Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

This Is My Anthem Now

by EverLight


This is my anthem now my soul is free to wonder

I'm doing this for you and no one else but you

I'm telling you good bye, do not grieve for me

Our paths will cross again, I know it in my heart

. . .

This is my anthem now I have been set free

Tell the tale of what I did for you and no one else but you

....

This is my anthem now I have been redeemed

See the stars and think of me

Our paths will cross again, do not doubt that now

When all the earth has forgotten

Remember me forever. 


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
17 Reviews


Points: 552
Reviews: 17

Donate
Thu Nov 14, 2019 1:21 pm
Softballgirl333 wrote a review...



Hello Everlight!
My first question is: Is this meant to be the whole song or are there more lyrics to be added? This definitely feels more on the rock side of genres, so I would suggest writing more to it because you have some quality work here.

~Suggestions~

"I'm doing this for you and no one else but you

I'm telling you good bye, do not grieve for me"
These lyrics are nice, but you feels a bit repetitive to me. I suggest changing the first
one to "I'm doing this for you and no on else." or "nobody else." Which also opens up
some time for creativity when it comes to singing and holding out the note or adding a
run of notes to "else."


~Questions~

"Our paths will cross again, I know it in my heart

This is my anthem now I have been set free"
Originally I thought this was more of a break-up song, but is this more of a goodbye to
a friend? The character of this song seems to be longing to have their paths cross again,
but they've been set free? It seems bittersweet.

~Overall~

Over all these lyrics are really nice and I enjoy them. I would definitely suggest trying to make one of these, or even another set of fresh lyrics your chorus, and writing a few more verses in order to expand upon the song!!

Happy Writing!
~SBG




User avatar


Points: 87
Reviews: 4

Donate
Tue Nov 12, 2019 2:50 pm
bkk99 wrote a review...



i love this. this reminds me of when i first realized what i needed to feel free in my own life. the only comment i have is to add commas between certain parts in sentences, such as:

"This is my anthem, now my soul is free to wonder", but that is up to you to decide! it flows beautifully and i really enjoyed it. this is going to stay with me for a while.

i can also definitely see this in a pop or rock song :)




User avatar
91 Reviews


Points: 1725
Reviews: 91

Donate
Tue Nov 12, 2019 12:21 am
dahlia58 wrote a review...



The stanzas of this poem flow really well. And I like the themes of sacrifice and saying farewell addressed here. I especially love the verses, "When all the earth has forgotten, remember me forever," and "tell the tale of what I did for you and no one else but you." Both of them are powerful, and they express the speaker's poignant emotions clearly. None of the stanzas or structure feel clunky or forced, and that's what I like the best about this poem.

You did a great job. ^^




Random avatar

Points: 0
Reviews: 156

Donate
Tue Nov 12, 2019 12:14 am
View Likes
KatjaDawn wrote a review...



Hey EverLight, Katja here to review your work! As with all of my reviews please feel free to disregard any and all comments or suggestions I make if you find them unhelpful. With that being said, onto the review~

Overall Thoughts

I like the title and overall flow of your lyrics. It seems to be expressing a final goodbye- where the narrator reminds it's intended audience that they did *something* for them and they ask them not to grieve, say that their paths will cross again.

I like the flow of the lyrics and the imagery and emotion each line evokes. I especially like how "this is my anthem now" made me imagine someone going around and proclaiming this to their loved ones.

My favorite part was:

When all the earth has forgotten

Remember me forever.


It really wraps up this piece nicely~

Suggestions

This is my anthem now my soul is free to wonder


Between now "now" and "my soul...." there should be a comma~

This is my anthem now I have been set free


Between "now" and "I have been..." there should be a comma as well~

This is my anthem now I have been redeemed


And one last time, there should be a comma between "now" and "I have been..."

I'm certainly no comma expert, but it seems these lines are meant to pause or shift in the areas I pointed out.

My only other suggestion is on the subject itself- when the narrator says they will meet the intended reader again "our path will cross again" which is repeated twice, but the overall song is about a final farewell as written in the description. Not sure if that was meant to be symbolically or... but it was a bit contradictory. I recommend maybe clarifying or adding more context.

That's all I have for suggestions!

Summary

Overall I really like these lyrics, they flow nicely and I could definitely see the lyrical aspect, as it flowed much like a song does- I like that without a set tune, the reader is able to read and imagine one themselves. Great job~

I hope my review was helpful,

Keep Writing,

~Katja




EverLight says...


Thank you, and yes, it was (:




cron
I like to create sympathy for my characters, then set the monsters loose.
— Stephen King