrous consequences of a good act. It's something I believe many can relate to and it evoked powerful emotions. That's a wonderful thing, so be proud of that!
I can't really find anything I would critique beyond the punctuation/formatting issue. I realize some people forego those, but I personally feel that only one should be sacrificed, just for the sake of clarity. Your poem, though, do what you want. Lovely writing!
Toboldlygo
Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you like you asked on this sunny day. 
Okay let's start.
To me a poem flows better if it has punctuation, well a little more then you did here. But I have also been told that a poem doesn't need punctuation. But to me if it has commas and
full-stops then I will be able to pick up on the flow easier, but that is really up to you.
That was really the only thing with the poem I could see, and it isn't a big thing ether.
I really love the story you are telling us here, it's so sad and yet it has a very big meaning to me. And they thing you have said here is true to a certain degree.
I'm also just loving the emotion that was put into this, it makes it feel so real, and it makes it easier for the reader to connect with what your feeling.
To me I couldn't have written this any better. I do think this is one of your better works.
I'm glad you asked me to come and review your work, because I quit enjoyed it. I hope you will keep writing and post again on YWS soon, because I look forward to seeing what you will write next. Have a great day or night.
Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.
120,314 Literary Works • 649,495 Reviews
Points: 2199
Reviews: 31
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